Deconstructed and Happy about it!
Comments
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Well after almost 3 yrs of complications and 10 surgeries to try for foobs I got totally deconstructed today and I could not be happier! After 3 yrs of crap, it feels so good to just know I am done. I am going to have a chest tattoo piece done in a year after all of the scar tissue heals. Just wanted to let ya know I have joined the Breast Free and Proud club! XOXO
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welcome to the club! I know I have a sense of tranquilty knowing that this is where I'm at. I wish you well.
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I've been seriously wondering if I'll end up in this club.
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It just really feels good to have closure. There is only so much the body and mind can take...and I reached my limit. I am not saddended by the fact that I am back at swuare one or that I tried recon, it was just not for me. Feeling good about my boobles self and my hubby of 17 made the greatest comment to me Said without that foob in his way he could just get closer to my heart! Boy I love that man!!
XOXO
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Yes one thing I have learned on this Journey is my man loves me. I'm going to try to hang in there and hope in the end I'll be fine, but should I change my mind and say enough is enough I know my man will be right there providing me love and support. It took BC and all these surgeries for me to really know how much I am loved.
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HairSprayMom, this is a wonderful club to belong to... I have my surgery booked for March 18th and I am going to be so happy and proud to be boobless in boston....
Kezzie
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HairSprayMom,
Your DH sounds like a great guy, and romantic, too. I'm so glad you're feeling good about your decision to have your implant removed --the most important thing is to have your pain relieved.
The woman who inspired me to go breast-free told me how liberated she felt and still feels. For a lot of us, it's true. Welcome to the Breast-Free club!
Kezzie,
I had my surgery in Boston, too. Hope yours goes well. Our branch of the Breast-Free club is growing!
Barbara
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(((((((((((((HairSprayMom&Mr.HairSpray))))))))))))))
That has to be the most loving comment I have ever heard.
xx00xx00xx00xx
Strength and courage.
Strength and courage.
Strength and courage.
xx00xx00xx00xx
Perhaps that sentiment should be on T-shirts available at BreastFree??
Or just embroider it on your heart............
Thanks so much for sharing.
I, too, am so fortunate to have a husband who stood behind my choice not to go for recon. In retrospect that was the very best decision for me -- as I had infection/cellulitis/hemotoma just from the incision closure itself.
There are many here to support your new-found status.
We embrace you, and stand beside you.
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Hey, me too! One year ago I did the surgery and I don't mind one bit being flat! i was small before so it wasn't so big a change. My husband is fine with it. He did not want me to have any additional surgery unless medically required. Frankly I don't even notice it 95% of the time. Have no pain either. I am very happy.
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Hope there is room for a uni in this club! My implant was removed for the second time in late October, followed by a hematoma that was surgically fixed and then a seroma that got infected, so I'm just starting to feel human again. Those were just the most recent complications, so I'm really glad to be off the reconstruction roller coaster. It is a challenge to be half flat and not healed enough to wear a prosthetic, but thank goodness it is winter and I can wear enough layers to cover it all up -- LOL.
My husband has also been 100% supportive since I got BC -- he's amazing.
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BonnieK,
Absolutely, welcome to the club! I'm glad you are finally recovering from what sounds like an arduous reconstruction and deconstruction process. I hope once you're fully healed you'll be even happier with your decision to remove your implant. While there are some challenges to being a unilateral, on the other hand, you still have a natural breast. Glad your DH has been so supportive.
Barbara
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Thanks Ladies. I am OK with the flat look, the prostesis I had in between deconstructions was so heavy and made me sweat. Plus I am totally diggin the no bra ever again thing! Thanks for all of your kind words and I know soon I will be healed up and done with surgeries! YAY!
XOXO,
Regina
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Thanks so much for the welcome! I couldn't sleep last night and feel terrible this morning. Now it's time to see if my stomach can tolerate cofee so I can get a few things done today.
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HairSprayMom,
Can I join the club? I only had a mastectomy, not a bilateral. I wasn't offered it as I'm medicaid (DSHS) patient. I would not have had reconstruction even if I had both removed as they didn't/don't define who I was/am. Does the fact that that I still have one boob preclude me from joining?
Laurie
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You're already in the "club". Welcome, and I'm sorry you had to join!
Dawn
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BoobsinaBox...I love that screen name! and Laurie we are all sisters, boobless, reconned, or strap on boobs. We are all here for each other, because no one but us can understand the everyday struggle we have. LOVE LOVE LOVE TO YOU ALL!!
XOXO
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HairSprayMom.... YOU GO!
BMX since 6/10 and can NOT FATHOM recon. I have suffered enuff just dealing with BMX sx.
BoobsinaBox.... I thought of you this week, altho I have never posted to you b/f...was at the fitters....for the 2nd time and MAN DID I SEE ALOT OF BOOBS IN BOX's!
Love, Strength and Light to you all, and all the Dear Men Folk
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Just want to wish everyone here Happy Holidays and a Very Happy New Year!
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Thanks, HairSpray and Brazos. That's just where my boobs are...in boxes in the closet, except for the microbead forms I still may wear occasionally. At the moment, I am happier without forms at all. Glad the name speaks to you both!
Dawn
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I feel very comfortable posting this milestone in this particular thread.
I wore my two new "boobs in a box" for three hrs today. Very comfortable; I did a lot of walking. the Marlena bra from Amoena is very well-made; I returned the others and ordered all four (insurance limit) Marlenas in different colors.
They passed the hug test too; my hubby gave me a test-hug and said he could not tell. I'll be seeing relatives soon for
Christmas celebrations are about to commence and we are a huggy family. the foam inserts were not hug-proof; but they certainly serve me well at other times.
