**NEW** Starting Chemo March 2009

Sorry to hear about you MIL Kim. I have an awesome MIL as well.

Kim; Sorry to hear about your MIL and it's especially hard at Christmas. Gosh, you and your family have been through a lot in the last couple of years and I know cyber hugs won't take it away but I'm sending them anyway!  As you know, life is very unpredictable. This is a stark reminder for all of us to keep living everyday the best we can. Marvellous that she used to make  pies and stuffing for Christmas..my DH would love that. My MIL makes fruitcake for us each year and none of us like it and I feel terrible because I know it's a ton of work and expensive . The old fashioned kind...soaked in rum cheese cloth fruit cake. Jeesh! I wrapped it up and stuck it under my SIL's tree one time...we had a good laugh about it. I'm sure it has been so sad but it sounds like you have wonderful memories and you are truly blessed to have had such a great MIL.

Francine: Sounds like lots of snow your way! I think strolling through NYC in a snowfall sounds so romantic but it probably isn't for all the people that live there.

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's last night on TV....I just love that movie and I love that they engraved a $10 ring for her that wasn't purchased there. I loved going to Tiffany's last year. Whenever I need a big escape...I watch that movie...and Bewitched...loved Elizabeth Montgomery. I will lazily lay around in the next few days and enjoy all my favorite.

Does anyone have New Year plans? We will be going to our friends New year's eve...karaoke...food...wine...all good fun. Then our kids will come over on New Year's day for dinner. I'm going to cook beef wellington although I have never done it before. Any tips from anyone????

Wishing you all the best

Hugs

Beth P

Hi All,

 Just popping in to say hello.   Kim, sorry to hear about your MIL and hope you're coping as well as can be.

Francine, I hope I'm like your MIL..   I love stories like that.  And how about that snow in NY!!  We got some while I was home in PA but no where near what you all got.

BethP - Sorry, I've never even had Beef Wellington but I hope yours turns out well.

All - I just wanted to pop in to wish you all a Wonderful, Happy, Healthy, Prosperous New Year!

I love you all and wish you all the best!

Beth

Wishing Everyone and Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!!!!

Ladies,  Wishing you all a healthy and happy New Year.  (I lost 1st post so am trying again)

I have been out of commision for a while with hysterectomy in Oct and then when I was on the road to recovery from that I went to see ortho doc about my knee.  He said it was bone on bone and needed replaced.  He had only 2 Dec openings left or I would have to wait until mid Jan.  I took the Dec 7th one and am now home recouperating.  I have being doing in home PT and start it on Outpatient basis this week for another 3 weeks.  They say it will be another month before I am glad I had it done.  Right now the muscles hurt from trying to regain the range of motion.  when not exercising the knee I spend most of my time with legs up in recliner to prevent swelling in legs.  It still hurts to keep it down for too long.  I have done alot of reading, puzzles, and watching TV .  I can sit at computer for short stretches with leg down..  This last week I went for annual mammogram and it was OK, no need for another until next Dec.  I see onc next week for 3 mo check.  My 2 year Cancerversary is the 15th so I should be moving to 6 month checkups. It does not seem possible that it has been 2 years since we all started this journey together.

I am hoping to get the knee well enough to sit thru volleyball games.  Both of my oldest granddaughters play Jr high.  One 7th and one 8th grade and the games start in 2 weeks.  I figure I might make it as long as I can sit in front row with leg elevated on bleacher, I don't think I can climb into bleachers yet.  I went down the 13 steps to our basement family room for Christmas and that was not so bad, but bleachers are much taller steps. 

I enjoy reading your posts and I thank you all for your support for the last 2 years . I will keep reading and popping in occasionally.  Annette 

Hi All,

 Francine, I hope you have a great time in FL.

Dayla - Your pics are breathtaking.  And I love the Ramon noodle slippers/boots..  How resourceful!  lol

All, My best as always...

Beth

I'm a bit late, but Happy New Year everyone! Hope all is well, and I still catch up every few weeks with all that is going on.

 2010 was a tough year with my dad's illness and subsequent passing, but I am hoping 2011 will be better.

