Stage III versus lower

Shortly after I joined in, some dimwit who was stage 0 or 1 posted on the stage 4 forum that "cancer is a blessing." Not for any of us, thank you so much. I can only speak for myself, but I don't really mind anyone posting on the stage 4 thread as long as they are respectful of our difficult situation, and are not just using our more serious diagnoses to make themselves feel better. 

Sandy 

I also hate when people post that they "wish for a cure" when the rest of us are on a death vigil praying that the poor woman dies with grace..... Keep your untimely comments to yourself!!!!! I've been on here long enough to have lost some of my cyber friends. I still cry each and every time. The first one, Toyful, I woke my DH up to tell him and he thought I was talking about one of the kids dying as I was crying too hard to be clear.

And yes, we lost Riverinerabbit, an extremely gifted artist and mother who started off with DCIS stage 0....

Can I join the group hug??  Hope I'm not too late.

And thank you Dr. Avocado for the great advice!  So simple a solution!

Bec9861:  I have a great idea how to stop all this "my club, your club" stuff.  Just don't post your diagnosis and then you can post whatever you want, wherever you want and no one can get their nose stuck to the ice on the walls.  "I" am a human being and refuse to be know by whatever my diagnosis is.  I also respond to posts I need help from and share my feelings when necessary without ever being concerned about being on the wrong "Stage".   There are great people on ALL the threads I have posted to since joining.  As far as the rules go, all I know is that we are not supposed to be obscene or purposely post things to hurt another poster.  I cannot believe you are the type to do either of these.  Some people are very delicate and going to be offended if we say we prefer cats to dogs, if you get my drift.  This is probably due to the fact that they are trying to cope with their own problems and nothing we post will make them feel better.

If you have found another thread you truly feel more accepted in, then do what is best for yourself.  I just dislike the fact that anyone finds any thread unacceptable to them.  Personally, although I have posted many times to the Stage IV threads, I will honor their request. Other than Stage IV, I feel all threads should be accessible to anyone.  Just my opinion.

I want to support AgentMo's feelings.  They are valid, no matter what we all decide about who should be where on these boards.  I don't think it's fair as a Stage 1 patient to suggest how those in Stage 3 or 4 conduct themselves, or the forums they wish to keep on point for their situation.

Yes, stage is antiquated, and inaccurate.  The oncotype is trumping grade and stage. But it's not fair to suggest we are all in the same boat entirely.  The statistics are clear, and suggesting we are all the same is akin to the people we moan about who reply "Well, I could get hit by a bus" when we tell them about our BC fears.

The worst thing that has happened to you is the worse that has happened to you. 

That is how I get through every day in an occupation where I listen to complain about relatively minor ailments like they are life-ending.  I think that applies somewhat here as well.  Clearly we are not all in the same boat, but that's ok.  I don't wish my boat on anyone just as I feel lucky not to be in someone else's boat sometimes.  That's life.  It's not fair.  Even within the stage IV forum we are all in different places and stages of treatment successes and failures.  I still want to support someone who is worse off than me or better off than me.  I do, however, still get jealous when I see an elderly person walking down the street as they have lived a long life and were likely afforded the opportunity to see their children go to school, get married, have babies of their own.  I won't get to do all those things.  Like I said life is not fair, but I still love my life!

Just my two cents.  That being said I would puke if I saw a "cancer is a blessing" post in any forum, especially the stage IV forum.  Sometimes people just need to exercsie some common sense!

Hugs,

Lori

I had a very, very rare breast cancer - Papillary Carcinoma. So rare that my surgeon brought pages he found on the internet to the 'green room' before my surgery to show me. Less than 2% of all breast cancers. I've only met 2 other women of the 55,000+ on these threads who has the same one. I was told when I first posted that papillomas weren't cancer. Well they aren't. But Papilliary (carcinoma) is.

Paula, so funny. Call me Maria Calamari MD. I was giggling for a while as I was registering BUT then I realized THIS is why they want medical professionals doing it. I was just mucking around with my stats and couldn't figure out the questions..and yep the mortality % went up , up , up. I think it's time for me to turn off the computer now.

