How many of us have PTSD??

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I am living with PTSD. It has taken 2yrs for Drs. to realize it. Oh just give her this little pill she will be alright! Wrong!

I have moved out of my home and family, In my state of mine whether its wrong or right I thought I could shake my DH up Wrong!!!! Guess its better to find out now if they will stick by you. But it hurts and it sucks, I have been with this man since I was 19, Where the heck is he???? He was not a huge part when I was going through cancer,basically he wanted things to go back too normal, how do you do that???? Am I crazy????

He has made it unclear but in other ways he has made it clear we are done!! Thanks Alot is what I say. He is going to get a Will Down after we had a nice dinner together. OKAY!! So do not want your money!!!! He can take what he has and shove it where the shine does not shine. I can takcare of myself!!! Everyone wants me to get a shark lawyer but I do not want to do that. That is me!!!!!

Anyone else going through this and depression????

Hugs, B.

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Comments

  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited January 2011

    I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all this.....your title caught my eye....I really believe that PTSD is part of my problem with emotions/feelings/not being able to cry or feel like I did pre BC...but no one has ever put a label to what I am dealing with other than depression....looking to find someone who specializes in ptsd with cancer survivors.

    I hope things go the way you want with your hubby and marriage.

  • MissBianca
    MissBianca Member Posts: 2,193
    edited January 2011

    Nobleanna, I think reading through the threads, there are probably a lot of us who have PTSD, as their words describe classic symptoms of it, but may not realize it or be officially diagnosed with this. Many assume that the diagnosis simply means that you are stressed out after a traumatic event.

    There are 3 main areas of PTSD. 1. Recurrent re-experiencing of the trauma (through flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive memories) 2. Avoidance to the point of phobia, of anything that reminds oneself of the trauma, including people, places and experiences, and/or numbing of emotional responsiveness 3. Physical signs of hyperarousal (i.e. disturbed sleep, tendency to be easily startled, etc) which can include hypervigilance (excessive watchfulness) to threat.

    What this translates to for us can be things like cancelling follow up appointments to our doctors because this creates great levels of anxiety reliving it. Or it could be hypervigilance, with things like thinking a freckle is the beginning of melanoma, or every pain is a sign of mets.

    I had a heads up on what was happening to me when I realized that every pink ribbon that I saw during BC awareness month was creating great waves of anxiety in me. I had also cancelled follow up appts. to docs, had intrusive flashbacks, as well as nightmares, with the themes that my life was being threatened.

    Being able to even come on these boards has been a huge step in the right direction for me. I don't think I would be able to if my anxiety was not being medically treated.

    Nobleanna, I am sorry to hear about the lack of support you feel from your husband. Dealing with cancer can bring out the best in our loved ones. Unfortunately, more often than admitted, it can sometimes bring out less than honorable behavior in our spouses. It is such a letdown, and is crushing. I hope that your marriage can survive this, and there is restoration.

    Many blessings.

  • Ainm
    Ainm Member Posts: 781
    edited January 2011

    If it means being unable to make any decision - even the simplest ones and then being unhappy with whatever decision you do eventually make to the point of crying or being in a temper - I think I have.

  • tabby
    tabby Member Posts: 135
    edited January 2011

    I just can't seem to handle anything if it isn't positive.  Or maybe I can handle one or two "downers" in life but there is this invisible line that if crossed I am crushed.  After this last time that the line was crossed I didn't want to go back home after a night at the movies.  All of a sudden I was nauseated.  I just couldn't face life.  When I got home all I wanted to do was get a bath and go to bed.  I'm really liking the bed more lately.  For months now I have been extra jumpy at any noises and now I'm imagining the phone ringing (I don't even know why as not every phone call is bad).  I wonder how much of this is because of the non-hormones.

  • nobleanna007
    nobleanna007 Member Posts: 641
    edited February 2011

    I really wish we had our own forum for this!!!!

    It really sucks and has turned my world upsidedown! Which may not turn out to be a bad thing. Cause I really do not want to be with smeone who has vowed through Sicknes and Health! And is not their for me. 

