dealing with anger/bitterness at doctors

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computermouse
computermouse Member Posts: 16
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

This is a topic I've never seen discussed head on, and maybe it's too taboo, I don't know. But I find that I'm really struggling with anger at some of my doctors, and resentment that I have to depend on them so much. While I would say that most are professional and polite, and a lot does/did go right with my treatment, I rarely see true compassion, or anyone going above and beyond. I also feel like most of my doctors talk down to me, see me as a 'case' and not a person, and I'm not always convinced of their intelligence or knowledge. I can think of a couple of exceptions, and while I appreciate these truly excellent doctors, they do make the others look bad!

Reading this back to myself, I guess I'm pretty angry at being caught up in the medical system. I feel like I'm always reading or hearing about how wonderful people's doctors are, and so I know a lot of this is just misplaced anger -- i.e. it's the cancer I should be angry at. So I don't know...I guess I would love to know that I'm not alone in these feelings, and maybe by discussing them with others, we can help to work through them.... 

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  • lago
    lago Member Posts: 17,186
    edited February 2011

    There are a lot of crap doctors and then there are some that are very good at what they do but their bedside manner sucks. I also know these doctors work long hard hours. In a hospital/clinic setting they are expected to only spend 15 minutes per patient. My podiatrist prefers to see me at her office rather than at the medical center (she's there 1 day a week) because of this.

    So yes you do have a right to be angry but if you are getting the proper care at least give them that. There are a few women on this board that I feel so sorry for. The care is just not what it should be.

    In my case I haven't had issue with my doctors but some of the support staff! I was set up for the wrong type of biopsy. When I questioned the scheduler she said it was correct. When I went for my biopsy they were 1 hour late. Why, because the radiologist doing the biopsy caught the mistake and they had to set up the room differently.

    I was once given the script for someone else's blood test. I caught it. (After that I found the gal up front double checked everything!)

    I could go on but you get the idea.  Granted if they MDs are that bad you can still change. Many of them you will have an ongoing relationship with. Your doc might be great for someone else but for you they are the wrong personality. Doctors are people too. You are not required to like all of them just because they have an MD.

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited February 2011

    I'm with Lago. Some are good and some not so much. My gastroenterologist prescribed a medication with sulfa in it despite the fact that it is all over my chart that I am allergic to sulfa. Sheesh. I check every Rx before I get it filled.

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited February 2011

    I join you in your anger and expectations of humane treatment by medical personnel of all kinds.  Unfortunately, that is not always the case. 

    I found toward the end of my treatment that I could no longer tolerate the "number" feeling and being told several different things by the same doc.

    I choose to change.  My reasoning, even tho at the end, was that if I had a recurrance, would I trust him to find it and if so, would  I then trust them to treat it again.  If the ans. was "no", I got a new one.  And I interviewed several before I changed.  Got all my records and moved on. 

    I also determined that as you questioned, I was angry at cancer.  I have moved on (hope so, after all this time) but it took me a couple of years and the tamox side effects were no help.  LOL.  It seems to me that during treatment we don't have the energy or time to get angry, but after the rush is over, we do.  So that's when the anger kicks in, and it takes time to move away from it.  I wish you well and appreciate you bringing this matter up for discussion.

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  • hymil
    hymil Member Posts: 826
    edited February 2011

    I think it's a good idea to check where your anger is directed. I have seen a family lose their elder child while he was in college; due to a delay in diagnosis, by the time his cancerous leg was amputated he already had lung secondaries, and he died soon after. The parents were so angry at failures in the medical system and they spent nearly ten years suing the hospital. While they were in the right, and may have prevented the same happening again, sadly they wasted the teenage years of the younger sister who got no attention whatsoever despite having lost her elder brother, she was the one who lost out most in this situation and also the parents lost her support and co-operation, thier only remaining child as they were getting older, and all because they got so engrossed. All their legal action wasn't going to bring the son back. I guess what i'm saying is, don't let anger, even justified anger, about the past, totally blight what's left of your future, but be aware what positive good it can bring and balance that against the risks. It's okay to be angry!

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  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 407
    edited February 2011

    LOL ..   I am sure with the loss of professionalism, loss of modesty and chemo brain ... our stories could filled a 1,200 foot office suite.

    Vicki Sam

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