Starting Chemo October 2009

Hi there everyone and thanks for your warm words.

 Well - the port saga continues!  The oncology nurse had it flushed in record time, with blood return and almost no pain.  After all the stress (and an unsuccessful flush in Yangon) this must have been the easiest one.  So I have not been de-ported................ let's see what happens in April when the next checks come round.

Big hugs to you all, and sending large swathes of sunshine and warmth to everyone

Philippa

x

These are the times I wish I had some Valium or something...

I decided to go ahead and keep that appointment with the gyn onc yesterday.  I asked him to check my estrogen levels, which he agreed to do; those results will help me decide on doing the ooph or not.  I also asked for a repeat Pap test to check on the neoplastic cells in my cervix.  I had read that in about 40% of women, CIN level II cells will go away on their own, so I was hoping that would be the case for me and I wouldn't need the surgery to have them removed.  Well, now the lesion is bigger, and he actually felt a mass on my cervix.  Of course, now I'm terrified that it is now cancer.  I asked him outright, and he said there is a slim chance that it is.  I know I should focus on the word "slim", but all I hear is that there's a chance of cancer. 

So now, I've got to wait for the result of the Pap, which I should get sometime next week.  If it hasn't progressed, then I will have a relatively quick day surgery to remove the cells, and I can wait until my teachering apprenticeship is finished in March to have it done.  But if it turns out to be cancer, I'll have to have a hysterectomy at least, and he said he wouldn't want to wait.  I'm in my last semester, supposed to graduate in May; if I don't finish it this semester, everything would be screwed up, including a perfect job opportunity that would start in August.  

Yeah, I know - I'm getting ahead of myself.  But all I can do is think back to the beginning of all the BC crap, and how the doc said the same thing then..."it's probably nothing"... 

Wish I could sleep until the results come back.

Shelby,

FIRST, if you feel you need a valium or something call the DR.  Don't suffer ~ AND next remember the saying it ain't cancer till they say it's cancer !!! Hoping and praying it is just those crappy pre-cancer cells and you can have the procedure to remove them.  I always have bad paps and had a lesion removed a few months ago.  It was benign.  BIG prayers for yours to be the same.  Hang in there honey!!!

HUGS

Marie, so good to see you back.  Good luck with your surgery. 

Hope everyone is having a great day.

Shelby, how are you doing...are you able to sleep yet...how about results yet...still keeping my fingers crossed.

Shelby, Sending you a hug from the west coast {{{{{HUG}}}}} I totally understand, but worrying isnt going to change anything. Pamper yourself any way that you can (Im 100% in agreement with monster bathtub bubble soaks)

 I would ask your onc or gp for a prescripion for ativan. Its sort of like a valium but wears off quicker and doesnt give you the headache and long term drowsiness. Its also used for help with nausea. (you might have had it through the chemo stage) Its a tiny lil pill that you disolve under your tounge. Its been my lifesaver a few times these last 3 years....

Marie, Yes I would love to get together once things have settled down, today Ive been removing & painting doors. I will be so relieved when this work is complete. It would have been sooooo much easier to just build a new house rather than renovate a 40 year old dump.. lol.

Im trying to figure out where to go on a few trips.... Im picking 3 places in the world that I really want to go to, then will work around seasons, Dr's appointments, surgery.. (maybe) work and so on. Will also throw in a few smaller things like taking a helicopter ride through the Grand Canyon. Will work on this a little more seriously after my visit to the Oncologist Feb 3rd.... the bone scan results will be in & hopefully I will find out whether or not the cancer has spread beyond the one rib? Anyway there will definately be a trip to somewhere in Europe this summer (or spring)

Big hugs & lots of love to you all xxx Suz

A bone scan is super easy...you lay down on a table and they pass a machine over your body very in small sections, first feet and legs, then pelvis, torso, head and then hands...it is close to your face but you are not enclosed in the yucky MRI tube type thing.  takes about 20 minutes...oh ya I forgot you have to go about two hours before to get injected with a small amt of radiation...drink lots of water and pee often.  Then about two hours later they do the test.  I went back to work between the injection and the test.  I am surprised you didn't have one when you were diagnosed.  it was one of the tests I did before I started chemo.