I am still getting mammo's every 6 months, as they are watching an "area of interest". I see my onc on the 26th and will look at the official report then. It seems like almost 2 years of watching this area might be enough... we may need to biopsy.

Otherwise, everything is going well, and life is as busy as ever. I love to check in and see that you are well, and enjoying vacations, and cooking, and just life in general!

Nice to hear from you Janine! Happy New Year to you as well. I hope if you have to a biopsy it's all B9! I am getting my yearly mammo day after tomorrow. I got a call back last year- 24 hours of anxiety- ugh. I hope that does not happen again!

That was really funny Beth!

Still waiting on baby.  Supposed to be any day now!!!

Hi ladies,

How great to read notes from many old BCO friends. Sounds like all are doing well.

Yes I came back from Florida yesterday. My DH and I really had a pleasant time visiting friends and family.

BethR..cute saying.

BethP..do hope all is fine with your MRI.

Tanasha...Wishing  you an easy labor and please do let us know ..

I have an MRI scheduled at the end of February. The thought of it reaaly scares me. Brings back bad memories.

Janine..H bday ..do hope all is fine with you too.

Gina..thks for dropping by.

Hugs,

Francine

Hello Everyone!

Dayla the videos are beautiful!  Happy birthday to all who are celebrating and Tanasha I'm wishing you the best   Francine, I just had another scan done and I know what you mean.  Continue to be strong and remember your tag "at the end of every tunnel will be sunshine".

Hugs to all!!

Hi Michelle,

First of all you are not a bummer. We are hear to listen...

Too bad your new year has started off so bad..I am sure your depression at this time of the year has to do with the weather, short days and of course your losses...both the dog and your job.

I think it is good that you have been able to put the cancer behind you. I remember when we were going through all this stuff and we all thought that it would never end. Now we see that there is a future. Yes we will never be completely free of some of our fears but moving on is good.

I am sure that unconsciously the cancer is still in your mind. It probably is saying I should be more happy because my cancer is gone.Our mind and it's emotions and feelings is complicated.I bet when warmer weather comes and longer days things will start to look up..

I do think that my cancer has made me stronger knowing that I was able to get through all the complications I had. Yet as time passes things do get buried more and more in my mind..

Stay strong ..enjoy your kids and your DH..When we are down there's only one way to go and that is up..I bet you feel better already talking about your feelings to us on this board who always are there to listen.. 

Hugs,

Francine

Popping by to say hello. The New Year has gotten off to a steady pace at work.

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about your dog. Our pets become our family members so I'm sure this has been very difficult for you and your family.

Also sorry to hear about the loss of your part time job but maybe being out of the political stuff will be a blessing for you. Nothing like office politics to elevate the stress levels. For me, I'm getting to old for playing games like office politics ...it's too stressful.

As far as learning from your cancer...well I just think that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves waiting for a big epiphany that cancer has changed our lives for the better. I have spent lots of time reflecting on this cancer journey and I have learned a few things, and to be honest some of the things I learned have been disappointing and others have been good for me. I have learned that my friends don't really want to hear about cancer anymore and that I should forget it ever happened to me. Well that's not possible because it is part of who I am now. I don't want cancer to define me but I don't want to pretend it never happened either. I have learned that people are there for you when all the drama of surgery, chemo etc are going on but once you're done all that then they move on and rarely hear from them again. I have learned that I am not willing to put up with a lot of nonsense (silly things) from people and yet in other ways I have become more compassionate and patient. I have learned that I spend my time doing more things that I want to do and less time doing what people expect me to do. I learned that I have a voice...maybe that's my age but I think it's my cancer too that has allowed me to use my voice instead of being the agreeable one all the time. I have opinions and I voice them now but never in a way that would be hurtful or demeaning to anyone. I just feel I can speak up more often. As an small example....A while ago I was cooking supper as my DH was sitting in front tof the TV. We both worked that day. I stopped what I was doing and said "okay, you may not like what I have to say but I'll say it anyway...I would like you the tv off and participate in preparing supper" Two years ago, I wouldn't have said anything and I would have stewed on it. Now I just speak up. He actually said he prefers that because he's not a mind reader.