    I know I am not a perfect angel, but damn it I have tried my hardest to be a good wife and mother. He has totaly pushed me out, and yes I left cause its his house in a trust! He has totally covered his tracks!! I never thought I would get divorce sence I have been with him since I was 19yrs old and I am 46 now.

    I have a good lawyer in my pocket but yet too call, went to Onc, Friday and have alot of my bloodwork way up in levels. I am set too see a Onc. Pyscitirist to hopefully get my meds straight. I am just dumbfounded that someone who is suppose to love you just gives up that easy, and we never fought cause he hates confrontations, so I am thinking he has one major problem and maybe I am the sane one! LOL!!!!

    Please keep talking, I don't check evry week but do try everyother, if you are having the same problems please write!!!!

    Love, B.

  • shooshoo23
    shooshoo23 Member Posts: 96
    edited February 2011

    Nobleanna,

    I am so sorry! I don't know what is wrong with some men. My husband has been really horrible too. I have had horrible panic attacks with the chemo and he yells and screams and cusses at me while I'm in the middle of my attacks. He has told me that I'm crazy and that he is suffering just as much as I am. He has refused to take me to the hospital while I'm vomitting and having diarreah at the same time. He told me I would go to the hospital when HE thought I should go to the hospital. I really think he has been more upset about how this whole thing has affected him than what it means for me. I have two boys I have to take care of not to mention getting through this. He thinks if he vaccums one time he deserves a medal and he has just completely supported me through that one act! 

  • Mazy1959
    Mazy1959 Member Posts: 1,431
    edited February 2011

    Hey Nobleann,

    Honey its not you..its not. You can not help that you have cancer. He apparently cant handle it. I know it takes 2 to make a marriage etc etc but this is quite common in the cancer world. A couple years ago, a few of us were keeping track of divorces/separations just what we knew about in the BCO chat room and it was 50% divorce rate. Hubbys dumping their wives at the time of diagnosis, during treatment, after treatment etc. Its scarey. Scream, cry and rant all you want because it truly sux. Hugs and Luvs, Mazy

  • Mazy1959
    Mazy1959 Member Posts: 1,431
    edited February 2011

    Oh and maybe this sounds selfish..but you are going to need all the money you can over the years for your treatments etc. At least get your fair share even if that means he has to sell his house.

  • amontro
    amontro Member Posts: 504
    edited February 2011

    I just copied a list of symptoms from a government website "ncbi,nlm.nih.gov",  but it wouldn't paste. 

      The other thing that bothers me is watching other women's low cut exposures on tv and movies. I used to  have cleavage and now I feel that I have nothing to offer even with reconstruction around the corner.  My long time partner has been scared off sex since the single mx 2 years ago, and I'm not sure the implant is going to work with  him.  He's a "boob" man as so many are. I'm having the implant for me so I can feel like a woman again.

  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited February 2011

    PTSD - YES...and treating for it.  I never quite recovered from the breakup of my marriage in March of 1998 then ob-gyn confirmed the lump I found in November of 1998 - went through that ordeal and the divorce at the same time, my dad died in the middle of my chemo, I relocated back to my home state and got life started again then my significant other was killed in a car crash in 2006 on February 18th and most recently, just when I was thinking about dating again - dx'd with mets in 09/2009 - oh yes, most definately PTSD and doing pretty will now that I am on the proper medication and under the care of psychiatrist that specializes in bc mets patients. 

    The life things, I could have handled.  The cancer things I could have handled.  But the two combined - gimme the meds and let me have control back in my life!

  • calamtykel
    calamtykel Member Posts: 1,187
    edited February 2011

    I finished chemo in November and had a scare about a month ago with a benign lump at my collarbone.  I'm experiencing lots of PTSD.  I am on lexapro - have been for 2 weeks and it's not helping much.  I need ativan to sleep at night, and only at night.  I think I'm having side effects from the lexapro too - just called my doctor about it. 

    I feel so scared moving forward.  I never thought this could happen to me - the anxiety is intense.  It makes me dizzy, light headed and like I can't get a deep breath.  It's always there, underlying.  I feel depressed with it too - like i don't enjoy the stuff I used to.  I thought I was doing better but it seems to be back these past few days.  