Marie, did you get the results of the xray yet?  Fingers crossed for good news!   Maybe your Tamox break will help with your pain.

I haven't had a bone scan yet, but I am getting one soon since I am dropping out of the bisphosphonates study (Zometa).  They give study participants a scan at the end of their study (either when you drop out or your three years are up).  I haven't had any unusual pain, so I don't expect anything to show up. 

Well, today is the day that I expected to get my test results.  When I talked to the office on Tuesday, they told me the results were in, but that they couldn't tell me.  I tried to do an end run around that office yesterday by calling my onc's office to see if they could get the results for me (they're in the same system), but she told me essentially the same thing - I'd have to wait.  But then yesterday afternoon, the nurse from the gyn's office called me (I'm assuming because of my earlier attempts for info), and said that the Pap results were NOT in, and may not be in until next week.  I don't know what to think!  I swear, this stress is going to give me a stomach ulcer.

Of course, my main concern is the actual results.  But almost as stressful is trying to figure out what to do about my apprenticeship this semester.  I talked to the program director earlier this week, and he was extremely supportive (as he always has been!) and said if I need to postpone it for a few weeks, that it would be no problem.  However, I want to avoid doing that if at all possible, because the place where I'm doing my apprenticeship is the same school where that perfect job opportunity is opening up for the upcoming school year!  I don't want them to think I'm flaky or unreliable, or that I'm too sick and will take too much time off.  I already had to make schedule adjustments in my first apprenticeship there last year because of chemo, so the last thing I want to do is "remind" them of my "issues".   Ugh.  I plan on asking the doc his perspective.  I just hate not knowing!  Being in limbo sucks.  Even if it is bad news, if I just KNEW, I could start making plans.  

Wish my brain and my worry had an off switch!

Hugs to all my sisters! 

Shelby, take a deep breath in, and let it out...again...now just do that about 50 000 more times until you get the results...we are all here for ya to help get you through.

Marie, good luck.

Marie, I just posted that to my FB.  So funny.

Good morning ladies, I hope everyone is staying warm this week!  Even here in sunny Texas, it's going to be getting cold.  Wind chills below zero forecast for the Hill Country within the next few days.  Brrr!!  To my sisters up north - be careful out there!  Juannelle - are you guys supposed to get snow?

Marie, I LOVE that video!  Hilarious, because it's so true!

I'm feeling much calmer today.  I think it's because I made a decision to continue on with my original plans with school and my apprenticeship.  I decided that if something does come up, I'll deal with it then.  I did get to talk to my doc on Friday, and he encouraged me not to change my plans - said that the chance of cancer is small, and if by chance it is, we'll deal with it then.  He was really able to calm me down, acknowledged my concerns, didn't belittle me or talk down to me, and LISTENED.  I did get the results of  my estrogen tests - he said I'm definitely in menopause right now, my numbers from the blood test were off the charts!  But, he also said that at my age (37) there's still a possibility of my period coming back up to two years after chemo.  At least I know that, for now, I don't have to think about the oophorectomy.

So, I'm taking deep breaths, as suggested, have been taking walks, enjoying time with my kids, and I will not give in to the anxiety.  I'm glad that I decided to start my apprenticeship.  Yesterday was my first meeting with a family in the parent-infant program.  Their daughter was born in December, and they are learning to deal with the fact that she is profoundly deaf.  They are so centered and focused, and are even able to laugh at the "little things" and enjoy their daughter.  They are not allowing this blow to knock them off their feet.  I am really looking forward to helping them along in this journey. 

Smiles and hugs to everyone!

Shelby, we did not get snow here, but we did get ice.  I don't drive on ice so I stay at home and cleaned cabinets.  They were so messy, hadn't been cleaned in awhile.  The ice has cleaned, so I will go to work tomorrow.  I am glad you talked to the doctor and he was able to calm you.  But I know you are still anxious waiting on the results.

Hope everyone is staying warm.  I think just about everyone is in a deep freeze.

Juannelle

Suz, you make skiing sound so wonderful, I havn't skiied in a few years..

Val, I take it and so far no problems...remember you can take it then stop if it isn't working for you.  At least you can say you tried it, if it doesn't work.