How far do you go in telling relatives?

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3monstmama
3monstmama Member Posts: 1,447
edited June 2014 in High Risk for Breast Cancer

First off, I have NO idea if this is the right place for this question so moderators, feel free to move.

I just got done sending a friend request to a possibly comple stranger on Facebook who may be a half brother whom I didn't know growing up and haven't had the least bit of contact with for 25 years.  I contacted him because I thought he and our half sister should know that breast cancer has popped up in the family tree. To the best of my knowledge, there was no breast cancer on the family tree, at least not the maternal side, until me.  The half brother and sister and I share the same salmon of a father.  I have not done genetic testing because it scares the heck out of me.  My monsters are not biological so I have no fear of sharing any bad genes with my children.

It was hard to send the email since I have no great desire for contact.  But I did tell my cousin [related maternally] who I hadn't seen in 15 years because he has a daughter and I thought she should know [goodness, we certainly aren't a close family, are we?} and when I "found" maybe my brother and saw that he had a daughter and granddaughter, I thought it was the right thing to do.

Was it?  I'm not sure I know.  I asked my oncologist last year and she said it was appropriate but I still feel a bit bothered [even though the house is now clearly out of the barn on this one].  So I wondered, what have other women done?  If you have family on your family tree who you really don't have contact with, did you notify them of your breast cancer so that they would know to list it for their medical records?  Or did you just carry on?

editted to correct that I have no great desire for contact with my half brother or half sister.  We didn't know each other growing up, our father is best described as a salmon and we met each other maybe 4-5 times in our lives.

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  • SarahsMom
    SarahsMom Member Posts: 1,779
    edited January 2011

    Hi - I have not been diagnosed with BC, but I applaud your efforts!!!  My family has been much too close hold with information. I wish I'd known a few things about our BC, ovarian and bone cancer history that recently popped up, only because I did a "shake down" to get the info I needed for genetic testing. I guess some families are just too proud to admit there is an issue, and frankly, that is unfair and even dangerous. 

    You may have saved someone's life! You never know! You may get a phone call someday thanking you.  It sounds like this is really bothering you, but I hope you will let yourself off the hook - you had cancer, it is a fact - and we know the gene can run rampant in a family and pop up who knows when, that is also a fact. Not like you were being a drama queen about it, just factual.

    Sending you a hug and hope you will wake up tomorrow morning feeling good about your decision and never look back!

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  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited January 2011

    I have always been looking for my daughter - thankfully, I found her, her husband and 3 grandchildren 3 years ago August - it was a great experience - and I applaud your efforts - medical history was one of the first things we openly shared. 

    It can go either way - I was lucky to be enveloped into the fold. 

    I would have been just as happy to know she was alive and well and maybe the knowledge I could give her could save her life or the girls.

    If you don't take the shot - nothing happens. 

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited January 2011

    3montsmama, what you did was a great kindness. I suspect that you're second-guessing yourself now because you're worried that they might misinterpret your motives. Well, there's nothing you can do about that. It does not diminish what you did.

    All the best.

    Leah

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