Chemo starting in December 2010

Hi everyone!

I've finally had two good days in a row after my last treatment a week ago Thursday. Still feel a little nausea from time to time though.

This might sound strange, but I am feeling a little angryish about how people minimized chemo treatment, with the "it is so much better nowadays". Granted, I don't know what it was like for people back then, but this certainly is not a walk in the park! It's been my own problem, but I have felt like something is wrong with me that I have had such a hard time with the SE's.(my own sisters even have been surprised at the side effects!) I've thought it could be all in my head or that I am a hypochondriac type, as well as suffering from guilt that I am not working. I really almost fell out of my chair when my nurse told me during my forth treatment of AC that very, very few people work when they are on what I am on!  I realize maybe some people might have known chemo isn't as easy as it is made out to be, but were trying to stay positive for my benefit...but rawrrrrrrrr!!! Possibly roid raging at 4:00 am here ladies, so bear with me please!

I had the BEST () visit with the doctor this last time with my oncologist. The most interesting thing to me was her response when I told her I was at the point of dreading even going to the hospital-feeling like I had to throw up, let alone for my treatment. I felt sick when I went there for my look good feel good class because it was up in her office. I said I realized this was all in my head-but she stopped me. She said that it was also a fight or flight response-she was like- "Hey, your body is telling you what we are doing is not good for you." She totally made me feel like I wasn't a nut job I 'm feeling I am! She said she was glad I told her all this because she was going to put me on the acccelerated treatment because I was taking the AC so well!  (4x every two weeks for 8 wks of Taxol) She also said that the steroids were possibly causing my emotional rollercoaster, after I said that 4 days out after treatment I was feeling like quitting and that I can't take anymore.  She said the Taxol 12 wks at once a week will be easier to tolerate and that I will be on less steroids.(this was the original course  of chemo she said I would have.) OK,  so maybe she just doesn't want me to quit, but she seemed much more friendly from the very start of the appointment than usual! My husband laughed when I told him and said "Thats probably why you have been swearing so much!" Totally out of character for me~! (well, kind of!)

Hoping everyone has a good as possible weekend! Hugs to all! Cathy

I hate being so far behind everyone, since I started at the very end of December.  The upside is that I have learned a lot from you guys... I still have 2 more DD AC to go, next one is this Thursday.  My onc is planning for 4 DD Taxol -- I will have to ask her about this approach... I am an emotional wreck, and I imagine that the steroids are contributing to that.  I am counting my self lucky that the physical SEs have been  manageable, so I have been able to keep working eseentially full time, so far I have only needed treatment days off.  But the emotional side effects for me have been debilitating.   I guess you get one thing or the other.......

What are you guys doing to stay sane?  I haven't yet used any formal support systems, like our local cancer wellness house, or the American Cancer Society.....  I have several BC survivors that I know, including family members, and that has been a help.  I should feel blessed that so many friends and family have provided loving support... but I am sick and tired of feeling like an emotional wreck.... every time I look at my four children, I am just sick with what this is doing to their happiness.  It's hardest on my fourteen year old daughter, I think, my oldest.   This season also brings four birthdays in the next two weeks, which is hard, since it should be such a time for celebration, and I don't feel like celebrating, but three of these birthdays are my children's.... I need to be able to put on a happy face for their benefit and make it fun. 

Sorry for the rant, I feel better just for having a place to put these feelings into writing, and having someone hear them.  My poor husband, who is so wonderfully understanding, but has to be worn out by me at this point. 

Thanks for listening, hope everyone is having a WAY better weekend than me.......

Lisa

Hi all,

Last E and C DD treatment last Monday and my week has been full of fatigue, queasiness and lack of appetite. Yesterday I developed a fever of 100.1 degrees and it's been bopping up and down today.  On Monday I was so elated that I had had the last dose of the hard stuff.  Forgot, I guess about the days between.   My first Taxol is on January 31 and I'll be getting them weekly for 12 weeks. Spring will be here when through with them.   

It's been cold, cold, cold here on Long Island so I'm just staying inside and resting.   

Oh one more thing- I am getting brown spots! Is anyone else? I  thought my hands have been looking tan- and tonight to my horror one of my brown spots on my chest has grown from being the size of a dime to about the size of a quarter!? I'm also having trouble with really bad headaches. The ONC thought it could possibly be the anti nausea meds causing them. Anyone else having them?

Spartina, I hope you are feeling better and you aren't catching something. It is a great feeling to be through with that last treatment of AC!

thanks, hopefortomorrow, for getting a perspective on the difference between the 8/12 protocol for taxol... I'll be asking my onc about that on wednesday at my pre-appt for my treatment on thursday.  Looking forward to being able to say 3 down, 5 to go by next weekend!

That's an interesting perspective, about taking time off.  To be honest, I'm more worried that being home during the day would make me worse emotionally, as i do have really good supportive friends at work, and when I was home recovering from my mastectomy, I found the hours when I was alone to be the worst.....  I am obsessive by nature, when I'm focused on something, I'm REALLY focused on it, so that character trait, while helpful on other fronts... not very good when trying to deal with the breast cancer beast.

