Telling the kids

I  have 4 kids and they were 11,9,7, and 4 when I was diagnosed.  Initially I had a lumpectomy and we just  told them I had breast cancer.  We said we caught it very early and Mommy had to have it taken out.  When I then found out I had to have a mastectomy I was devastated and I know my kids picked up on that.  We again went with honesty.  The Dr couldn't get it all the first time and that I had to have another bigger surgery.  I tried to prepare them for my physical limitations afterwards but it's hard.  I was such a wreck I'm not sure  I was much help.  I did have to have rads after my mast.  We just told the kids the truth in words they could understand.  My older kids had a lot more questions and wanted to know more details.  I explained the mast as being similiar to carving out a pumpkin (stem being the nipple).  My middle askd to see my scar but my eldest wanted nothing to do with it.  My youngest has seen me as she was ready.  It's been a slow process and they have all dealt with it in their own way.  I even had to bring all 4 to radiation at times!  I think being open and honest is the best way to go!  HTH.

My girls are younger than your chidren - they were 5 and 7 when I was diagnosed.  I wanted to be honest with them about my breast cancer, but I didn't want to scare them.  One of my best friends died the year before, and they knew it was due to cancer.  I was afraid that if I told them I had cancer, nothing I could do would reassure them that I would be ok.  On the other hand, I wanted to be accurate with what I said.

In the end, I explained that I had unhealthy cells in my breasts and that the doctor needed to remove those cells.  I said that I would have to stay in the hospital for a short time and that when I came home I would be sore for a while.  That seemed to make sense to them and they were satisfied. 

Surprisingly, it was my 5 year old who came back and asked me questions.  She wanted to know how they found the unhealthy cells in the first place (I described what a mammogram was) and how they planned to get the cells out (I explained how they would make the incision and take out the cells).  She asked me to explain the whole thing to her a 2nd time a few days later.

I came out of my bmx with TEs in place and I wasn't much smaller than I was before surgery.  However, the girls soon noticed the scars and the fact that I had no nipples.  I explained that the doctor had to take the nipples off when he removed the unhealthy cells, but that another doctor was going to make me new nipples eventually.  Again, that satisfied their curiousity.  They haven't even noticed that my breasts are gradually growing.

Eventually I plan to tell them I had breast cancer, of course.  If not for their extremely negative association with the word "cancer," I would have told them at the outset.  I continue to answer any questions that they have as they come up.

Hope that helps!

Heidi

i was diagnosed in september 10, and had my left mastectomy two weeks ago. complications had me back in hospital over new year, so its been an interesting few weeks home now and finding the tissue expanders fairly unpleasant.

regards telling kids, my daughter is 13 and i kept it simple but was honest. i said darling i had some tests and theyve found very early breast cancer which is totally treatable but i have to have my breast removed so they can get rid of all the cancer, and im going to be in hospital for a while, but it will all be okay. to which she asked: will you die? (no, i dont plan on dying), will you lose your hair? (possibly, but who knows, and anyway thatll be  kind of intersting) and are there any chocolate muffins left in the fridge?

probably the thing i was least prepared for was the discomfort, and limited movement, due to the TE. Three days out of hopsital and im fairly useless. Cant wash up, tidy, and need lots of sleep. thank god i have relatives here. but my daughter seems oblivious and will help if i ask but not unless i actually ASK

so perhaps some preparation around the need for kids to help out once mummy is home is a good idea.

Glad it went well.  I felt such relief after we told our kids..they knew something was 'up' anyway.  When we were going to tell our kids we had just finished dinner and I told them we had something to tell them.  Our oldest (11) said "are you pregnant again?"  We have 4 so he was just used to us announcing a new baby!  LOL!  That did make us laugh!

I was diagnosed with DCIS in November. We have 2 boys -  11 and 8.  We waited until I had the mx surgery scheduled and Grandma lined up to come stay with us before we told them anything.  I wanted to be able to lay out a definite plan.  The worst part of the diagnosis was the not knowing.  I tried to avoid the unknowns for them.

At first we just told them the doctors found some cells in my breast that looked bad and needed to come out and that I would be going to the hospital for surgery.  They were satisfied with that level of information. 

 After the surgery and receipt of the pathology report, we gave them more information and used the words breast cancer.  I think it wasn't as scary to hear the cancer words at that point since they could see Mom was home and doing all right.  I did want them to hear the words from me and not from some other source.

I think the kids just want to know how this will affect them at this age.  My boys biggest concerns were who would pick them up from school on the surgery day and who was bringing dinner next.