"Just Get Over It"

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MnHoundage
MnHoundage Member Posts: 5
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

How many of you have been offered that advice?

At the end of 2009 I was diagnosed with 2 separate primaries - one in each breast. Both of them very different from the other and also different from the original diagnosis back in 1998. I ended up with a bilateral mastectomy followed by chemo. Back in '98 I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. I think I'm singing to the choir about the rest as far as treatment. I was blessed to have managed getting through chemo with relative minimal side effects.

It was tough this time around. Even though my kids were older it seemed harder to deal with them and their emotions. My youngest (who was almost 18) moved out of the house but eventually came home. 

Anyway, since that time I've lost a lot of people I thought of as friends. I know I got a bit consumed with the "poor me" talk. It was hard to NOT wonder what else was going to happen? I know I wasn't as sensitive to others as maybe they thought I should be. One gal, in fact, told me that I needed to just get over it! "Its done and over. Live your life!"

I'm not doing that so well. I miss my friends. (Although I suspect they wren't the kind of friends I need in my life - or at least that is what my therapist says). I'm finding there is this strange feeling in my gut saying something else is going to happen. 

Looking at my post I realize I didn't mean to throw all of this out! I guess some days there is more in my heart and head than I want to admit. i thank you for the opportunity to let it all out. I also look forward to the chance of getting to know you all better!

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited January 2011

    No, thankfully, nobody has ever come out and said that to me. I'm sorry you had to hear it though.

    I honestly, didn't talk to my 'real' friends about it much. But I bitched, moaned and groaned like crazy to the women on here! I had my sister, who had gone through it before, but other than that, I really just came here unless one of my friends flat out asked me. I'm so thankful for this board. 

    I know EXACTLY what you mean about the feeling in your gut. Boy, do I ever.

    Hang around and get to know us! I guarantee you that you will not hear the words 'get over it' on this board. That is unless you happen to trip over a political thread. LOL!!!!!!!!!

    ((((((hugs)))))

    Traci

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  • Mouser
    Mouser Member Posts: 245
    edited January 2011

    You could post that comment on the other thread - the dumbest things people have said to you; it really fits there. What a stupid thing to tell someone who's gone through what you did!

    I had a bunch of different health problems (including bc) over a period of 15 months. It's been well over 2 yrs since the last whammy, and i'm just now starting to feel like i can come up for air without getting hit again. So it does get better - but it takes incredibly long to feel halfway normal again. I'm glad you have a therapist to help; i don't think i'd have made it without mine!

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  • Smile_On
    Smile_On Member Posts: 141
    edited January 2011

    Don't worry about throwing all of that out.  We all need to vent, and I've found this is a great place to do that without being judged.

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited January 2011

    had it said, but in a different way...it was like, you're done Tx, so why r u complaining....I've blown a lot of comments off, but beginning  to wonder if I've built up too much of a wall to "protect" myself....

    the gals here get it...thats why I still come here daily.....

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  • Baxter
    Baxter Member Posts: 234
    edited January 2011

    Mn - You have been through so much. My road was different, but I can relate to how you feel. My cancer journey began in September 08, had first mastectomy, I had infections, bad reconstruction, discovery of a second cancer, second mastectomy which required new surgeries for reconstruction...blah..blah.   And I think people just got cancer weary with me. Most people were kind, but they got tired of it.

    After the last surgery everyone was so ready to move on, but for me that's when the emotions of loss and grief of all I had been through kicked in.  I needed to share more than ever, but didn't feel like I could tell people just how devastated I felt.

    I don't think people can understand how you can stay somewhat positive through all the surgeries and then when it's all over...when you should be happy....that's when you sort of emotionally plummet. I have to admit that before I experienced BC myself, I had no idea what the journey is really like. I sometimes wonder if in the past I responded to other survivors as well as I could have. Walking this road definately opens your eyes and heart to be able to help someone else when they face their journey.  

    Thanks for sharing...don't ever second guess yourself on that.

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