    I'm scared I'll never feel better again.  Our cancer bills are mountainous - I can't afford a therapist.  Does anyone have any suggestions for other medications?  Prozac maybe?  I don't tolerate medications well, unfortunately and am very sensitive to them.

    But just wanted to let you all know that I know how you feel..............

  • CrazyKitties
    CrazyKitties Member Posts: 180
    edited February 2011

    I have had PTSD 3 times in my life, for different reasons. The last time it happened, when I realized that we got my cancer out in the nick of time before it could jump to my nodes, I had the proverbally PTSD nervous breakdown. First 3 days, completely numb. Then, waves of panic, over and over. Couldn't leave the house---actually had to force myself to pick up the phone, call my friend Fritzi, and begged her to come to my house because I was afraid to get in the shower. Couldn't breathe, or cry. Long story short, cancer gives you PTSD for a long time. You are normal. I take 15 mg of buspar for anxiety along with lexapro, and it works for me.  For those of you who had marriages end due to cancer, you will find someone again, you will. This time, it will be easy to weed out the assholes. There ARE men out there who are willing to love you, scars and all.

  • KansasKay
    KansasKay Member Posts: 33
    edited February 2011

    Miss Bianca - thank you for your post.  I've stayed away for the discussions as I don't agree with many on certain key issues.  But I came back when I saw the lymph node articles and wondered what others were saying.  The information you provided about PTSD was like you had just described the past two years of my life.  I am almost impossible to live with when I have an appointment coming up with the oncologist.  My husband has hung in there with me but at times I know I had pushed him to his limit.  This hit me after we had moved to a new state and I didn't have any family (except my husband) or close friends.  I leaned on him for all my emotional support.  It got a little better when I found a Gilda's Club.  Finally I could blow off some of my feelings with others that understood.  I found many of the other women didn't really like their oncologist and thought they were often cold and uncaring.  It helped to know that I wasn't alone in those feelings.  I had mainly heard, from the few people I know that have had breast cancer, that their doctors were wonderful and caring.  One of the oncs told me that maybe if I got a job I wouldn't focus so much on the side effects!  Oh yes, there are companies just lined up to hire a 56 yr. old cancer patient!!!

    The thing that was really interesting to me was the thing about noise.  I do not tolerate noise well  now.  Some people moved in next door with three boys.  Our neighborhood had been mostly retired people and all the neighbors were quiet.  These people put up a portable basketball goal and a trampoline in the backyard.  I have a beautiful yard that I poured hours of work into before cancer surgery.  Now I can barely stand to go enjoy my yard because those kids are out there screaming all the time in the summer.  I've never had problems with neighbors before and I've lived in 7 different states.  They are violating the deed restrictions but we would have to hire a lawyer to get them to take these things down. With the housing market being down in our area, we weren't able to sell our house and move.  We had to spend $5K to put up a fence to keep them out of your yard.  So, I feel that there is an invader in my body and I cannot find peace in my home, which had been my one safe place. 

    Though it doesn't change anything, like finding Gilda's Club, it helps to know that it isn't just me.  Taking St. John's Wort has helped me a little.  I haven't felt quite as edgy in the past month since starting this OTC.  The thought of going to a therapist - yet another doctor - was not something I was willing to do but it may be right for others. Thanks again for your post. - Kay

  • minxie
    minxie Member Posts: 484
    edited February 2011

    I have it, bad. During my treatment I had a lot of hopes raised and then dashed, poor and un-compassionate treatment at a hospital, and unpleasant surprises. About 9 months after treatment ended, I started breaking down.

    I'm on anti-anxiety meds now, and and seeing a therapist and going to try EMDR therapy soon.

