June 2010 Mastectomy

Laurie, I have been sleeping on my left side since the surgery and I usually sleep on my right side, which is the affected side. My PS told me today that I could sleep on the right side as long as I was comfortable. He was pleased with the way that the foob looked and glad that the infection was gone, but when I told him that I was having dizzy spells, he told me that it was probably due to a combination of the tamoxifen and the antibiotic I was on. I am not taking the antibiotic anymore and he said they should go away within a day or so. I won't see him again for 3 months and then he said I will probably have enhancement surgery on the other side in 6 months. Boy, this is a long and drawn out process, isn't it?

I've also had to listen to those folks who like to complain about every pain in their lives. I remain silent, like Getty does and really would like to say "OH REALLY?? Well, I had BREAST CANCER.."  My parents used to get a really lengthy letter from some friends of theirs at Christmas time and the letter would go into great detail about all of the couple's sicknesses. When I sent my cards, I put a note in a couple of them about the cancer diagnosis, but not to everyone.

I go back to work on the 20th. Thankfully, both Christmas and New Year's weeks are short ones since my company is recognizing the Friday as the holiday and giving us the day off. I have not been in the mood to do any shopping and am thankful that I did most of it online. My 8 year old and I will be making cookies and candy this weekend for some neighbors and close friends. We do have a little shopping left but most everything is done.

I hear you on this one, and I go the way of Getty, say a silent prayer that they won't ever have to face what we've been through. It does amaze me sometimes when I tell them I am in the process of BC reconstruction, mostly people I've befriended this year who didn't know, but in the process of getting to closer, I decide to let them know, especially what with hospital dates, drugs, etc. that are hard to hide to some you have more frequent contact with. But I get a lot of responses like, "oh, my dog/cat has cancer, too" It really blows me away, but I sort of chuckle to myself, as I require all the positive, loving energy inside of me to continue to circulate and heal. Going into anger mode just makes me feel bad in so many way. This has been/continues to be an enormous lesson in compassion and loving kindness. I am a Buddhist, so these teachings have become so much more real to me in this, as I realized I had a choice, and going the "middle way" has brought deep insight, and heart opening. It is a very spiritual experience, and I'm so grateful. Also grateful for you gals here. Couldn't have gotten this far without you!

As far as the exchange, Laurie, I'm one week out. They took my drains out and tape off today. I was crying in the office, I think out of sheer exhaustion, as I haven't been sleeping much, but also relief and grief, etc. from everything, and the realization that I lost my breasts. My new ones are beautiful! Am so lucky to have this wonderful and kind doctor who takes great pains to make them look gorgeous. I am sore & stiff, due to pocket work, and swollen on top. They don't project as the TEs did, but they are the perfect size for my petite frame. Will post photos as soon as some swelling diminishes. I put away the wedge pillow that I've been using for months,and find that I can sleep okay with several regular pillows. I think Getty worked out the sneaky side sleep technique. I prop up a pillow under my ribcage, and have my head pillows elevated so that the breast hangs free, sideways. I was told not to sleep on my side or stomach for at least six weeks, not to break a sweat, or let my heart rate go up over 90 for the next three weeks. And I must wear a bra 24/7. Have a couple of cotton sports bras which are fine. You'll be so happy to get those TEs out, it is like everyone says, night and day!! As for recovery, I have laid low for a week, and will continue to be easy and gentle with myself. But I have energy and am doing some walking, but gentle walking, not the power stuff I usually do. Hope this answers some of your questions. Feel free to ask anything else, since I'm the guinea pig of late :~)

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday, and Getty, have a blast on your cruise. You'll thaw out nicely! Will be with you in spirit, soak it up!! It will take you to another world and this will be forgotten temporarily. I'll bet you'll look great in your swim suit, too! 

I actually bought a bikini the other day, something I had planned to do before all this stuff came down in March. I've given myself the gift of a personal retreat by renting a little place on the ocean in central California, Cayucos, a tiny, slow beach town that I love to visit. I'll be there for three days before Christmas and have some quiet uninterrupted time to reflect, pray and renew. 

Yes, may 2011, the Year of the Rabbit, be kind and loving. The year of the Tiger has bared claws and teeth, yet if we survived it, as so many I know have had big challenges, we will be rewarded by the Rabbit/Cat....many happy returns everyone! xoxo Melissa 

Just flying by and reading all the new posts. I don't have a whole lot of time to write a response, but wanted to say that I love you all and am so thankful of the great community of friends that we've been able to build here. It's so wonderful to have a place to come where everyone understands the strange situation we're all in.