It is not "insane" to feel part of the pink club. I think I have spent a lot of time not being involved in the "club" because everyone else expects me to move on. I don't think that being involved with other women of the club means that I am not moving on. It means I have a connection...common bond with others that I don't have with my regular friends and family. I just signed up for the local Dragon boat racing team for breast cancer women. Great bunch of gals that have all been through the experience and they are living their life beyond bc even though it's a breast cancer team. It is not a support group...they take their boating seriously but it is a group with a common thread that doesn't dwell on their experience. It took me a long time to decide to join a group because I thought if I got involved then people would think that I am not moving on. I was almost embarrased to say that I was going to get involved with other BC women. I look at it now like an opportunity to do something good for my health, meet a new circle of friends which I already have a common thread with, and to continue to build awareness about BC.

Francine has been involved in Gilda's club, Patti was in dragon boating..Kim40 has been heavily involved in a breast cancer group (not sure what group it is). I'm sure others have done things too.

Cancer does have some lingering physical and mental effects and you have had a rough start to 2011. So what if your cleaning and groceries don't get done today. Use your voice and ask for help until you get back to feeling well again. Have you really taken the time to process everything that has happened in the last couple of years? It is so important to do that. I found it so helpful to come here and talk and I talked to my daughter a lot about things and she was always so helpful and stepped in to help with things without even asking. Boys/men on the other hand tend to wait for someone to ask for help...again they aren't good mind readers and any hints go right over their heads. Find your voice sweet lady. You have gotten through a lot already. You are strong ...look what you've been through.

I don't look at my scars/body as combat either but I have to admit that sometimes when I am feeling low, I do look at my naked self...lol and I look at my scars and I think...wow...you are a champion!  It gives me strength when I need it. Maybe BC does make us special...and accomplished! Is that so bad? I would feel accomplished if I ran a marathon so why wouldn't I feel accomplished to have survived BC and all it's nasty treatments/surgeries.

Have you talked to your doctor about being depressed? Rule of thumb...if it lasts more than two weeks then you should seek some assistance.

I am sending big hugs to you Michelle. I know this has been a long rambling post but I wish you all good things.  Strength and be extra kind to yourself!

Hugs

Beth

Raymon, thanks for the compliment on my videos- they give me a lot of happiness when I watch them and I hope to be able to share my experiences with others somehow.

Michelle- I'm sorry your 2011 has gotten off to such a rocky start! I've struggled with depression a lot of my adult life. I've been on antidepressant meds for about 10 years. I tried to go off them this year as I feel like they are just masking an underlying problem - whether that problem is un-dealt with emotional issues or a physical imbalance or both- I don't know. But a few months of being off meds- I just couldn't function- the meds allow me to be more functional, so for now , I'm going to stay on them. I started seeing a therapist which I feel has been somewhat helpful for me to gain a better understanding of some of the underlying issues.

I kind of feel like my having the big Appalachian Trail hike to plan kept my mind off a lot of the post-BC fallout- and now that's done, maybe in a way I feel like I am a year behind in coming to terms with the bc crap. I still am just incredulous that I had it at 35- it still just sometimes hits me- I had breast cancer!  What the hell?

I don't feel like it changed me at all except that I feel I have more compassion for others and I feel like I have a better handle on the idea that I can't just snap my fingers and change my own habits etc- for me, its been a long road to feel better physically. the hiking this year kicked my butt, I'd always been able to just go hiking off the couch without any training and just get in shape on the trail.

I got laid off my job a year ago and it kind of worked out for me- allowed me to get cheaper health insurance and collect unemployment when I got home from the trail. I kind of feel like it was a gift in a way- this period of time to regroup and figure out what's next. I have a job starting in 3 weeks- its just 3 weeks of work- but it has the potential to turn into a good job. My DH's work is coming to a transition too- he has been working for his friend for 6+ years working on developing a commercial piece of real estate- it was finally sold, they are in the final phases of moving off the property. He and his friend are talking about starting a business. 

 A new chapter in our lives is starting- the whole BC/hiking/unemployment chapter is ending. I'm ready to embrace it.