How do you turn bad days around?

Arayasunshine69 · December 2010

Having a bad few days. Feeling sad, and angry, not very optimistic. I've been crying all day.

Where do you find joy in your day, when you feel discouraged?

1Badboob · December 2010

You keep moving forward. My oncoligist said it best, she too has dealt with cancer. Try to live life as if you never had it but never forget what youve learned from it. Life is more precious than ever now, its unfortunate we have to be a part of this club but we are still here, we are still alive. I'm making sure I accomplish more than just existing. ((((Sending you a warm hug))))))) The holidays make it even harder but remember your here,you're alive and you are loved.

Bugs · December 2010

If I'm having a bad "bc emotions" day, I will try to examine why I'm feeling that way and run scenerios in my head. I take all those scary things out of the "dark box" and look at them. Sometimes, just bringing them out in the open helps. But..I don't keep them out of the box. I try to shove them back in that dark box. I hate giving breast cancer any more power than it had over me. So when the fear hits (and it does for everybody), I try not to let it take to much space in my head.

Sometimes we can let the fear get so big that we forget that there is an awesome life out there. If it starts consuming you, see somebody. You are fairly newly diagnosed, so what you are going through is completely normal. It DOES get easier!!

barbe1958 · December 2010

Firstly, you have to allow yourself to feel the pain you are feeling. You are allowed to! You have the right to grieve and the right to rant and rave. A shower (in the bathroom, not in the livingroom with presents Wink ) is a very safe haven to cry and weep. Or in the car. You have to get the pain out to be able to heal, so do some visualizations as you cry and breathe out the toxic pain.

Secondly, if that doesn't help or you find yourself crying the shower every day, get some medical help to allow you to function day-to-day. The chemical assistance is out there, and this is a bad time of year. Every seems cheery and hopeful and we just don't feel that way. That's okay.

Please know you are normal! I'm two years out and still occasionally plan my funeral around certain songs I hear on the radio!!

diana50 · December 2010

(((((hugs))))) some days are just bad days..for lots of reasons; not always because of cancer.

i talk to God...i pray....i get outside and take a walk; i write down things i am grateful for. i know that a bad day.....eventually will turn around and i will have a better day. some of this stuff is from all the drugs...and the physical things we all have been through..it affects our emotional state. not only do we deal with just the issues of every day life; now we dieal with cancer.

it does and will get better. if you feel like you are falling into a depression, talk to your doc about this. take care of yourself......hang in there

diana

clariceak · December 2010

Sorry you're feeling sad. It sometimes comes out of nowhere and hits hard! I've found the best therapy is posting on this thread. There is nothing like having a supportive group who really understands what you are feeling.

My best way out of a funk is to exercise outdoors. As my onc likes to say, "exercise changes your physiology" and being outside is tonic for the soul. Wow, it must be Christmas Eve. I feel like I can't write without platitiudes and cliches. And if that doesn't work I'll pop an anti-anxiety pill.

I see you are in Canada. We're also dealing with the loss of daylight along with post traumatic stress disorder, plus holiday stress. It's a lot for anyone to handle. Sending hugs your way.

barbe1958 · December 2010

There is a saying:

Whether good or bad, things will change.

SpunkyGirl · December 2010

I live by Bugs' observations. I firmly believe in taking all the stuff out of the dark box from time to to time, examining it, and then shoving it away again for a while. We all go through what you are going through, Kellie, and I derive a lot of strength through the friends I have on this board. We are a tough bunch.

My DH was diagnosed with brain cancer 7.5 years ago, and the cancer monster hit us both in 2006 (when he recurred). I'm guessing that too many people wouldn't have expected us both to be here today to celebrate another Christmas. Woo Hoo! I can honestly say that my best days are when I live, laugh and love despite the obstacles and the fear that crops up.

Take it one day at a time.....

Survivorwoman · December 2010

barbe1958 : Thank you for saying "do some visualizations as you cry and breathe out the toxic pain". I will try it next time.

I myself have been crying all day. We exchanged gifts with DH and I felt numb the whole time. Nothing makes me happy right now. I am also undergoing chemo (had 3 already and have another 3 to go). I read somewhere that chemo blocks serotonin. No wonder I am weeping and screaming and ranting, often cannot stop. Anyone had similar experience while doing chemo?

