Regretting lost opportunity...

Laurie09 · January 2011

I had a really good job opportunity recently that I passed up because it involved moving far away (I am single) and I was afraid of moving away from my family and I could tell it made them uncomfortable. I debated and debated and in the end felt I couldn't commit to the move, so I turned it down. I thought I was doing the right thing, but ever since I turned it down I have been regretting the decision. I e-mailed them end of last week to see if by any chance the position was still open, but I haven't heard back.

I'm really sad, and I feel like I passed up a great opportunity. I'm having trouble moving past the feeling of regret.

I thought I was doing so well moving past the fears of cancer recurrence, but when I thought of moving away, it seemed so daunting and overwhelming. How do I keep this from holding me back? Cry

iodine · January 2011

Well, I believe we have regrets about almost anything untried and results unknown.

You sound like a bright, educated person so I would hope that even at your young age, you have life experience and have been brought up in a situation where you have created a intelligent and well educated "gut".

Your gut told you to pass on this. Ok, it may not always be totally correct, but your gut is usually pretty close to right. Now, what you are feeling is remorse and regret, and laying it on bc. Nah, those feelings are pretty normal, I'd say. You will move on from not only the feelings but from bc, and I do hope sooner for your peace of mind.

The old saying about God opening a window when one is closed, are true, I think. Just because you MAY have missed one, there are a bunch of windows that you will have a chance to hop thru.

Please don't let this experience keep you from seeking out other opportunities for your life and career. This may have just been practice to ease the next big decision in your life.

Best of luck and to a delightful and peaceful New Year.

barbe1958 · January 2011

Laurie, guess what? If you had accepted the position you'd have almost the same post! You'd be panicking about moving away and what would happen if you had a recurrence....and on, and on. So all in all, you're totally normal!

bluesky · January 2011

Hi Laurie,

I can relate to your post, I am 46 and was 42 when DX, I was very slim and have gained over 30 pounds, I'm in the fashion industry and I passed up so many opportunities because I felt over weight and I felt that I would be judged, the fashion industry is so shallow. I recently I had an amazing job offer, which pays really well with an ex boss, who has not seen me in 11 years and I was about to pass on it because of the weight issues, I took the job and I start on January 17th, I'm really nervous to see him and few other people from the past, I was never one to let myself go so I'm sure they will all wonder what happened to me. BC is such a nasty beast, we fight for our lives and then many of us are left with so many other health issues and it is so hard to get past them. I too worry constantly about recurrence. Hang in there you have made the right decision, another great opportunity will come along. Big Hug

Lindissima · January 2011

Hi Laurie,

I just read your post and it struck a chord with me. I once passed up a job opportunity and regretted it for a long time. I finally found out a few years later that the business that had offered me the position went bankrupt. My point is that every decision entails leaps of faith and facing unforseen consequences. I can understand being reluctant to move far away from family and friends. Perhaps this was not the best time for a major move.

Would the new job offer good health benefits or major salary increase? If you do decide to take the job and move away, you could look into finding a good support group for survivors to hook into.

I really can't advise you. I just wanted to say I understand your feelings. Don't be hard on yourself. You have been through a lot and your ambivalence about moving is perfectly understandable. I hope this helps.

Take care. Let us know what you decide.

Laurie09 · January 2011

Thanks everyone for the input.

I felt at the time turning down the job was the decision I had to make because I just couldn't make myself commit to taking the job. I feel like after I took the pressure off myself, my thoughts were clearer and it became much more obvious to me that I really wanted the job.

I keep telling myself I have reasons to feel ambivalent about moving away from my support system. And also that I need to cut myself some slack after everything that has happened. But I feel like in hindsight it might have been a better decision to take the job.

Anonymous · January 2011

Laurie, you've clarified things for yourself. You do want to advance in your career, you would like to be near your current support system, but if that doesn't work, one of your first tasks after moving is to create a new support system in your new location.

Once you're done with the (well earned and well deserved) pity party, take the steps necessary to work on advancing your career. Volunteer for projects, network and get your resume out there. That job may not have been the right one for you (or you would have taken it) but it might just be the catalyst to get you where you need to be.

arby · January 2011

Laurie, there will be more opportunities. You will find an even better challenge up ahead, so sit tight and allow yourself the lesson of choosing vs timing. Bluesky , I hope and pray all goes well for your new adventure. SInce you know the industry, just dress in things that flatter your new YOU. And if you're comfortable with it, be the first to acknowlege your style change. Breast cancer is a reality and you'll probably be admired for pushing thru it. The side effects of treatment is weight gain, at least for a while. No need being scared or badgering yourself for that chemo or drug related outcome. Stand tall and take the new office scene with a radiant smile and a "can do" attidtude.

WIsh I could be your cheerleader on the first day! arby

bluesky · January 2011

Arby-You are so sweet! Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement, I've been talking to many friends and family members and day by day I am feeling more confident about my first day at the new job. I will remember your words. God Bless You. Hugs

Regretting lost opportunity...

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