I went to Nordstrom today and got new bras. Ladies, check with your insurance companies and see what they will pay for as far as bras go after your mastectomies. Better yet, go to Nordstrom and ask them. My insurance company is VERY generous with their allowance.

Here's to hoping for a nice fluffy bunny year ...

Getty 

It's all relative.

Brazos- So scary about the nodule, such a tough decision to make on whether to biopsy or not.  How often will they check on it if you watch it?  It sounds like your birthday didn't go well either:(  I know what you mean about the comments.  People are trying to help, but somehow it does the opposite.  At my husbands company Christmas party I had a lot of fun- except that everyone came up and looked me deep in the eyes and said " I've thought of you so much--- how ARE you?"  I don't know if I handled it wrong or not (I probably did.)  I smiled and said " great how are you?"  Like I didn't get what they were asking...they all followed my lead and no one took the talk of cancer farther.  I was there to have fun not talk about everything.  But they say these things because they care.  I'm sure your friends meant it too- I bet you look great!  Very glad you had fun trying on foobs:)

Anger...most of the time I prefer anger to sadness.  My most favorite is to pretend it's all fine, some days it really is ok.  One night I had a few glasses of wine with a good friend and I got all weepy, crying about my Mom dieing, my BC- all of it.  I actually stopped and said, I don't want to cry. I got mad at all of it instead and stopped crying and actually said "there, that's better."  We looked at each other and I said "That's kind of wrong, I'm messed up."  She shook her head and said "not at all."  GOOD FRIEND.  We all handle it in different ways, on different days and I think it's all just going to play out the way we need it to, to get through.

Keep us posted on how your doing, ok?

I saw another thread that showed how to paste pics here- I wanted to share a cute pic of my boys ♥

Laurie - Such a cute picture of your boys!

Thanks everyone!!!

Speech I laughed at your comment about the coat- it's a hand me down and believe it or not I just thought it was "the orange coat"- I didn't realize it was for a team,lol!!  We're in Red Sox country here

Hello everyone! Sorry for not posting news, life has been a crazy rollercoaster the past three weeks. As always it seems.

GOOD NEWS!!!!
My beautiful Vida Sofia born at 34 weeks on Tuesday Nov 30 at 8:20 am, 2,578 kg and 49 cm. She had a good cry and lots of hair!
She had a very good start and stayed at the NICU but hours later she got tired trying to breathe by herself. So she was connected to a ventilator for two days... needless to say that really broke my heart! I felt completely powerless to see her connected to all this machines and tubes coming out from everywhere in her tiny little body. Hard days indeed for the three of us.
But she is a fighter. She recovered so well and at the 3rd day was able to breathe herself only with soem minimal help. We all spent two weeks at the hospital where nurses, midwives, doctors and other parents in the same situation were amazingly supportive.
Finally Monday last week they discharged us from the hospital and we came home!!!! She is doing amazingly great and is a happy baby! We have visits from the hospital nurses every 4 days to monitor Vida Sofia's weight and she is doing really good.

BAD NEWS *cries*
Ok, maybe not bad but a bit dissapointed news. Oncologist warned me that 3 weeks after my c-section, we would start the FEC chemo treatment, I was naive enough to think I could ask to postpone it one more week, perhaps after Christmas or even pushing it to the first week in January. Nope, I was so wrong.
Went to my appointment this Tuesday just to be told I needed to start ASAP, meaning right there! A bit in a shock, my DH  and I requested to start the next day, that means today. I cried so much yesterday, I was so upset and angry about this whole cancer thing!!! Come on! christmas is in two days and I will be having my chemo now?!?!
So today at 9:00 am I HAD MY VERY 1ST CHEMO round. The first of 6. Wasn't as bad as I thought, nurse was nice, drugs came in smooth....So far I'm doing ok, it's already midnite here in Norway... I'm just feeling incredibly tired but no nausea at all. Perhaps it's all the medication I've been given: Emend, Medrol, Ondansetron y Afripan. Can't believe I've got 4 different medications for the nausea, onco said he just gave me the top of the top on meds to prevent nausea.... looks like it so far they are really really working good. I hope it last.


My mom  (who arrived before Vida's birth all the way from Mexico) and DH have been amazing all this time. And especially today,  helping me to look after Vida Sofia and doing the rounds of grocery shopping, cooking etc. Some friends came over this afternoon to finally meet Vida, was not sure about this but since everyone has been asking to see her and Christmas is just around the corner, I accepted... of course warning them it all would depend on how fit I felt. But like I said so far so good. Crossing fingers to keep this way during the night and tomorrow.....
Dad was suppose to arrive from Mexico last weekend but with all the snow problems at London airports he is still in Mexico City waiting to get the go and finally join us, hopefully he is gonna be here on Friday morning! Just on time to celebrate Christmas with me, my mom, and his first grandchild!!!