  • tabby
    tabby Member Posts: 135
    edited February 2011

    I went to a cancer counselor a couple of times this past month.  It really helped me to hear from him that this is completely normal.  He is a bc counselor and says he sees just as many survivors as he does those who are undergoing treatment.  I am having anxiety and some depression and as much as i DREADED going to another doctor, he said not to rule out drugs as a help getting through this even temporarily.  I don't hate doctors, but it's kind of like opening another can of worms (been there done that enough already).  Anyway, tried to feel courageous going to the doctor and explaining what was going on and she was great--very understanding.  She put me on Xanex for the time being and wants me to take it a few times during the week when I feel anxious.  Not sure it's helpful (makes me sleepy) and the rest of the week had more signs of depression as all I am very groggy and had one day of not wanting to speak to anyone (kind of weird).  Anyway, long story short....it's understandable this is happening but it sure feels unfair.  Cancer snuck up on us.  Now this is sneaking up too.  I was hoping to just celebrate that it was all over and feel renewed.  Now I'm re-evaluating everything in my life...even if where I live is where I want to.  CRAZY.

  • desertskyz
    desertskyz Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2011

    I am new here, so I thought I would start here.  I have it all.  But, recently have had a terrible backup, BC, and a add dose of Femara, I feel like a trainreck getting ready to happen.   My Doc put me on prozak,  It helped a little, but I felt very flat.  Not happy, not sad, just flat.  So I stopped after one month.  I'm very anti drug.  So I started reading my Encyclopedia of Nutritional Supplements.   I went on SAMe,  High potency Vitamins, C, B complex, Folic Acid, Calcium +D, Inositol, selenium.   I like it.  I do have trouble sleeping so I may add some melatonin.

     I hate Femara.  I don't want to take it any more,  is there a thread for that.  I want to go as natural as possible.  I am also changing my diet.  NO SOY.  Ha Ha  go luck find stuff with out it.  

    PTSD and depression suck and I have had anxiety attacks since I was about 8.  I was always told I was being stupid.    I fight it everyday. I do take Klonopin for that.  But I have been good and have not acted out on the things I could do to get back at those that have done me wrong, really wrong.  But the thoughts are still there.  SAMe plus the other stuff help,  exercise,  good diet.  Many of us have an addition problem too.   All I can say is look for alternatives instead of pharmesuiticals. <<can't spell that.   There has to be a better way. 

  • MissBianca
    MissBianca Member Posts: 2,193
    edited February 2011

    Desertskyz,

    Welcome to BCO! I have found this site to be a great support and source of daily encouragement. I hope you will too.  I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Feeling like a train wreck is something a lot of us could relate to. I have been feeling an improvement in my overall sense of well being, and for this I am very grateful. We can heal from our mental and emotional states as well as our physical one. Not too long ago, I was in a very dark place gripped by a lot of fear. I have been focused daily on getting well in every way, and eliminating that which pulls me down. This shift in focus has been my compass, and I thank God for that.

    It sounds like you are doing great things to help improve your condition. I had a very rough time with Femara (in conjunction with Lupron shots). It was a great relief to switch to Tamoxifen, although it has had considerable side effects as well. Everyone has an individual response to meds, and if you are having a hard time, maybe it is something you can discuss with your doctor. There are other choices, and you might react differently to another AI or hormone tx.

    I am a great believer in a good diet, exercise, and supplements as well. I got through all my lengthy treatment with the support of Sam E and it was enough. However, after I completed tx and had been on tamoxifen for a while, I crashed. The sam e didn't do the trick. If I took 200 mg I felt like I was sinking. If I took 400 mg I felt like impending doom was within the hour. Hormone tx deprives the brain of estrogen which we need to maintain a healthy mood. As much as I hate to use an antidepressant, I found it is what I needed to combat the side effects of the tamoxifen, as well as the emotional aftermath of BC tx. I hope that I will reach a state of wellness that I don't need it, but as long as I am on the tamoxifen, I understand my brain is being chemically altered, so I will do what is necessary to maintain a healthy mood and combat side effects. I send you the warmest wishes in your journey of recovery.

    Kansas Kay, I'm so glad that you found the info helpful. I have used St. John's Wort in the past for mild depression and it worked for me at the time. I remember the only side effect it had was photosensitivity, with getting sunburns easily with little exposure. I am not in my home state either, and it does have the drawback of not having extended family nearby. It's great that you found a Gilda's Club. I loved Gilda Radner on SNL. She brought people a lot of joy and laughter in her lifetime.

