Sex after BC - Partner with ED?

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66andDating
66andDating Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer

My apologies if this topic has been addressed -- or if it offends anyone.  Just started dating after 20 post-divorce years of being busy with career, single parenthood and then cancer. 

 I read the book "Intimacy After Breast Cancer" so I was prepping myself to contend with vaginal atrophy and dryness ... met somebody really nice and we were getting along very well, so I decided to "take it to the next level". 

I guess I had forgotten that not only am I 20 years older than when I was last sexually active, the men in my age group are too !  So -- hoping my BC sisters could give me advice on how to approach this sensitive subject.  He's on some blood-pressure medication and beta-blockers, so I don't know whether he would be a candidate for medication like Viagra or Cialis or whether he has tried them ...

Any advice ?  I don't want to hurt his ego because I REALLY, REALLY liike him (about 30 seconds away from the L-word) 

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited January 2011

    I am not embaressed, but don't want my business on the internet, so I PM"d you.

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  • 66andDating
    66andDating Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2011

    Thanks !  I don't see the PM yet, but I'll look for it.

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited January 2011

    I think there are two parts to this.

    1. You need to be understanding and supportive.  If you are out there with books and vaginal dryness cures, I suspect the playing field is even.
    2. Then, assuming this is really a problem, and it might not be, HE needs to go have the convo with his doctors.  Words like "unacceptable" often work wonders.  Because there is usually a solution to these issues.

    I think we have Bob Dole to thank for making these conversations a lot easier than they used to be.  I realize he got paid money for the advertisements, but it also took guts to go out there.

    Anyway, I am sure you can go easy on the guy.  If you both really like each other, I am sure things will work out just fine.  Flattery.....and telling him how attractive you find him.....will work wonders.  So will laughter when things don't go quite as planned. 

    Make sure you make him feel loved and extra-special, and build from there.  (You don't have to use the L-word to do that, it's a lot more in what you do than in what you say.)

    Can I tell you that I am thriilled for you???  Now, I want you two to go practice so you have it all down just right for Valentine's Day!!!

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  • imbell
    imbell Member Posts: 659
    edited January 2011

    My husband has been on beta blockers qnd cholesteral drugs for 23 year. When he was in his 50s it didn't seem to matter but we did slow down and since 2001 he has been ED after prostate surgery. Viagara won't work but there is a self administered shot that causes erection and doesn't affect other organs like Viagara. Needs to speak to a doctor or a urologist they have more answers.

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