Anyways, I got my pre- Christmas present, my first round of chemo... lucky me, huh? The thing I think I fear the most is the hair.... I'm so not ready to start to loose it..... will see how it goes.

So hope you all are doing good and that all are getting ready to have a lovely Christmas, for those dealing with pain and so on I'm sending healing vibes.... this too shall pass they say.

Joystars- thanks so much for letting us know how things are going.  I am so happy that baby Vida is healthy and home with you and your husband!  I hope you are still feeling ok despite the chemo.  It makes me so sad for you that you have to have new mother hood butted in upon by cancer and chemo.  But you will get through it and make yourself healthy for you  and your new baby.  I will say some prayers for all of you.  I hope you had a great holiday!!

Hi everyone!

Happy New Year!!! I hope that 2011 is gentle and good to us all.

Joystars: I am so happy to see your post with the wonderful news of Vida Sofia and how well she is doing! What a blessing for you and your husband. She is your true early Christmas present. I hope your chemo treatments have continued to go easily and well. I share Laurie's anger that cancer has stuck it's ugly head into your new mom experience. Hugs to you!!

Laurie: Your boys are beautiful! Thank you for sharing their picture with us. Is your exchange surgery this week? I've been thinking about you. I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way.

I had a really wonderful Christmas/New Year's with family and wonderful friends. I hope everyone else had the same. I feel like I'm finally putting this BC experience behind me. Well ... all except for the stupid Tamoxifen, which I will start in 13 days. :-/

Getty 

Laurie: You're going to do really well with the surgery, I know it. After all we've been through, this one is really just a walk in the park. I totally understand wanting to just be done with it all. I think the beginning of the new year just makes it feel like a corner has been turned and this should all just be in the past. The good news is that for you, it will be well and truly over come next Tuesday. Hang in there!

I'll be checking in to see how it all went for you. 

Thinking of you today, Laurie!! I hope your surgery is over and that you're resting comfortably.  (((Gentle Hugs)))

You're done, lady!!! Congrats!  

Wow Laurie! You are done! I'm very very happy for you, seriously got tears in my eyes.... happy tears! I'm also happy to know everything went fine and that you even got the chance to come here and let us know how you were doing. You rock girl!
Yes, relax and enjoy your quiet time... you SO need it. Sending healing vibes and hope you keep feeling fine. Big big hugs!
P.S. forgot to mention this before but I  like the picture of your children, they look adorable!

Getty and speech, thank you very very much for your kind words girls, feels really good to read your messages. Hope you had happy holidays and that you are feeling good these days. So far Vida Sofia is doing amazing! Today we had her first appointment at the neighbourhood health center and being 6 weeks old she is now 3.450 kg! Both DH and I were very happy, our little angel is getting sronger!

On Wednesday is my 2nd round of chemo at 9 am... to be honest I feel less anxious this time. Hopefully the wbc will be ok so I can have the chemo. More worried about how we all will do the night before to role the feeding shifts for Vida, as my husband is my chemo partner and my mom will be staying home babysitting Vida, we all need a good nite sleep. Will see how it goes.

What is taking my usual joy and happy spirits is the hair thing. Started to fall out sometime last week, the day after I got a very short hair cut which worked Ok for soem days... but now there's hair everywhere! I have lots and lots and my hair is quite thick, I still look ok but I do have some bald spots underneath already and my head is so itchy all over.
The Norwegian health system program covered the payment for one wig up to 800 USD (thaaaaank you Norway!) got one few weeks ago... is short and nice but haven't wear it since the day I got it. Today I went out shopping for some head scarves.... any idea where can I get tips of how to tie them??? I think is time to shave it all.

I know I should have better done that since the beginning but I just couldn't! I was mentally preparing for this moemnt, but this process is very hard for me... is just hair... but is my hair!

Ok, should stop now... sorry to come and vent out ... I just felt the need.
Now I'll  try an get some rest before my little sweet girl wakes up for her midnite bottle...

Hugs for everyone and happy week!

Laurie!!!! I'm so glad you're done and that you're healing and resting. Isn't it a great feeling? I can't wait to hear what you think of them after the "unveiling".

Joystar: I'm so glad to see you here and to know that Vida Sofia is growing and thriving! Such great news!! I am also sad to hear that you're dealing with the loss of your hair from the chemo. I never had chemo, so I don't have the experience, but I can imagine what a hard thing it is to go through. I'm sure you look beautiful with your head scarf or with your wig. I'm sending hugs your way. Give the baby a kiss from me way over here in the United States.

Getty