Bugs · December 2010

Katiaw,

Are you on decadron (dexamethazone)? That can wreak havok on your emotions. Even if you are not on that, chemo can have the same side effects. Talk to your doc..there is no reason to suffer. See if you can get some meds to help you through this. {{big hugs}}

gutsy · December 2010

Katiaw, yes I was crying a lot during the time I had chemo. I just finished 10 days ago. I felt so sick for at least 5 days after the infusion. I also found that I had a hard time staying hopefull and somewhat positive. I cried so much. I would go for walks and just cry and cry. It is getting better now. I don't feel like crying over everything anymore and I am actually starting to enjoy things again. I think part of the reason was that my sleep was so poor. I would wake up every hour on the hour.

allalone · December 2010

Arayasunshine69 : the nickname you chose may provide the solution. A lot of us were very low on Vit D3 - the sunshine vitamin - when diagnosed, and although I don't know the biochemistry behind it all but I went from misery to happiness after a few weeks on high dose Vit D3 therapy (which I prescribed for myself after reading about its magic from the wonderful ladies on these boards). Getting enough exercise and sleep is also very important. Hope you pick up soon and find some joy in life.

Arayasunshine69 · December 2010

Thanks for your tips...I know I feel better when I exercise. I lost 130 lbs several years ago, and kept it off until I got pregnant with my daughter, in 2009. When she was 9 months old, I thought I found a clogged milk duct. I ate very healthy, and exercise was my drug. I was very active and fit, and now....sometimes I wonder how did I get here??? To where some days, I have no energy, and just feel sad all the time?? At the beginning of my journey, I was very optismistic, very positive, and then I had my surgery, and when I woke up, found out that it was in my lymphnodes, and they took 14, 5 were cancerous. Then the Chemo, and they always bruise my arms because they can never get an IV in the first time, and now radiation. I feel tired all the time. I do have good days, days where, I don't think about cancer, and laugh with my family and friends. Days where I take my now 16 month old daughter out, and enjoy every minute. I miss how healthy, energetic and full of life, I once felt daily. I have 5 radiation treatments left, and eventhough the days are short and cold up here in Edmonton, I do try to exercise everyday. Today I done some Wii, and realized how bad of shape I'm in right now. I feel so broken. And unfortunately, I know that there are many of you who can relate to how I feel. Thank You so much for all your support, I really apprecaite it.

Survivorwoman · December 2010

Thank you so much for your support Bugs and Gutsy. I am currently not on any drugs other than chemo itself. Though, before I am hooked up to Taxotere and Carboplatin I get another bag of fluids, I just don't the name of it. And of course after chemo for 7days I give Neupogen shots to myself. I tried to take antidepressants (Lexapro) but I was unable to sleep and cried even more, so I stopped and was going to ask for another type in January when I see my psychiatrist.

I think it is a combination of things that get me. Although, I have a husband here in the US I am essentially alone. No kids. My mom and my aunt are in another country too old to travel to visit me. My husband's family is in another state far from us. I have some friends but they are all away for the holidays. So, I am trying very hard to stay strong and stay positive. It is very hard at the moment. Sadly, my dad died of cancer when he was 47 ( I am 42) and also I had a friend in the old country who did not make it either (breast cancer) and I am terrified of that possibility, though, I know we are all different in our molecules. Still...

Anyway, I just wanted to hear from you ladies that it can and will get better at some point and that maybe one day laughter might return into my life. Thank you for listening and giving me love and care right now. You are my family. And I love you all for helping me right now.

AnacortesGirl · December 2010

It will get better! Even my onc told me to take it one day at a time. I already knew it but hearing it from him helped. His real message was don't expect too much too soon. Keep plugging away and when the treatments are done your body will have time to heal. As the body heals it helps the mind to heal also. Most of your brain is there for all those bodily functions and activities. The poor thing is working overtime trying to react to the insults being thrown at it from the chemo and rads. It is amazing how we can come back out of these depths and be ourselves once again.

Don't forget to monitor your red blood cells. Normally, one of the first symptoms of anemia is unstable emotions. Fatigue is usually second. I found it helpful to get copies of my blood counts so I could know where I was at and give myself some slack if the RBCs were low. Chemo hit my counts hard so in addition to the daily neupogen I also had to have multiple transfusions. It has been a slow recovery for my bone marrow but it's finally there and so am I.