    Many blessings.

  • sgreenarch
    sgreenarch Member Posts: 528
    edited February 2011

    Did a search on PTSD this morning and lucky me! I'm not alone and not even crazy. In fact I think any other response to the shock and trauma of a breast cancer dx might be unrealistic. I just went for my first mammogram post dx last week. Going back to that same room, to the table where I had the ultrasound and the biopsy made me actually feel sick. Was hard to breathe there. I kept thinking that I'd likely not return to the scene of a plane crash, how was this any different? Since then, though thank heavens everything is ok with my remaining breast, I've been a wreck. A bundle of psychosomatic symptoms, pick one, I've got it. Back ache, neck ache, frequent urination, insomnia, nausea, irritability, can't concentrate, etc. Wake up in the middle of the night with terrible anxiety that every little thing is cancer (what else causes frequent urination? Why some horrid urinary tumor, of course!) I've been seeing a lovely therapist but I think it may be time for hardcore drugs. I hate the idea of taking more meds and worry about them making tamoxifen less effective. (I actually realize the sorry state I'm in...that even the thought of anti anxiety drugs make me anxious. Kind of funny...) people say this gets better with time and I imagine they're right, but I feel like I'm just now absorbing what really happened last summer. Til now I was dealing with the medical aspects. Now I've started to look into reconstruction options and I'm a wreck. Interesting that it's hitting now. Thanks for starting this thread. Sorry you've all been through this but I selfishly am glad to have you.

  • agada
    agada Member Posts: 452
    edited February 2011

    I was told my my counselor that PSTD can be normal in cancer patients and needs to be treated. I don't understand why your husband is not helping you.  Stick to someone else to talk to then.  I have no support system at home as I take care of my father who has had two strokes and does not understand PSTD.  He does not believe in it and my brother just tells me to get over it. I know how you feel.  Meds and talking to an impartial person will help you in the long run.

    Agada

  • rackie
    rackie Member Posts: 192
    edited April 2011

    ladies.  i finished my chemo in november and had two surgeries in a month,  now i am doing radiation.  lately, i have found myself in a very bad place mentally.  i can't stop crying and everything that goes wrong, i think is my cancer returning.  since the surgery i have had trouble peeing.   i had a spinal mri and it was normal.  the bladder is slowly getting back to normal.  the urologist said it was due to the two surgeries and all the meds i have been on. i am going to see a counsillor on thursxday.  my husband yells at me, everytime i cry.  i should be happy, because the diagnosis after the surgeries was excellent, but i still get my mind around moving on!  please can anyone give me some advise?

    jackie

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited August 2011

    rackie -----why no one responed ---------i don't know-----------i'll bump this and lets see what happens

  • catbill
    catbill Member Posts: 326
    edited August 2011

    Moving on is really difficult.  I read somewhere that it takes an average of two years before we can reach the point where we stop thinking of breast cancer every day, and move on with our  lives.  Does it just happen?  Do I need to do something?  I'm less than a year out from diagnosis and treatment.  Am I just expecting too much?  I was told my prognosis was good, so why am I obsessing about this?  Maybe it's just such a traumatic experience to hear the words "You have breast cancer" that the ability to deal with it comes in small pieces over time.  I take a Xanax once in a while for sleep.  Since I'm here at 5AM, guess it doesn't always work.

  • Merilee
    Merilee Member Posts: 3,047
    edited August 2011

    PTSD is very prevalent in cancer patients. I have had 2 recurrences since my initial diagnosis in 2009. Yes, I have PTSD. I  also, in may, I just lost a brother to cancer while going through chemo myself for the second time. I don't think I will ever get over that trauma, and my life will never be the same.

  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited August 2011

    rackie, how are you doing?

    Merilee, so sorry for the loss of your brother. 

    It's possible I may be suffering from PTSD.  I was diagnosed in Jan. of this year.  I went the first six months of being emotional but able to hold it together.  I was very busy with work and son finishing his senior year in high school.  After his graduation party in June, I just seemed to fall apart. All of a sudden I had so much anxiety.  I'm 53 yrs old and went into menopause when chemo began in Feb.  

