Do you have a full range of emotions? Can you cry?

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  • Desny
    Desny Member Posts: 371
    edited January 2011

    I'm not sure what phase I am in.  I have been so strong... mast 5/07, 8 tx CMF chemo, reconstruction, into my 4th year on Arimidex.  Now for the last year, stress has invaded my family or one family business economic crisis after another and I am anxiety ridden.  I worry or stress for real reasons or because I have to monitor my bp -  I just hate doing that - I am so self consious of my body and emotions that I think -  I meditate to think of nothing -  to have inner peace.  Quiet nothingness to be still inside.  I want to find my spot again to feel like me and accepting my balance.  I'm just not there yet.  I am still searching for me to come back.  To feel strong and like my old self.  Maybe that is the problem?   I've changed.  I tell myself that its over, the treatments and horror that I was put through and now I can just enjoy again.  Each time I go for a check up - it floods  back to me. 

    I do wonder why now?  I am strong, have been through so much and handled it all.  Now I just want to take my bp or a valium and coast from the stress.  I'm seeing a therapist who just tells me to let it run its course and that I have been through allot.  I really think I just need to love me allot more to understand that drs, spouses and family do count but I'm the one who needs to feel secure again.  I can't stay in this state of anxiety I want to move past it.  I need to move on to realize that I will heal if I allow myself to.  I just am want it to happen quickly. 

    Wishing all my sisters in the "C" journey - peace within themselves.

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  • molly52
    molly52 Member Posts: 389
    edited January 2011

    Since my dx I have cried too much.  Every where, every day, to everybody.  I don't think that is right either.  Too extreme. 

    Desny - Arimidex may be contributing to how you feel.  It has taken all your estrogen. Estrogen has an important role in a healthy body.

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited January 2011

    Just having one of those days......I have an appt with a new therapist to talk about Tx for PTSD...I am so praying that it is right for me and that it works......stressing.....one week from today 2/3 marks 5 years since hearing those dreaded words!!!!!  Will let you know what happens after the appt.....need to finish some things in the house and then jump in the shower and leave...appt is in 1 1 /2 hours...

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  • Desny
    Desny Member Posts: 371
    edited January 2011

    Molly,

     Arimidex is only one of the pills that have contributed to where I am today.  At 34, I went into early menopause.  I had Graves disease and took radio active iodine to stop the overproduction of hormones and then after 4 years of normal thyroid readings it went under and I started to take synthroid.  And in that time period I was on estrogen patches.   So yup, most of my adult life my hormones have been a mess.  (or lack of estrogen)  The thing is I've felt emotionall stable throughout.  So being fearful or full of anxiety was something I got past early on in my life.  Maybe you are right - but I am trying to hold on to being able to cope with taking Arimidex for 2 more years so I have to find another way of coming to terms without feeling like an emotional mess each day. 

    I believe I am getting there, by not looking back anymore and staying in the moment of today and thinking one day at a time.  It seems to be helping me feel less overwhelmed. 

    Thank you for your comment. 

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