I am just starting to read the Anti-Cancer New Way of Life book.  Interesting stuff... hoping that will help me take some control over factors I can control (are you sensing a type-A personality here?   ). 

hopefortomorrow -- we are neighbors, I live in Downers Grove.  Have you done any of the programs at the Hinsdale Wellness house?  I am considering going to their orientation next Monday night.

My onc at Memorial Sloan Kettering said that with 12 weekly treatments of Taxol you get more of the drug into you at less cost and wear and tear to your body and that it was associated with less recurrence.  For me this seems like such a long hard road but for a handful of weeks I'm willing to go with the 12 to up the odds of no recurrence. 

Maria 

I don't know if Hinsdale and Geneva are connected.... i read the catalog for Geneva, actually thought it had more appealing offerings, but Geneva is a bit too far for me, Hinsdale is right up the road. 

hdangelbaby -- entirely true....  whole different perspective.   My job is ridiculously sedentary.... but I am also lucky to be surrounded by people who are offloading some stress from my normal day to day responsibilities so I can get through the next few months.....the public won't do that for you!

I also don't think that I would have had a disability case, unless the SEs were much worse for me..... my onc's office would only authorize the day of treatment until we saw how I reacted to chemo, and I had to go through some work to get my company to cover my treatment day for disability, so working at the moment is a bit of a necessity.  I'm sure if the physical SEs (remember I am the one getting HAMMERED with emotional SEs......  ) were worse then I could make the case.   

hdangelbaby, that is great! I am trying to read..but my mind wonders alot. 

Hope, I have brown spots all over my arms now

Lisa, I totally understan your emotins.  Today was the first day I had such uncontolable emotions, tears just flowing for no reason.  I was at work with supportive people, but I've never had these feelings of  such sadness and doom. I've never really had a breakdown through this all, only when I found out I was TN, maybe its all building up.  Sorry, not trying to take anyone down. wonder if its the chemo or the ativan I've been taking at night, can that make you so weepy?   I should be so happy, one chemo to go, but today is the worst, its big time "I can't believe I have cancer, what the heck".    I think being snowed in has hit home too, and another storm coming on Thurs ugh...I've had enough!!

Hope everyone having teatment this week is doing well.

My radiation oncologist said I should schedule my first appointment for the planning session two weeks after I finished chemo....said we could start right after that if I felt good enough after ending chemo. Sounded like I would have some control.



bigger thing is that once you start you can't take any time off at all so if you need a week of vacation you are encouraged to do so before you start.



Just what I've heard .....

Wow....a lot going on out there so I am just going to try to respond and say thanks for all the good advice.

It was great to hear about the fight or flight instinct because like many of you I am so nauseaus just going to the Cancer center its amazing I don't hurl during infusion.

It was also good to hear the different views on working.  I am self employed as a Realtor very busy doing short sales and helping others which is a good distraction.  However, I am fortunate to have a biz partner who deals with the "real people" right now and I am able to do the behind the scenes mitigating with the banks etc.  My first week after tx is a tough one and then I get to go into the office almost full time the 2nd week.

I just finished my 4th DD AC and will start the Taxol on the 3rd of February followed by radiation most likely.  Then of course the Tamoxifen (does it ever end)  I am hoping new boobs for Christmas...lol.

Anyway, thanks to all for your support and your rantings as they help me feel normal.  This is a great place to vent and to read about all of your triumphs and frustrations.  It is hard to express all of our feelings to our families as they have to be exhausted and I can't remember the last time my husband complained about anything....what a guy

Leigh

Evening ladies.

I got my genetic testing results back. I am one of the lucky 2% that come back with a defective gene that they can't tell if it is poss. or neg! How fun. So my family is so willing to get tested and see if any of them carry it. This will help determine if it is indeed genetic or not but it is mostly for research as they have never seen this variation before!!! CRAZY!!! So no real results except that I think a double mastectomy is in my future. We will see what the doctors have to say about the ovaries. I am leaning toward taking them as I have fibroids and cysts that could easily turn cancerous and I DON'T want to deal with this again. I have my second opinion in Boston on Wed.  

peacebear - i don't think the picc affects bp unless there is an infection.  My bp has wavered since being on chemo, but it is also because we are sick!  I have to sit quietly for a couple of minutes before they take it or my numbers are way off.  Drinking water seems to help and it also helps for blood draws.  My picc wouldn't do blood and they told me I had drink more a couple of days before treatment.  Why do you have a picc instead of a port?  Flushing it daily is a pain.  i have my picc because my port got infected - you'll know from the pain. 

Karebear- my genetic tests came back negative, except I have a slight abnormality on one that they don't know what it means! lol I am giving them permission to use my results for study- and the doctor said whenever theyfigure it out they will let me know what it means!

got to go to the mountains today! woo hoo! it was a nice break from piddling around the house! had lunch with the hubby afterwards then off for a few beers!

it was a nice break from everything related to cancer. i wore a new hat today and rocked it, without the wig

hope everyone had a great and minimal to no SE day!

i still have stomach/bowel problems, but for once today , most all of the day, i didn't think about them!

(((HUGS)))- angel