Roberto Avacado MD and Maria Calamari MD was so funny. Thanks for making me laugh. But adjuvantonline.com is one site I'd never visit, too freaky for words. I don't want to be reminded of how bad my dx is and how long I may have left to live - which is why I also refuse to post a dx bio (It has nothing to do with "openess" or lack of it). Stage III covers quite a spectrum, and I have yet to come across anyone, like me, whose tumor size, stage, grade and nodes is right at the far end of the scale. If I did, we'd probably have nothing else in common (such as sense of humor).

I think the main thing we share here is simmering anger at being dx so late when we did everything possible to get them to take our concerns seriously.

Hugs to all!

Stages are for the Oncologist to evaluate your treatment.

Dont forget........Cancer does not know which stage it is, and has a behavior on its own.

Hey Chevy -- I'll pull up my rocker right beside yours because I'm another "older" woman with BC and I'm SOOO happy to be alive.  I didn't feel like part of the Older Women thread either, and have moved on as well.  Love your post and couldn't possibly have said it better!

When I was Dx'd, after years of regular mammos and doing everything right, the BS told me I had 2 separate tumors that were each about 2 cm., so I went into surgery scared out of my mind because I was losing a breast, had stage 2 BC and would need chemo and an AI.  The next morning I learned that my 2 tumors were actually joined together and over 5 cm. and that there was one positive node, so rads might be added to my regimen.  When I finally saw the onc and he explained the path report, I had already read enough to know he was going to say stage 3, but what he actually said was that, although it was classified as stage 3A, my cancer was a slow grower and he wanted me to have all the treatments offered, but that the AI would help me the most.  He always talks 5, 10 years down the road and has never given me any reason to be too gloomy (I can conjur up the gloom all by myself!), so I have done my best to discount the staging and live my life as well as I am able.  I've had a number of fairly serious health and personal problems in the past 4-5 years and the cancer dx nearly did me in emotionally, but the human spirit is amazing and I'm still "kickin".  All of this rambling is to make the point that all of us have a different story and we all have (or have had, depending on your point of view) breast cancer.  To me, it seems that maybe it is a good thing that we can talk about our differences and even disagree, as long as we are civil and respectful.  It keeps life interesting. 

mhp70:  Onco type may have "trumped" stage & grade, but onco scores mean zippo when it comes to already having positive nodes.  I was scored 11 before surgery but after surgery had both Grade 1 & 3 and over 6 cm tumor with pos nodes. So very possibly the onco would be much different. 

Good points, LM216 and and Shelly56.  What they need is the equivalent of Oncotype for ALL diagnoses.  I was privileged to have the Oncotype available as a node-neg patient, however, I'd like to note they are using Oncotype diagnostics for 1 - 3 positive nodes in some situations.

My point is that genetic assessment is showing that stage and grade aren't always right.  Oncotype made what looked like a grim situation in my case (grade 3), and offered me a better prognosis.  They don't have the tests yet, but someday, I do believe there will be some shifts.  That'll be good and bad news for Stage 1 - 4, depending on the deeper level of knowledge they acquire.

And more important, I simply wanted to say that AgentMo has valid feelings that should be respected, and I thought it was important a Stage 1 person say so.  Frankly, I was surprised more people weren't compassionate.  Heck, I deal every day with anger at friends who don't respect how serious my lot is thanks to Pink October's cute-a-thon.  This is scary stuff.

InTwoPlaces they usually don't do an oncotype for HER2+ (unless stage 0) because Herceptin is usually given with chemo. I had no nodes but because of HER2+ I didn't have an onc type done. I too had a very high number regarding HER2+. It was 15!

Oncotype testing is done ASSUMING that you will be taking Tamoxifen for five years. No point having it done if you have no intention of taking Tamoxifen, or, don't qualify for Tamoxifen.

Also, I don't know how you can get an oncotype score before surgery as someone mentioned a couple posts ago? I thought they tested the biopsy sample?