getting out into the world again is scary;(

sprouts · January 2011

anyone out there who has had a difficult time getting back into the world? i was homebound (due to side effects) during 6 months of chemo + then had bmx. i am back to work part-time hours increasing to full time. i feel very anxious + the hyperarousal is overwhelming. i am on antidepressant and in counseling. i just can't believe i have regressed to this. i have always been so very strong. fear of going out to the store? to work? what am i to do? i work at it each new day and pray, pray pray... has or does anyone else feel this??

thanks,

sprouts

Makratz · January 2011

YES!!! I take one day at a time and make sure to get out a little everyday. So glad to hear you are working, that must make getting back into the real world easier. I have not worked in 10 years, due to kids, but would love to! I just lack the confidence now. I hope things get better for you soon! XOXO

bcincolorado · January 2011

sprouts: You are doing all the right things. I totally understand the hyperarousal feeling. I couldn't drive for quite a long time. I still have problems in a lot of traffic. I promise it will get better. Hang in there. If you have someone who can help you by going with you, it can help. Many days even now a year after surgery, my husband drives me to work. I definitely don't think you are alone in your feelings. Staying by yourself though won't help you heal faster. Just remember, you made it this far, you can do this. You are stronger than you think!

catbill · January 2011

sprouts-

I'm right there with you. Sometimes I jump when my phone rings these days.

tabby · February 2011

catbill: I too jump when the phone rings or there's any loud noise. I recently got nauseous when it was time to come home (from a night out with hubby) and just did not want to go home and face life. That's when I decided I had to do something. I just went to see the free counselor where I had all surgeries. We are not crazy--just have had too much stress for too long of a period of time. Please tell me this goes away soon as I was hoping to just CELEBRATE when these surgeries were all over (didn't have to do chemo/rad). Counselor says he sees just as many survivors as he does those who are currently undergoing treatment. He thinks I have some anxiety, some depression and some symptoms of post-traumatic stuff (all my surgeries/recons and infections lasted two years). Hope this helps someone.

nobleanna007 · February 2011

I am unable to go too a store without someone, totally feel for you.

Ive now been referred to a Onc. Phycitrist {sp}. for they believe I have PTSD. I have left my husband and thought when I left he would come down and swoop me away. I am 2 months out and though he is being kind I know the outcome, and it really pisses me off cause I married for life, but you have to have suppot and not be the one giving all the time. He thinks he has helped but he caused me way too much stress!!! I am taking baby steps and I will get their cause us girls with cancer our tough!!!!

B.

sprouts · February 2011

i am really happy to see i am not the only one dealing with this. i am back to work full time yet it is very difficult due to anxious feelings + hyperarousal. i have found oncology professionals believe once a person goes through their treatment they are 'cured' and 'healed' + dump us back into the world... they don't seem to recognize what all of this has done to us emotionally or mentally. i wonder how they would feel if it were them! i believe they would have more empathy + assist us more. i fear getting labeled as a person with mental problems if all this gets documented in the medical chart. then it will be hard to ever get insurance again. i am counseling + have been told i have ptsd, mainly the depression + hyperarousal parts. antidepressants are a must to continue with life. it is hard to believe i have gone through 6 months of chemo + surgery being tough + relying on God + did all that with grace, and now i function minimally?? the stress was just to much. baby steps every step of the way + it's rough. i want to feel normal again + not have to wait until many more months pass. the feelings of being crazy + alone are overwhelming most times.

i appreciate all the replies. just knowing i am not alone with these feelings is a comfort. i long for the days when i feel great about life again.

sprouts

tabby · February 2011

sprouts: totally feel your pain!! You sound exactly like how I feel. You are not alone. There are many of us and we will OVERCOME THIS TOO. For me part of it is that this has been a sneaky thing creeping in just when I thought it was all over. Will it creep in again sometime unexpectedly? My counselor says no. He says it will get better in time. Guess my trust issues are resurfacing. Cancer snuck up, now this? Whatever. WE WILL OVERCOME THIS TOO.

mahometmom62 · March 2011

Glad to see others like myself. Due to go back to work but so stressed about everyone staring at me at my short hair and the weight I have gained. I feel like a alien. I hate this I just want to feel normal. No one unless they have been through this have no idea what we feel. I am going back half days. I have worked there for 14yrs but I feel if o don't go back I have given into to the disease. And deprive my boys the money that's gives my family the extra on top of husbands salary. URGH. Or quit stay at home and think of my sanity. I just don't know.

FireKracker · March 2011

My cancer journey was 14 mos.3 surgeries+33 rads.im 3 weeks finished and i am NED.

Am I happy.yes i am.Do i have my life back????hell no...will we ever????who knows the answer to that one BUT I promised myself I would never ever go into that black hole again.I get sad,cry,scream and rant and rave BUT that is all part of the process.....WE WILL BEAT THIS MONSTER.YES WE WILL.FIGHT LIKE A WOMEN.GOD BLESS.

huggggggs K

cathmg · March 2011

Hi Sprouts,

I had panic attacks and depression when I was diagnosed and going through chemo-could barely work and finally was laid off at my job. By the time I was laid off I was having problems being alone at home, but couldn't be in crowded places. I felt like I looked like a cancer patient because of the chemo, and I HATED the stares. I only felt halfway good in nature, and in the woods, walking.

I am starting to come to terms with the anxiety and depression that I went through-that it is a normal reaction to a very stressful life event, that there is nothing wrong or abnormal about me.

Two and a half years out-I still startle easily, and need to exercise to keep my stress level down. BUT-I have a new job, started a prayers shawl ministry at my church, and am having more joy in my life than I ever had before. I didn't know if I'd ever work again, or feel good again. That's how bad I felt!

It will get better. A quote from Shakespeare "Time must untangle this knot"

You are not alone-hang on to the belief that you will heal!

CAt

Bailey5 · March 2011

Mahometmom62:

I am feeling the same angst about going back to my once "dream job";

Part time is not an option for me. I went back x one week after seven

months off; didn't work out for me; and now I'm back on disability until Sept.!

My employer is not being supportive ie. Stonewalling me on medical insurance

Which is so small; but it is all-consuming at the same time.

I hope youfind the courage strength and energy you need to reenter, so to speak.

Baby steps is a good mantr and/or plan. That's all you can do; if you listen to your

Body and mind they will tell you if the time is right for you.Others work through

Treatments or rite after surgery; but you are not others; do what's rite for you and what makes

You happy; there will be other jobs; or you can find ways to do without the money...

I could tell you

That your picture tells me you are beautiful without your hair; but, I am not walking in

Your shoes; so I know you don't feel beautiful/normal this way think of

One more mantra: this too shall pass...

And I always hold onto a silly one: Life is good!!

one good thing cancer has done for me is it enlightened me to know
That my family is the most important thing to me; money n things are secondary
To just appreciating each other and each day we have together. However,
I have felt like resigning more often than not from TNT dream job ( sorry to go back to me again; I was trying to share my feelings to help you; hope it didn't sound like a dump..

Good luck!

getting out into the world again is scary;(

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