I have become a believer in anti-depressant. Tried Lexapro and Wellbrutin. The onc and I settled on Paxil and it has really helped carry me through this. Some day I'll stop taking it but for now that thought is still too scary. Being normal is still too new -- I need more time.

jenn3 · December 2010

Some days are just bad days..........the steroids from the chemo treatments cause bad days, dreary weather is always a downer and worse if your feeling down and sometimes just hearing or watching something related to what you're going through can trigger your emotions. When those bad days happen and you recognize it, take a walk outdoors, watch a silly movie, call a friend, log onto youtube and watch a funny video - something to get your mind out of the funk. If all else fails - chocolate always helps!

arayofsunshine and katilaw - be easy on yourself - it is okay to have bad days, especially in the midst of treatment, your body is stuggling physically and emotionally. I stayed home during treatment and in order to help me with my bad days I made sure that I woke up every day, took a walk, came home showered and got dressed (in comfy clothes). Just that act of moving and routine helps give you something to look forward to everyday. (((hugs))) I hope that you're feeling better by the time you read this.

Running_Violet · December 2010

Hi Kellie,

I remember the first year of my diagnosis...there were so many days when all I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and hide beneath the covers. And you know what? I did. I gave myself the three day rule. I allowed myself to wallow in whatever negative emotions I was feeling but promised myself that after three days I would get dressed and leave the house--No. Matter. What.

Usually, when I left, it was to go for a run (I'm a runner but if not, then I would suggest a walk). For this it helped to then start what I call the 15 minute rule. This meant that I had to run (walk) for at least 15 minutes, thinking that if at the end of 15 minutes, if I wanted to quit, that would be A-Ok. Of course, 15 minutes was enough to get me into the groove and keep going!

So, now that I am in year two, I do two things when those days occasionally hit (and they are infrequent, thank goodness!). The first is to immediately start naming the things for which I am grateful. At least for me, gratitude is a powerful antidote to grief.

The second is to think of a few things to immediately make my day more pleasurable--lighting a candle on my desk at work, grabbing a fancy coffee from Starbucks, or downloading some new music...you get the drift....nothing terribly expensive, but things that still add a little extra joy to my day. Both this and the gratitude list really are doing the same thing: bringing me back into the moment, living entirely in the "present".

And of course, for the extremely bad days, which are truly very far and few in between, well, ok I admit it...a couple of margaritas or glasses of wine with a good friend always help. Cancer be damned!

barbe1958 · December 2010

Running Violet, I LOVE your "minute" rules!!! Like, I've heard you can't cry for more than 20 minutes. It's physically impossible. So if you actually allowed yourself to cry for 20 minutes, you'd be done anyway. It's holding it in that drags it on.....

I wish I could run, I have very bad arthritis but sometimes a lot of energy to burn. Cleaning the house is good, but I become crippled in about 1/2 hour. So I do it really fast!!

janette1958 · December 2010

I hope you are feeling better. I agree with barbe1958, as we have to let ourselves greive for we have lost a piece of ourselves but we cannot let it lose all of ourself.

Take Care and Have a great New Year.

R_healing · December 2010

I am so glad to have found this thread! I am in week two of my first really bad "black hole" experience. My last round of chemo (#6 of 8) hit me hard, followed by a bad cold, needing to go out on disability (which I didn't want to do) and the holiday blues. I had been pretty good up until this point but having a really hard time climbing out of the hole to a place of feeling better (physcially and emotionally). Called my onc this morning after another emotional melt down to ask for antidepressants or something to help. Not an easy thing for me to do but after I called I felt better just asking for the help. And then I found all your wonderful words of wisdom - thank you all!

clariceak · December 2010

R_healing - you're wise to seek help when it's needed. I suppose you're on steroids as well which are notorious for wreaking havoc with your emotions. I think of my occasional use of anti-anxiety meds as a helping hand out of the hole, before it gets too deep.

faithfulheart · January 2011

Hi kellie,

I hope your bad day passed and you are feeling some joy now. I just started posting, although I

did read the boards through my 14 months of treatment, and it helped. It truley has been the most uplifting experience talking with the amazing women on this stage 3 board. When my days are bad and they can get bad, I pray for peace, the peace that passes all understanding.

The peace comes most when I surrender fully .This is just not in my control. I

look at my kids, pick myself up , dust myself off, and start all over again! That sounded so

cheesy I know, but theres truth to it. We get down, but we dont stay there!

Talk, get it out, then you don't have to carry it around anymore.

God bless you! God bless us all!! He has, were all here!!!!

Faithfulheart

How do you turn bad days around?

Comments

Categories