Minor Rant

Athena, I too, think constantly about mets even though I am only stage II, also.   However, intellectually, I am sure you realize statistically our chances of survival past 5 years are much greater than that of death.   But I get this nagging feeling like it's going to happen to me.   But like you said, I don't fear death itself.   My life has been a rather sad one, actually, and I wouldn't be leaving behind any kids or close family.   BUT I do fear what the pain would be like.    Anyways, I do think we need to try and get past this and be grateful for our good prognosis.  

you guys jus tripped my trigger big time---I too am Stage IIB, 3.5 cm/chemo/no mast/lump & 2 lymph nodes/rads/now taking Anastrazole daily for 5 years

They say best way to get through this is {try to} Be Positive.  Yeah, it's not easy but it can be a goal for me. 

The doctors/nurses have all been so upbeat sometimes I just wanna slug 'em, but many are good-hearted & trying to help the best way they can.  They all said what good vitals & blood count I had, that's something I hung onto as I lay & vomited up the "anti-nausea" pill I had just taken, right after TAC infusion!  I am 65, single, have been alone most of my life, so being alone was nothing new for me.  I do have a beautiful cat-companion, believe me, pets can make better companions than humans---for instance, you don't have to fight over what to watch on TV, and they don't spend all the money, etc, things that human companions have been known to do in my life!!

And I laugh at myself a lot----maybe to keep from crying?  But it helps, so much.

I'd like to send my thoughts & prayers out to you, God bless you!!

((( Athena )))  I think about the cancer coming back too .. and I'm Stage I.  It's been 3 1/2 years since my surgery .. and those dark thoughts still invade from time to time.  Especially yesterday, as it was mammogram day for me. 

I don't take Tamoxifen or an AI either due to the crippling SE's.  And I sometimes wonder how this will affect my life and cancer recurrence. 

All the rah, rah, rah comments from those in my life ring on deaf ears.  I smile and thank them, but I know the truth .. the cancer can come back.

Sending you love,

Bren

"The thought goes through my head that it isn't a matter of if I get mets, but when"

Been thinking that myself. I mean I'm 49 yo. My chances of living another 10 years is good… 10 years! I'll only be 59. That's not good enough. Nor is 15 years. 20 is better.

I'm not really afraid to die just want it to be by something else. I really would prefer firing squad to cancer. 

But we really don't know what the future brings. 10 years ago Herceptin was not available to most of us HER2+ gals since it was just in trial stage. There is new stuff happening so even if we do get mets there seems to be hope for newer and better drugs with less SE and better quality/length of life.