I give ladies credit for going thru recon; but I feel really good about my decision not to. As I mentioned before, I have had my share of surgeries and difficult wound healings (totally unrelated to breast cancer) so I am glad that I am comfortable in my own shoes; not trying to fit i square peg into a round hole. One of the nice things about being in my mid-fifties is knowing myself and accepting myself. Those are my thoughts anyway.
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HairSprayMom,
Congrats on being Breast free & proud! I have been part of the club for 2 years and couldn't be happier. I don't care & hubby is great about it!!! Congrats again. NJ
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Don't know what to do..My Dr is not all that sympathetic about my problems. ie Back Neck. The muscle under my arms is stretched and I am now experiencing muscle lose all the way down my arm. I have not heard anyone else mention this sort of complication. Has anyone else had this sort of problem? I did not think my would body would be this affected every thing seem different now. I guess I am an immotional wreck these days too
I worry so much as different issues develope..Is there ever an end to all this stuff.
Any input would be very helpful.
Happy to hear that all is going well with your surgery HairsprayMom!
You sound very positive about you decision...
Love
Laura
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Hairspraymom: Good for you!
I'm curious and often wondered choosing the reconstruction path myself what it would look like if I chose to de-construct. If you don't mind me asking, forgive me and just don't answer if you do, what do you look like? Does it look ok? The skin that was stretched for the reconstruction, does it shrink back or do you have to have it removed?
So happy for you that your journey is almost finished. Did you hear my sigh of relief?
Congratulations!
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Must chime in here as someone who has been flat since July 2010 BMX. I like the microbead forms and find that they make me look just like I used to look before. I wear them for occasions when I want to look like I used to look. But very recently I've found that I am getting comfortable going flat in public also. I find that as long as the rest of my outfit looks good (I'm talking cute shoes, pants, cute top and a jacket, and great earrings), I think I look just FINE. It's a little bit funny that on some days it looks like I have breasts and on some days I don't, but that's how things work out. It really is COMFORTABLE to go flat.
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Edited to redact a post with personal information.
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Don't know what the problem is with the arms..Maybe I was to active after my expansions. Was not given much info on exercise etc....Things seemed to be going well until my exchange. My right implant has actually slipped from under the musle and my left just looks strange. The arm thing really bothers me a lot. I don't think any amount of surgery can fix the problem br I have to pad the strap of my bra to take presure off of the muscle between my rec breast and arm as it gets irritated and the skin has thinned as there is no tissue ther just skin.
sad and worried
Laura .
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Edited to redact a post with personal information.
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Maybe this is as good a place as any to tell this story. I was in Wal-Mart this week looking for something in the underwear dept, and they didn't have what I wanted. i was about to leave, when I noticed a line of Large sports bras. They were so colorful and so large and so firm-looking, I was just kinda staring at them and wondering if that was what a large-breasted friend has to wear to jog. (Remember, I am more concave than a pancake, having had a bilat almost 5 years ago, and I'm not wearing even my little microbead forms right now.) A woman walked up to me and asked, "Do you wear those for exercise?" I was stunned, but I recovered and said, "No, I was just looking at them." She went on to tell me she found bras uncomfortable, but she apparently wears that kind all the time. She recommended them to me, and I said, "I don't actually need that much support any more." She thanked me, and walked on. I just stood there and thought to myself, people really aren't paying attention to my flat chest! It was so funny!
Dawn
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I just posted on the breast reconstruction forum. I am SO tired of failed reconstruction attempts since summer of 2008. I would love nothing more than to have boobs again but it's not worth it. I have had so many surgeries I cannot even remember how many. Now I am seeing a new surgeon and she wants to start over with tissue expanders. My husband does not want me to go through anymore but I would rather boobless than as I am now. I am going to approach him tomorrow with my thoughts.
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HairSprayMom,
I'm sorry you had such a tough time with your reconstruction and so many surgeries. How wonderful to be done and free of all that worry!
I'm actually quite happy and relieved to see your post, because after the new year I am planning on having my implants removed and going flat. I had bilateral mast with expanders in April 2008, and exchanged to silicone implants in Sept. 2008. Within 6 mths, I developed capsular contracture in the right side, and now have the beginning of CC in the left. I also developed truncal lymphedema in the right side around the time the CC started. I have done myofascial therapy for over a year in an attempt to reduce the scarring and get relief from the pain it has caused. My neck, back, shoulders, and esp. the pectoral area are tight, and I cannot ever get comfortable and forget about these damn implants. Because of my lymphedema, I will be removing the implants without replacing. It's really the best thing for my health, so it's kind of a no brainer. I did do some research, but it confirmed that those who develop CC are likely to get it again with new implants. And with the lymphedema, I'm just not willing to involve any other body parts since I need to keep all the healthy nodes I can! I really don't care enough about having breasts to cut other parts of my body, which I happen to think is just fine the way it is.
Right now I'm researching who I want to do my surgery and hope to make that decision some time in January. February is my goal for surgery. I cannot wait to get rid of these things and hope to finally have the mental energy to move on and think about something else!!! I feel like I've been held hostage by these implants for over two years. I am so done. It's not to say I didn't go through a little grieving process - I had a meltdown for a couple weeks once I realized what I needed to do. Sort of took me back to when I first had my BC diagnosis. But I feel good about my decision and can't wait to be done, just like you.
I'm also curious to know what you look like now. If you had implants, is your muscle stretched? Did they remove the extra skin? I'll admit I'm a little worried about what I will look like - just want to be as neat and tidy and flat as possible. If you don't mind, I would really like to hear about it.
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