Stage III versus lower

I'm in for the group hug too. We're all in this together regardless of stage!

Mal

AgentMo, I get what you're saying, and I'm stage 1.  I also get what everyone else says about we're all here in the same boat regardless of our stage.  Here's my opinion on what happens a lot (and I know because I've been guilty of it):  It's because of the way this site presents its active topics.  When you click on the active topics, it gives you a list of threads.  You scroll down, see one that catches your interest, click on it, and usually don't even notice what stage or forum it was posted in.  Once you've clicked into it, unless you scroll up to the very top or down to the very bottom, it doesn't say what forum it is.  Sometimes I notice the signatures of the ones who have posted, and usually, if I notice it's not for me, I just lurk and then leave, but I'm sure lots of us get caught up in what we are reading and forget to look at the forum.  Breast Cancer is a personal and emotional thing.  I think lots of times we just get caught up in our emotions and what we are reading, and because of that, are a little too anxious to put in our 2 cents worth before we even notice that it's not aimed at "us."

That said, I also think aggressiveness plays in to our prognosis as well.  Someone with HER2+ or Triple Neg stage 1 is in a completely different boat than someone with a nonagressive cancer. (I'm not saying that it exactly equals a stage 3 diagnosis, thoughh)  But I do think that's why a lot of us with these kinds of aggressive cancers (but stage 1 or 2) are still on this site so much--we're scared to death that it's going to come back-- Just like those with nodal involvement.  We are told that even though we are "just" stage 1, we are in a high risk group for recurrence--whether it's because of LVI or young age or just the aggressive behavior of our cancer.  Does that mean that we are more likely to be one of the unlucky ones that do not get to be in the 90% safe side?  That's the way I interpret it.  So. . . I question constantly whether or not I'm cured.  Does that make me stage 3?  No, but I think I'm just as scared as you are.

I think the topic really does matter.

If there is a stage three thread about say"Zometa side effects" or "How cancer impacts my marriage" I would probably be inclined to post because I might have something helpful or interesting to contribute. I might not even stop to think about the fact that it is on a 3 topic.

If the thread is "Coping with being Stage 3", I would probably stay away.

I do understand how you feel. I was very suprised to be a 2, I am a little jealous of anyone with clear nodes.

On the other hand open internet forums tend to bring in a mix of people, it's tough to get only just the "right" posters.

Peace, Love, and Cookies

Alpal -- you said it perfectly. 

We aren't all quite in the same boat.  For example, when you're Stage IV you know you're toast and on treatment indefinitely. I'd love to hop into someone else's BC boat...

Sorry for the intrusion.

No need to apologize Bonnie! I hope I wasn't rude.  I think all our boats suck and are scary, they're just a bit different from each other.

Yes, I do agree stage 4 is a very tough boat to be in. The last thing I would want to do is add my two cents to their thread. I would not post in it, unless to show my support for someone who is going through a really hard time.

Weety- According to adjuvantonline.com, your 10-year mortality risk is 1.6% and mine is 30.5%. I understand that we are all scared, but I do think there is a difference. It sure felt like it when I went in to get the results of my pathology report scared to death that I would have micromets in one node and instead finding out that I had all of 9 positive nodes..... But then again, compared to a stage IV diagnosis I feel very lucky. Everything is relative, but there are differences.

Barb

Im glad for this thread because I feel I am, or have been, very near a "stage boundary" and like several other posters have looked beyond my small corner to find more. And i freely admit i have only read the first and last pages of the thread before responding, my bad. Blame a rubbish i'net connexion for that. Originally staged 2a around the time of surgery, I have since found that a node which was described as clear, had in fact had bad stuff in it before the neo-adjuvant tamoxifen did its work, and also that the clearance at the chest wall deep margin was virtually zilch. So from TNM300=stage 2b, a single bad node takes me to TNM310 = stage 3a at time of diganosis, and a close shave on the chest wall takes me almost to TNM400=stage 3b, or TNM410 if you add the node back in. Put that back into cancermath and the five years survival drops from 74% to 49% which kinda scared me?! Now, while I totally agree that stats are what happens to other people, I'm asking how much these stages really matter, or am I just kidding myself that they don't and i'll be ok? I'm in a minority speciality bc cancer that's not easy to find good facts about, and also just under an age boundary (ha, but not for long!) those two together put me in a group of only about 70 each year in my whole country, so will trawl for info on any forum that seems relevant. I feel isolated enough already without divisions here, I really value the group support here and all the information we can share, I will join the group hug

I have stage 3b and what I am looking for information on anyone who has been diagnosed with BRCA gene.  I would like to know how there surgery went or if the did have preventative surgery.

 Just finished herceptin and thought great now I can have my life back but I have been given this news and not sure what I want to do.

 Thank you.

Oh Thank you. Barbe 

Do you have the gene and if you do can you tell me how your reaction was.

Take Care

In Two Places, Sorry, no offence meant. Truly.

So many have additional risk factors like grade 3, IBC,  Her2+.  There's no real way to separate us into clear groups so I suppose we just have to make do with rough guides.  It seems you would like it to be acknowledged that you have additional risks that put you in a similar risk to stage III.  I know I don't want any of us to be in any of these groups.  I just want us all to be well and worry free. 

Since this discussion comes up from time to time it's obvious that some of us stage III ladies do want to be separate and it worries me that their wishes are being denied or ignored.  I don't know what the solution is but I would love it to be settled amicably.  Maybe we could have a forum for those who feel they are at extra risk whatever the reason. We all need and deserve support and I wish only the best for all, no matter what their stage, grade, risk etc is.

Peace and love to all.

I've been trying to really keep up with this thread because I really do get what AgentMo is saying.  I get it because I'm stage III.  I know how it feels.  That's why I come to this forum for support. Like ElaineD said, we are Not all in the same boat when it comes to dealing and feelings about this disease.  I remember when I first came to the StageIII group, I began a thread about Mammos and my feelings about my yearly mammos not picking up my stage III cancer, and my frustration and anger about it.  There were many responses, and one of them was from a stage   0 gal who made some comments that were insensitive and lacked understanding, yet she felt she was in the same boat as we were.. She was not, she had no clue, and somewhere along the line she left the thread abruiptly.  My feeling was, don't come here at stage 0 and tell me not to feel the way I do at stage III on my stage III forum.  So I get it AgentMo.. You are here for support as someone who is fairly new to this forum, as I've noticed you have not been posting very long.  So I say welcome to Stage III and I get it!!

Barb

Count me in on the group hug.   

Is there as way to get into adjuvantonline.com if you aren't a health professional?

Paula -- that's really funny.  Guess I'll have to go back with a name and title in mind.....