FEELING AFRAID - STAGE IV RECURRENCE

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kbooker
kbooker Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis

I was diagnosed in Oct with recurrence of breast cancer at Stage IV. My first diagnosis was back in 2006 - I discovered a lump in my left breast. Underwent chemo, had a mastectomy on left side and radiation. After 2 years I under TRAM Flap reconstruction surgery. Was doing pretty good I thought until Oct 2010. Had trouble breathing - discovered my left lung had collapsed and was 75% covered in fluid. Was hospitalized for 3 wks - and after several tests - discovered that a lymph node in the center of my chest and one in my neck tested positive for cancer. Am undergoing chemo again (Taxol and Avastin). I'm a wreck. I'm 43 yrs old, married with 2 daughters (16 and 7 yrs old). I often feared this would happen - I don't know what to do. I want to reach out to people - but I don't know where to start. I don't want my children to grow up without their mom. I'm extremely depressed - the side effects of the Taxol are wearing me down. I try not to have the  "pity party" but I do - my heart is so heavy. This sucks more than than the last time. I'm afraid that I'm going to worry myself literally too death.

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  • Enjoyful
    Enjoyful Member Posts: 3,591
    edited January 2011

    Hi, k -

    I'm so sorry that your cancer returned.  Know that coming here is a good place to connect with people of similar ages and diagnoses.  This is a wonderfully supportive community and it's helped me immensely.

    Taxol is a tough chemo to deal with so of course you feel down from that and from the cancer returning.  After my first diagnosis and chemo, I didn't ask for an anti-depressant or Xanax, but after my last bout I did, and it's made a world of difference.  I still get down, but it's not the soul-sucking black emptiness of before.  Perhaps talk to your doctor about them?

    Your disease seems somewhat limited - 2 lymph nodes, is that correct?  People with limited recurrences tend to do better, so perhaps you will be around to see your youngest grow.  There are a lot of chemos and options out there, so please don't give up hope.

    Huge hugs to you,

    E

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  • mari55
    mari55 Member Posts: 693
    edited January 2011

    I too am sorry you have to join us here.  I "celebrated" my first cancerversary today.  I felt very much like you do now, though my mets is in my bones. A year ago I had a fractured hip and surgery and horrible spine pain.  I am back to work and looking forward to a cruise in a week.  When I first came here I wasn't sure what to expect, but I found so many amazing women, many dealing with the same things I was that I continue to visit to find information and inspiration to keep going.   I agree with Enjoyful- don't be afraid to ask for antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds and pain meds to help you get through treatment.  

    If I have learned anything in the past year it is that every day is a gift.  That fact has always been true,  but I realize it so much more.  ( I don't complain about birthdays either).  

    Mari 

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited January 2011

    yeah.. the realization that one is stage iv is reall difficult to process.  It is more than likely that you'll be fine for quite some time.  I am on a low dose of zoloft.. it helps me worry a lot less. 

    i kind of like the taxol and avastin combination.  it really worked well for me.  lots of water.. come to the stage 4 forum to commiserate with others in the same boat, wear a smile and drink juice.

    What is your treatment schedule like.  I did a treatment every week, which i found quite tolerable.  I know some women do a stronger dosage every 3 weeks.  I hope you feel better soon.  You'll receive a lot of help and encouragement from the active stage 4 gals.

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  • kbooker
    kbooker Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2011

    Thank you very much for the encouragement. My current chemo schedule is 3 weeks on 1 week off. This is my week off. I'm extremely tired. The neuropathy is really bothering me - my fingertips hurt really bad - but I'm taking Neurontin for that. I take Cymbalta - which has been adjusted to help me deal with this. Thanks again.

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  • Alpal
    Alpal Member Posts: 1,785
    edited January 2011

    K - please come over to the Stage IV forum. You won't be sorry, I promise!

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  • anneacres
    anneacres Member Posts: 19
    edited January 2011

    Hi K.  I am so sorry for your recurrence-I too am Stage IV and scared-I too am on Taxol 3 weeks on and 1 off don't know if it is working yet just stared by 7th infusion, dr said it takes 3 to = 1 treatment so it usually takes 3-4 treatments to see if it is working.  I put nail hardner on my nails to help with the stregenth and also rub tea tree oil in the cuticles for the pain, which can be really strong.  Good luck to you.  Much sucess with the taxol.

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  • lewima
    lewima Member Posts: 13
    edited January 2011

    I'm not stage IV, I am stage III B/C, IBC with chest wall involvement, and a poor prognosis as I was told.

    I am so sorry.  You are too damn young for all of this.  I think there should be an age requirement, maybe 87-93.  I was 44 at dx. with an 8 yo.  I will say though that what we have at a younger age is the anger at the unfairness of it all and the need to see our children grow up.  That anger can be healing.  I think it stimulates our immune system to fight.  I'm also a believer in accupuncture.  It helps my neuropathy immensely.  I am terrified of taking any antidepressants or neurontin.  I feel like I have to leave my body as pure as a petri dish so that the meds work most effectively.  Look for some of the clinical trials as soon as you can, after the initial treatment, and make sure you go to one of the major cancer centers, Dana Farber, Sloan Kettering, MD Anderson.  Studies show that people who go to these do better. 

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  • Romans8
    Romans8 Member Posts: 59
    edited January 2011

    I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Please be strong for you daughters sake. I understand that it makes us weary and tired fighting this disease. I pray over you that God remove the bondage of sickness and bring healing to your body. Take care.

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  • bdavis
    bdavis Member Posts: 6,201
    edited January 2011

    kbooker... if i might ask, what was your first diagnosis??

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  • MJLToday
    MJLToday Member Posts: 2,068
    edited January 2011

    Pity partys are OK.  But, like all parties, they end some times.

    Please join us in the Stage IV forum -- we have all sorts of fun there.  A little black humor, a little chocolate, a few mojitos &  cabana boys -- it's all good. 

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