    My 49 yr old brother had emergency heart surgery with complications.  That added to my stress.  Plus getting my son ready for college (and myself emotionally prepared for the transition as well). And dealing with the canser treatments.  I work as an aide in school, so I've been off work all summer and maybe have too much time on my hands to think.

    I did start to realize my appts with the doctors heightened my anxiety.  It takes me a long time to deal with the anxiety afterwards.  I've begun the process of looking for a doctor to prescribe some meds, I've tried prozac, zoloft (both made me more anxious) and remefor (makes me lethargic) all prescribed by the onc.  I think I need a psychiatrist to help me find the right meds.   I'd just like to feel calm enough to function well throughout the day.

  • CrazyKitties
    CrazyKitties Member Posts: 180
    edited August 2011

    I had  PTSD twice before breast cancer. 

  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited August 2011

    yes PTSD under treatment

  • calamtykel
    calamtykel Member Posts: 1,187
    edited August 2011

    I was very  interested to read of the list of three symptoms.  I thought PTSD was panic attacks, etc, which I was having back in January to the severest level, while on tamoxifen.  It went on all day - my heart pounding and racing as if I'd had 10 cans of Jolt drink.  I'd wake up in the morning and lie in bed and then say "uh oh - here it comes" and it would come over me like a wave.  I was on lexapro, ativan and xanax - none of which touched it.  When I ditched the tamox which was scary by itself, they went away and I didn't need the anti-anxieties anymore.

    However I still do  have those three symptoms of being hyper vigilant, NOT wanting to think about going back to the doctor (I am due for an app't in early sept and haven't made it yet)  absolutely not wanting any kind of testing (bloodwork, scans, etc) because I don't think I can handle the anxiety of waiting.  I put myself into situations in my imagination of being stage 4 - or receiving bad news of a scan or bloodwork.  Every new symptom scares me.  I think about the cancer center - the smells, the people, and I feel a knot in my stomach.  

    I can talk about my cancer - I can be thankful and look back on certain aspects of it and say "that wasn't so bad - I survived that!"  I can enjoy my children, my family and have good times.  I can be happy - content.  But it's still "there" -underlying, if that makes sense.  Not to the point of where I'm having a miserable life, but it is there.

    I never realized it was PTSD. 

  • dontworrybehappy
    dontworrybehappy Member Posts: 61
    edited August 2011

    at 48 my periods started doing weird things. pretty much everyone i know at my job is on somekind of antianxiety med. i wanted to get something because i know how it helped me when my father was dying. i asked my female obgyn if she subscribed to prescribing anti-depressants. she replied that what i do. she originally prescribed pristiq, my ins would not cover, we then went to effexor and i get the generic. i started out with 75ml, then at 6mos i went up to 150ml. six mos later i find out i have cancer and i looked at an old photo of my deceased rather and said, "either way it goes, i'll be just fine. its just the loved ones that take it really hard. im a recoverying alcohol and drug addict sober 22 years. what ever the situation i find myself in my 12 step group taught me to pray the serenity prayer. god...or higher power or buddah grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things can and the wisdom to know the difference. what more can i ask for. this website is our own 12 step program and to my knowledge there really arent any rules, or at least the moderators hasnt called me on any. so we are blessed for this site. keep coming back!!!!!

  • dontworrybehappy
    dontworrybehappy Member Posts: 61
    edited August 2011

    and ps, if an anti-depressant help me not to have to pull over and cry after i see a dead squirrel on the road, then i think thats a good thing. also i found out that effexor is supposed to help with night sweats, dont know yet. they need a cure for car sweats down here in texas, where you could make toast inside my vehicle.

  • michgreg7
    michgreg7 Member Posts: 3
    edited August 2011

    I think I am too... i am consistantly sabatoging my relationship with an amazing man, who HAS stuck with me through thick and thin. I am hurting him, and myself, i am losing control of all things around me!!! I dont know how im gonna handle ALL THIS

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