Surgery Scheduled....freaking out!

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mdg
mdg Member Posts: 3,571
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

I just got the call.  BLMX and immediate reconstruction with TE scheduled for 1/27.  I started crying as soon as I got off the phone.  I guess this really makes it clear that this is really going to happen.  A part of me wants it over with and the other part of me wants that day to never come.  I hate breast cancer.....can I just say that?  I can't believe this is my life..........ugh!

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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited January 2011

    mdg - Hugs to you my friend.  I am so sorry I can't be there with you to comfort you.  We all hate BC and wish it never happened to any of us.  But, you will get through this - there is life on the other side.

    Can I ask - with your dx, why the BLMX and reconstruction?  Why not a lumpectomy?  Is there a family history?  My dx is very similar to yours and I did the lump

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  • migallen
    migallen Member Posts: 125
    edited January 2011

    Hi mdg,

    I will be thinking about you on the 27th, as that is the exact same day that I am having my BLMX.  Yes getting the call, means that's is more real somehow.  I got the call yesterday, and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, that I felt like falling asleep right then and there. You will do great.

    min

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited January 2011

    Jo  I decided on BLMX because of the difference in recurrence rates between lump+rads and mastectomy.  I am also on the younger end at 45.  They told me that I am twice as likely to get BC in the other breast at this point too.  I have a 4 year old son and I want to do everything possible to be here to raise him and never have a recurrence.  I know this will not guarantee that, but I know if it did come back, I personally could not forgive myself that I didn't do the BLMX from the beginning.  I also know if it comes back, I would get a MX anyway.  This is such a hard, personal decision.  I don't want in any way to make you doubt your decision by explaining my decision.  Part of it is just the worry, Type A, control-freak personality I have.  I just want to do this now and never look back.  I hope that's how it works out.  I hope all is well with you!

     Migallen - good luck.  We will have to chat before the 27th (the freak out date).  I can't imagine how neurotic I will be by the 26th.  I am going to need a lot of medication................

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  • jo1955
    jo1955 Member Posts: 8,543
    edited January 2011

    mdg - I totally understand and respect your decision.  I freaked out when my surgeon even mentioned mastectomy.  Even though I am 55, I was in no way ready to give up my boob.  Looking back, I think the decision was made when I was in a state of total shock but today I don't regret that decision.  I can always do the mastectomy at a later date.  You are absolutely right, no matter what we do, there are no guarantees.  We are left with making very difficult personal decisions.

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  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 5,758
    edited January 2011

    mdg:  I am sorry you have to go through this.  The decisions are difficult, as those of use who have already been through surgery, well remember.  You make the decision that will give you the best peace of mind.  I started with lump and then did re-excission before I went to mx.  I still only did the one side.  I was still all wishy-washy about doing reconstruction and until the day before my mx I wasn't sure I would do it (I did).  You just have to look at all your options, read a lot (here is a greeat resource) to learn what other people's experiences are like, and that will help you realize you will get through this, as scary as it may be.  You will come through a survivor!

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  • flannelette
    flannelette Member Posts: 984
    edited January 2011

    Dear mdg - I am sorry you are going through this. I have a positive story to share. My mom had a radical mastectomy in 1951. She was 44, I was 4.   Back then they had no chemo, no rads. She'd had a lump under her arm for a year which her dr discounted, until she saw another dr...who knows what stage she was, or her grade?  bless her, she lived cancer-free till 81. I understand the wonderful gift you are giving your child.....and the surgery is not awful (at least wasn't at all for me in 1 day, out the next, and no pain ever) and your life will go on.....Best wishes, take tranks, as many as you need! ps pls don't think she passed her cancer  by genetics to me - I'm BRCA negative.

    Arlene

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited January 2011

    Thanks Souad.  I know I would do ANYTHING for my son and that's why I am doing everything I am doing.  I love him more than life.  I don't care what they do to my body, I just want to be here to see him grow up and to be a part of his life for a really long time. 

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  • dawn31337
    dawn31337 Member Posts: 307
    edited January 2011

    Don't freak out.  No, none of this is pleasant, but it isn't as horrifying as you think it is.  The worst part is the anticipation.

    I had BLM with immediate reconstruction with TE 10/15.  That was a Friday.  I was back to work FT Monday (I have a desk job and I work from home).  The BLM doesn't hurt because they cut all the nerves.  The TEs are somewhat uncomfortable because they are very hard.  The expansion doesn't hurt either, but you will feel fullness. I just got done 4 rounds of DD AC and begin 4 DD T tomorrow. I was queasy perhaps 2 or 3 times with the AC.  Not sure what to expect from the taxol, but I'll find out tomorrow.  

    Breast Cancer is NOT your life, just a small part of it.  For me, BC is every other Thursday. That's it.  I still go out, ride my Harley when it's nice enough, date, have a drink now and then, everything I always did.  I get tired and usually take a nap at lunchtime.  The wigs can be fun if you think of it that way. It sucks we have to go through this, but a positive attitude will take you a long way. Good luck to you.  The treatment really isn't as horrible as you probably expect.

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