My mom

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LisaLisa627
LisaLisa627 Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care

I am new to this site and am posting about my mom.  she was dx with Stage IV July 09 and it has now spread everywhere it could possibly go.  The doctor has ended chemo and my mom is currently in hospital and too weak to walk.  Her oncologist thinks she only has a couple of weeks left (well that is what he told my one sister was 2 days to 2 weeks), so i have been making plans to go and see her.  She is getting transferred to a hospice care center anyday.  My mom is questioning why i am coming down and assures me she is not dying!  She is sooooo strong and it is so tough to watch what cancer does.  my one sister originally said come right away and then said I don't know I don't think it is anytime soon.  Well, i already booked my flight and i do not have much time off so i have to just believe I am doing the right thing and at least spending time with her while she knows we are there.  She has mets to bone, liver, brain and lungs.  her oncologist said it is the cancer making her too weak to walk and she has edema and some o2 issues.  I guess one can never know what god has planned, but can anyone tell me their experience?  Thanks!

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2010

    Lisa, I think it's great that you are going to visit your Mom while she is still in "good shape" and able to talk to you. You will not regret the visit no matter which way it goes. She may seem confused or in denial about how bad she is, but she also may feel strong and not believe the end is near. Let me tell you my Mom story;

    My Mom had been hospitalized 3,000 miles away from me and my younger brother. My older brother told us not to come out as it seemed it would be okay. Then, he called us to come REALLY fast!! While we were waiting at the airport for a flight (Friday of a long weekend with fog delays) she began slipping into a coma. I almost melted on the spot with grief. We finally got to the hospital after a 4 hour flight and as I walked into her room she opened her eyes, started to smile and then I saw the fear in her eyes as she realized why I must be there. I told her not to be afraid....she slipped into a permanent coma within minutes of my brother and I entering her room.

    You will want to be with your Mom no matter what she says. Go. And Godspeed. Please know we are here to help you through this. Palliative is a very graceful place to be at this time. Oddly enough, my Mom had worked as a volunteer for 8 1/2 years in the very Palliative ward she died in.....

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  • LisaLisa627
    LisaLisa627 Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2010

    Thank you so very much!  I sat in tears reading what you wrote me and really it was just what I needed to read to know i have made the right decision!  Again thank you, your post has given me peace....  Bless you!

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited December 2010

    Lisa, just my two cents. My father had had a stroke a year for two years. After the second one, he was over it and wanted to go into hospice. They kicked him out because he was recovering. That lasted a year then he had the final one. After that hospice came in and I visited him every day for 2 weeks several times a day (he was at home). He knew I was there even when he couldn't respond. It is so important for you and your Mom for you to be there and hold her hand and remember, she can hear/feel you even when she seems to be asleep. Just tell her you love her.

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  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited December 2010

    Lisa, my mom died of BC that metasticized to her lung, brain and colon.  During her final week in the hospital, she got weaker and weaker and finally slipped into a coma.  Just before the coma, she was asking for Susan, my daughter, who was on her way home from college.  Susan made it to the hospital in time to hold her hand and tell her she loved her.  She died peacfully a few hours later with her loved ones around her.  I know she waited for her only grandchild to come to her.  Go, be with your mom, hold her hand, follow her lead in how the conversation goes.  Tell her how much she means to you  Karen

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  • AsiaYM
    AsiaYM Member Posts: 2,216
    edited December 2010

    Please go asap.  My dad was in NY and got sick all of sudden, I tried to book second day flight out but was not sucessfull, did book the third day flight.  My dad passed away on the third day when I was traveling.  I did not get to say " I love you" the final time. I cried and cried.....

    Hugs,

    Asia

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  • lrr4993
    lrr4993 Member Posts: 937
    edited December 2010

    I agree with the others - go now.  My sister and I waited a day when my grandmother was dying (we knew from kidney function that she only had a few days left) to wrap up a few things at our jobs because we knew we would be gone for at least a week with the funeral.  She died quicker than expected and about an hour before we were set to leave on our way to her house.  I hate that we were not there and reading these posts has me in tears thinking how much she probably wanted us there.  If you make a trip unnecessarily you will regret it only for a few days.  If you don't go and she passes away, you will regret it forever.

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