First Christmas Without Mom

Options
devoutpower
devoutpower Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi all,

 My name is Kevin Anthony Friedman and I am 21 years of age.  I lost my mom to breast cancer this October 12, 2010.  She fought it for a little over 2 years straight with full coverage (health insurance) and still didn't win.  My dad is not really a part of my life, and I currently live with one of my mom's friends (they've been friends for 27 years).

As soon as my mother passed, I had to pack up my house and move out.  On top of that, I had to withdraw from my courses at Texas A&M for the fall semester 2010 to come home and manage things, along with watch my mother pass.

I feel a little uneasy this Christmas.  I have been sober for 39 days now (no drinking/drugs), and almost drank last night on two occasions (Dec. 24).  I can only say I miss her.  I am an only child.

 Just wanted to say a little bit about my story, any advice/inspiration would be appreciated.  Will be up this Christmas morning watching movies on netflix (can't sleep).

- Kevin

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • lauri
    lauri Member Posts: 267
    edited December 2010

    Kevin -- my heart goes out to you for your loss of your mother.  Please know that first anythings are hard -- first Christmas, first birthday, first Mother's Day, first anniversary of a death.   (I lost my husband when I was 31 and my mother five years later to breast cancer; the first year of each loss was the worst.)

    Can you talk to your mother's friend about how much you both miss her at Christmas ?  Sometimes just talking about it takes a little of the pain away.  Talking to a professional (psychologist / grief counselor) can also be useful.  If you're going back to school for the next semester, take advantage of the psychologists in the counseling center or student health center -- I was in graduate school when my husband died, and the student health center provided short-term counseling that got me through a lot. 

    So long as we live, they too will live.  As we remember them.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Karen09
    Karen09 Member Posts: 320
    edited December 2010

    Kevin, I'm so sorry!  This time of year is so hard for some people.  I lost my mom to uterine cancer 2 1/2 years ago (and then was diagnosed with breast cancer myself a year and a half ago).  I was 30 when my mom passed - but you are so young!  I know it hurts to be without your mom especially on the holidays - it does get easier with time though.  It still hurts for me and I miss my mom every day but with time it has gotten a bit easier.  Hang in there.  Lean on friends and supports.  Hugs!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Maureen813
    Maureen813 Member Posts: 2,893
    edited December 2010

     Kevin,  My heart goes out to the loss of your mom.  I keep a journal to help me cope.  It's hard to hear but you will move forward with your grief.  You need to talk to someone, your mom's friend?  Do you belong to AA?  Keeping your grief inside is difficult and makes it hard to move forward. I write down everything I feel.  Prayers to you for this Xmas,  keep moving forward with your education, you'll be glad you did.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited December 2010

    Kevin, I feel your pain and sense of loss.  The first of everything is always the hardest, I know, as I lost my only son at age twenty three.  That was eleven years ago and although the pain of his loss is gone, I still miss him when the rest of my family gathers.  It has become a tradition that we light a candle so he is always remembered and included.  Your feelings are part and parcel of the grieving process but you do need to express yourself either to your Mum's friend or a councelor as grief is very hard to deal with on your own.  I am very pleased that you are sober as drinking and drugs only mask a hurt or problem, they don't cure it in fact, they can and do create a much larger problem.  Always remember, your Mum will never be truly gone while you remember and speak her name.

    Peace, strength, love n hugs.  Chrissyb 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • motherofpatient
    motherofpatient Member Posts: 240
    edited December 2010

    Honey, I am so sorry you lost your mother. I lost mine to lung cancer in March 2005. Still hurts but it does help to be involved in rasising money and awareness of the small cell lung cancer that took her, the rarer and less studied of the two main lung cancers.

     Now my daughter has breast cancer and starts chemo in Jan. 

    You hang in there. Get good counseling; as a retired counselor, I strongly recommend you find someone who has experienced cancer in a first degree relative. All the classes and seminars in the world cannot make up for real life experience in this area. Others can offer sympathy but only someone who has walked in your shoes can offer empathy.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • carcharm
    carcharm Member Posts: 486
    edited December 2010

    Kevin,

    I think God has great plans for you. To have such tragedy happen at such a young age signifies that he knows you are strong within and capable of great things. However, you make the choice. Just as you chose not to consume alchohol even though you really wanted to something inside told you that you knew it was not the right thing to do. Find your passion and pursue it. Keep a picture of your mom out or near your heart and when you feel weak take it out and pray and remember her and how strong she was and how you offer up your own struggle with alcohol to her as a prayer to her. She can no longer receive physical gifts but sobriety offered in her honor is something I think she in heaven can appreciate. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. Go help someone... even just one person... today who is needy. Serve at a soup kitchen... give a dollar to a bum... whatever... to validate that you are needed here on earth to keep love alive. You are special and needed and I am here to tell you that. Peace, love, and happiness in your time of need.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited December 2010

    Dear Kevin,  I am so sorry for your loss of your mom.  This first Christmas without her is truely the hardest, since every first holiday, first mother's day ... is difficult.  You offered up your sobriety yesterday to your mom.  Try to visit today [in person,  email, over the telephone] with those who loved her.  She is always with you in your heart and in others who loved her.  Clean and sober, she must have been so proud of you.  Keep posting - you can talk to your new cyber friends anytime you need us.  Hugs to you, Karen

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • devoutpower
    devoutpower Member Posts: 2
    edited December 2010

    Thanks for all the messages.  I spent Christmas at 3 places today, one of which was some family.  It was a good day.  I kept my mother in mind.  Life feels so surreal now and days.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited December 2010

    Sending you prayers and hugs--keep it up sweetie, I know your mom is proud of you! xo

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited December 2010

    you sure did have a good day, it will feel surreal  for quite some time.   That is very normal, I remember thinking how was the world going on as if things were normal, when my dad died.  And I was just a spectator, watching the world.  Now each time I think of him, it brings a special warmth to my heart.  As time goes by, it gets better, less pain and more good memories.  I just passed his oversized coffee mug [it's actually a firefighter's beer stein] on to my grandson and a new memory was born.  Karen

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories