Starting chemo January 2009?

Can I just say that the re-excision of the mole on my back was far more painful than the excisional biopsy?? Oh my heavens...... I feel like the walking wounded with a clipped wing and a stiff back.

I did ask to see what they took--I am pretty sure they took more out than they did in my original lumpectomy... but the derm. wanted wide margins because there had been atypical cells.  I have 8 stitches in my upper back and it is going to be some scar..... ouch.......

nothing from the BS, but we are expecting benign since she said it about 10 times after the surgery--and she does not speak lightly-I will likely have the mole results first.....

Hi all,

it was benign--just scar tissue... still waiting on pathology from mole removal but expecting good things there as well....

thanks!

I think it must be a good sign that I had to go to the 3rd page to find the thread.  We are obvious thinking about other things.  No real reason for my post.  Just wanted to check in.  I am busy busy busy at work and at home trying to sell old toys on and gear on craigs list to clear room and make a little money.  Also gave some stuff to charity and gave away a toy to a friend today.  Makes me sad to be getting rid of all this stuff though.  A phase of my life is over forever, and if if the present one is wonderful and there are good ones to come, I grieve a bit for what is no more.  I have to hope to be around long enough to play with grandkids.  This was an issue even pre cancer since I was nearly 40 when I had my son.  If he waits till my age to have kids I need to be healthly enough at 80 to help care for an infant and at 85 to play with a 5 yr old.  Thats asking alot but I can hope.

I'm struggling with the issue of quitting work right now.  They were patient at first, but, really need me at 100% productivity and trying to do it is torture.  My feet hurt from the neuropathy and my shoulder and chest muscles are so spasmed I have a hard time using that arm, which makes the LE worse.  The PT asked if I couldn't stop any physicial activity at work for awhile because she can't get it to heal.  As a result I'm in pain all the time and DH and I have no quality of life at home.  DH really would like to see me stay home.  It is hurting him to see me hurting all of the time.  I like my career, the thought of giving it up terrifies me.  There really isn't a way to back off and do less and keep my career.  Physically things just keep getting worse, so we're wondering if I'm just at a point where I have to accept and realize that my new reality doesn't include the old career.  I'm torn, so just keeping plugging ahead and not making a decision. Which isn't helping emotionally or physically.

kmmd:  Feeling your pain both physically and mentally.  Change is hard whether it is forced upon us or we choose it.  I have been thinking about that lately.  One thing in life you can count on is CHANGE.  i hope you come to a decision soon as that will probably bring peace of mind.

My life is about to get a little harder for a while.  Facing surgery on Tuesday of this week and feeling really apprehensive about it.  I hope recovery is quick and easy.  I have been feeling down last week or so and it is affecting my "holiday" spirit.  Daughter wants to make cookies with granddaughter today and I am finding hard to get in the spirit.

On top of the recon on Tuesday I recently found out I need Carpal tunnel surgery on both arms.  I am right handed and that is the worst right now so two weeks after undergoing recon I will be having surgery again for a trigger finger and carpel tunnel.  I guess I am on the pity pot today.

I do have lots to be grateful for and will try to  start focusing on those things.

Happy holidays to everyone as not sure I'll be up to posting again for a while.  Keep me in your thoughts and prayers on Tuesday please.

Patti

Patti - You will be in my thoughts tomorrow and I will send some reiki towards the situation for you.   Try to fake the mood and make the cookies.  Faking it and trick you into actually feeling it. 

 I am home sick today.  Nothing big, but I have congestion and aches and fatigue and decided to let my body have a rest day.  Yesterday I was active in the morning selling something off of craigs list, making french toast for the family and playing a few games of Clue. Then I climbed into bed for a few hours.  Got out to bake cookies with DS.  Took a bath with epson salts because something went very out of wack around my tail bone causing pain down my legs. Then back to bed.  DH took DS to the cookie exchange party and later got him ready for bed.  I was up for awhile because my back needed movement and then back to bed.  Called in my sick day last night and again this morning.  Had to run out to DS's school because DH forgot to put snack in his bag.  Just taking it easy at home otherwise.  Some time on the computer, some time in bed, some time watching TV, some time folding laundry and straighting up, more time in bed.  

LISA!!!!!!  Awesome to hear from you!  I am so glad things are going great.  I pop into your caring bridge site from time to time and check to see how things are going.  I can't believe we're up to 2 years already.  It's crazy. 

 Patti, I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope the recon is a fast recovery for you, it's so exciting!

Ladies, I need you to send some positive vibes my way too!  Getting my exchange first thing on Wed morning, headed to Calgary (2 hours away) tomorrow to stay in the hotel overnight.  I'm first case so I probably have to show up at 6am.  I can't believe that in less than 48 hours I will be done with the recon journey.  I can't wait to see how the gummies will differ from the expanders.  Can hardly wait!

Mom&2kids--B9!!! I raised a toast in your honor! Even though you and surgeon were sure it was ok, I bet hearing those words was so great.

Patti and Jilly--thinking of you both as you finish the recon! And Patti, I hope you got those cookies made, and it helped "sweeten" the holidays and lessen the anticipation of the surgeries. Is the Carpal tunnel from the Arimidex?

kmmd-sending you good wishes and hugs. What a hard place to be. I hope you can find some quiet time from plugging a head to weigh your options and what you really need and want, physically and emotionally.

lisa-great to hear from you! Wow--what are your weight loss tricks. I feel lucky to just maintain (well, I'm NOT stepping on the scales until a couple weeks after New Years, because I know that I'm NOT maintaining right now).

renrel--joining you for a cup of hot tea to get better soon. I caught a MASSIVE kinder cold last week and even took a day off, which if you can believe it I've been trying to save sick days just in case....the beast comes knocking. How dumb of me.

Well, I'm on break and spent 2 full days getting a book ready for press that now I don't even need to send off for my 2nd job. So now need to finish shopping, packing, and getting my big kids in the car tomorrow to drive to la to see mom and brother I hope my cough goes away so that I can go skiing like I promised youngest next week, to come back in time to clean house for annual New Year's Day Party (well...skipped the one right before chemo). Happy holidays!

Thanks ladies!  I am back from the exchange and doing really well.  If anyone has access to the picture forum, the new pics are on there.  I think they look pretty good and after 2 years, it's really nice to look down and see something that looks pretty good. 

It will be a quiet night tonight, my parents are coming over, usually we have a party on Christmas Eve but this year because of the surgery, it will be very low key.  Some bacon wrapped scallops, wings, and munchies.  I've got to make some cookies too....we always put out cookies for Santa!  the kids are 5 and 7 so they always do cookies and milk for santa and carrots outside for the reindeer.  It's plus 8 degrees celcius today, not sure what that is in F but we call this is a warm day here for December, the kids are out without mitts and hats enjoying the sunny weather.

Merry Christmas Jewels! 

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate.  May you find good health under your tree, wrapped in love and with a ribbon of happiness to tie it all together. 

One of my husband's co-workers wife was diagnoised with BC recently.  He told my husband a few days ago looking for advise.  She is the same age I was when I was diagnosis.  Good news it the tumor is small and she will just need a lumpectomy and raditation, but it is hard to hear of anyone having to go through this.

 A co-worker gave me a generous gift card yesterday as a thank you for the Reiki I gave her earlier in the year.  She swears I fixed her knee so that she could walk on it again.  It was nice to get that appreciation, though I have never charged or asked for payment for giving Reiki.

 We had dinner at a friends' house this evening.  It was nice but one of the guests has althzmers (sp) and it is really bad.  She used to be sharp as a tack and she just sat quietly smiling all evening. I spend all day trying to decide what to bring for dessert and ended up trying a new chocolate cupcake recipe which was just barely done in time to leave but it was very rich and well recieved.  I also baked some bread, it did not rise properly but still came out quite good.  

Saw my PCP today for a general check up.  Was a bit over due for a pap smear and have not actually seen my PCP since before my Masectomy.  She spent a good hour asking me about my experience to understand from my point of view what I went through rather than just reading my Oco notes.  She is a real Jewel.  When I was diagnosised she gave my her home number and really treated me like a person rather than a patient.  She has had two other young patients go through BC.  I told her I would be glad to talk to any future patients who need someone to talk to.  I gave all my doctors high marks and she did not need my voice to know my PC was worth recommending. She was amazed at how natural my breast look and that tatoos and a wee bit of delicate surgury could make such real looking nipples.  Anyway, I got my flu shot and a Tentis shot and gave two vials of blood to run any tests my Onc did not run.  Need to see if my cholesterol is still doing well.  5 years ago I had great numbers on that one.  Her only concern was that I had gained about 15 pound from when she last weighed me, though she said she could not really see it on my body (I can) and that I am not exercising as much as I should, though she agreed with my schedule it is pretty hard to fit it in.  At least with the wii in the house I am doing a bit on the weekends now and on vacation days.  I am going to go do some just dance when I get off the computer. 

This evening I am taking DS to the movies.  A local theater does a family night on vacation weeks.  $6 for a kids movie, popcorn and soda, but you need to go 2 hours early to buy a ticket because the sell out.  Tomorrow I am back a work, but I can't complain much about a 2 day work week.  This was a very well timed snow storm from my point of view. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all who celebrate..

I had the greatest compliment last week.  A close colleague and I were talking about two other colleagues of ours in the region who had been dx with bc recently.  I mentioned that I had emailed both of them to offer support.  My colleague sort of paused and then said "you know, I completely forgot that you went through that-- it just seemed to me like you breezed through it".

Now, that is not entirely true, but it did make me feel good that all of my efforts to keep things normal seem to have worked (and she was someone I actually told and would sometimes complain to when I was feeling cranky)...... small victories!!!

I sometimes forget to, and I honestly never thought that would happen.  I am so looking forward to 2011.... I wish you all the best!!! 

May the New Year bring all the Jewels good things. 

 Renrel,

1/1/11  (I really wanted to write out this date, so cool)

Happy New Year!    Another year of survival!!!   We rock!

In the past two weeks, three acquaintances found out they have bc.  I've spent alot of time listening these past few weeks.....diving back into bc in a heplful way has been really good for me.   Say few prayers for three new sisters.