Meltdown

Options

So, 5 months from DX and 4 months from surgery I finally had a meltdown! My poor DH. For the 2nd time I felt freakish and deformed and my TE's look great. I finally admitted I'm so afraid it will come back!!!

My timing was not so great but my husband was so understanding and caring.

I hope I don't have another one of those anytime soon : UGH

Jan

Comments

  • Alyad
    Alyad Member Posts: 817
    edited January 2011

    You were way overdue! All of us have meltdowns at one time or another. There is a thread on here about depression- titled Great Saying about depression - the saying- depression is not a sign of weakness but a sign that have you been strong for too long. I am still dealing 2 years out from dx. But I haven't had a bc related meltdown in awhile.

  • jan508
    jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
    edited January 2011

    Thanks! I try to always look on the positive side of things but for some reason, I don't know if its the Tamoxifen or what it just hit me....

    I'm actually not depressed

    Jan

  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited January 2011

    Hang in there!  Yes, definitely over due!  Thank God for wonderful husbands!

    XOXOXO

  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited January 2011

    After being dx'd I was so worried about everyone else that I didn't take the time to think about me.  Then came the day..................I had a terrible meltdown sometime during chemo.  After having that meltdown I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders - it was well overdue.  I think we all need to have that meltdown, sometimes more than once.

  • jan508
    jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
    edited January 2011

    See, I can always come here for support!!! You ladies are the BEST!!!!

    I'll get through this I know, I just needed to vent a little....

    God Bless you All!!!

    Jan

  • Alyad
    Alyad Member Posts: 817
    edited January 2011

    not saying you are depressed- just that its good to let your feelings out- not doing so can lead to depression.

  • jan508
    jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
    edited January 2011

    oh, I agree, thanks!

    Jan

  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited January 2011

    (((JAN)))) gentle hugs girlfriend!

  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited January 2011

    I need and want a meltdown desperately....just can't make it happen....so I say good for you to be able to get it out....((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

  • jan508
    jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
    edited January 2011

    Thanks all!

    Karen: I think it's the Tamoxifen making me nuts Yell

    Jan

  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited January 2011

    I haven't even had surgery yet and I am melting down all the time.........you mean it isn't going to stop after surgery either?  (LOL!).  My poor husband is out of things to say, but he holds me and just rubs my back or arm....it means a lot. 

  • pegpro
    pegpro Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2011

    Just finished my 7 wks of radiation after surgery.  Thought this would be such a happy day but I am freaking out.  I think I finally just faced the fact that I did have cancer,  I feel that now that treatment is over,I'm just out there waiting for it to come back.Has anyone else felt like this?

  • Rachel1
    Rachel1 Member Posts: 363
    edited January 2011

    Yes, Pegpro, I feel that way and it sucks. I'm also 7 wks.out from rads. Had my 1st ever PET/CT scan which was clear. Thank God. But did find out I'm BRCA2+ . Will this journey ever end?? It is hard after treatment ends. There's the big, silent, what now?? Folks tell me it gets better. I'm still waiting. 

    As for me, I'm onto removing my ovaries and tubes and bilat. mastectomy.  The fun continues.

    Rachel 

  • horse-n-around
    horse-n-around Member Posts: 79
    edited February 2011

    I had a melt down yesterday at work  its just TOO MUCH stress at the moment.  The anxiety of my upcoming BMX (2/16) is eating away at my nerves.  

    this is brutal and I am not even post op yet :(

  • dragonflymary
    dragonflymary Member Posts: 356
    edited February 2011

    Dear Horse-n,

    Just writing to give you a little support.  Your dx is a lot like mine and I did have the bilateral mastectomy last August.  The build up to the surgery was brutal--I was mainly just angry at everyone and everything.  It's a big surgery so give yourself a lot of permission to go a little crazy.  In retrospect, I tried to hold it together, even after the surgery and didn't give myself enough time to just "be sick."  I acted all strong and invincible and that was just stupid, however, it kept my energy up and kept me fighting.  Slowly but surely it caught up until I felt pretty crazy (and probably acted that way too!)  The emotional healing is different from the physical healing--it goes like a roller coaster instead of a straight line.  There are great days, bad days, and just plain *%^#@ days!  If you're having a bad day give yourself permission to check out of ALL responsibility that you can possibly leave behind.  Tell yourself "I'm sick and I deserve to pamper myself today."  My bad days are slowly getting fewer.  Some days I just have to be a b-----, and then forgive myself afterward.  Good luck with your surgery and everyone here can help.  And remember, stress is not good for your healing process so get as much stress out of your life as you can.  (I know--easier said than done!!)

  • horse-n-around
    horse-n-around Member Posts: 79
    edited February 2011

    Hi dragonflymary

    So many of the things you wrote hit so home with me.   I really appreciate your post.  I have had my very angry moments (its not angry because of the bc, but angry that my life is getting turned upside down from it).  If it was a quick fix,  couple of day thing I don't think it would bother me nearly as much.

    I think some of is, I sure as heck don't feel sick yet and this looming surgery is driving me insane.  I am very active and very self much a "do it myselfer",  I don't like people waiting on me, I don't like feeling vulnerable and needy.   I don't want anyone doing my chores (feeding & caring for the horses).  UGH!

    I know this is small stuff and I really shouldn't "sweat it" but this is me and the way I am (right or wrong).

  • flash
    flash Member Posts: 1,685
    edited February 2011

    horse-n-around- do have someone else do your horse for quite a long time.  It will decrease the chance of lymphedema. You don't want to get Lymphadema.  LE and riding don't mix well.  Make sure your surgeon knows you ride.  It changes where to put the incision line and the possible "dog ear" equation. Pm if you need more info.

    flash

  • horse-n-around
    horse-n-around Member Posts: 79
    edited February 2011

    Hi Flash

    Both my BS & PS know I have horses and ride a lot.  I am not sure though if the BS "knows" much about riding (I don't think she is familar with what muscles are involved in it.  I am very interested to know more about it

Categories