MRI coming up

agada, reading your post brought back that same racing heartbeat and sinking feeling that would come over me when I was in your place. 

I hate(d) my recheck appointments.  I swear, I felt the same temptation you are feeling -- why not just skip it?  My cancer center was (is) a 2-hour drive from my home.  I used to joke with my husband en route to a recheck appointment that we should just "skip it and go to the lake" or something.  Heck, I still say that to him as we're driving down the highway to the center, and my dx was 3 years ago last week!

I even told my breast surgeon one time how anxious I got at recheck time.  She patted my knee and smiled, and said, "I know ... but it will get better.  Really, it will."  I figured she ought to know, because all she does is breast cancer surgery, something like 300 surgeries a year.

As for that MRI... someone suggested that we look at it this way:  What if there is something bad in there that would show up on the MRI, and you decide to skip the MRI and the recheck appointment?  The bad thing would still be lurking in there; you just wouldn't know about it.

Would that be good, or bad?  Would you rather know early on that you've had a local recurrence, so you can deal with it and make it go away sooner?  (Local recurrences in the breast are usually very treatable.)  Or, would you rather not know until later, when you feel stronger and can handle another run of bad news but the news turns out to be much worse? 

It's a terrible choice we're given.  Maybe you can ask one of your docs for some anti-anxiety meds to help calm your fears.  Yes, almost all of us feel that kind of fear, or have felt it at some point in our recovery.  You are in good company.  Hugs...

otter