Wife due for a masectomy on thurs.

I am so sorryyou have to even post on this board about your wife. I too am a retired clinician and the fear is so overwhelming and so depressing. We have a great group of gals on the older women over 50 gang-we would love to have her there. Does she have to make this decision so quickly or can she wait on it and get more info. Often we caregivers are the worst patients and I saw SO much cancer that I am terrified of it-feels like a death sentence. But sounds like she has tons of hope in her case itself. Very hard to switch from caregiver in control to patient and she can always opt for reconstructive therapy if she choses. Let her cry-she has not had time to grieve over you, is my guess. I know with me, my Mom passed away (i was her hospice caregiver) and a month later I was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue!!! I am still in shock-well I move from shock to depression. Is there a support group for her?? Sometimes we think we know what to expect and that can be the worst sentence we can give ourselves!! i so hope she decides to join the BC.org Board and to find a group that she can really relate too. My best wishes to you and please tell her we are all sending her warm hugs and prayers!! SV

David,

Husbands like you go a long way to taking the sting out of this awful disease. You sound like a WONDERFUL companion and protector to your wife. God keep you both.

I'll check to'ow to see how she did. Don't worry about the "disfiguring surgery" comment at all.  When you are in the loop with us, you can call a spade a spade.      I'd be in denial if I didn't know I had had disfiguring surgery.       It's when people who know nothing about cancer make comments like they know what we are going thru. . .  But that's another subject for another thread on another day.             give us a "shout out" if you have any questions. I have a feeling you'll be great at "stripping drains".    eileen

glad to hear she did well,DAvid.    At least she's looking at her bandages; I kept turning my head for a few days.            But when the drains were pulled (not painful for me) the first thing I requested was that my hubby hold my hand.        In some ways we feel closer than ever before; not that I'd ever say I was glad to have had cancer.                             Love your quote. I never heard that one before.    

Hey Deejer!  I started reading about you & Linda today....glad I did, because now I see it's all over!  Man, the waiting & wondering is brutal.   I didn't have the same surgery as your wife, & when I hear about all the women who went through a mastectomy, it just gives all of us hope!

Sounds like you've been having your own problems also....My Husband had a pace-maker implanted about 8 years ago, & is doing great!  In fact, just had it replaced with a newer, fancier model with headers on it..Ha!  But for being in our 70's, we can't complain! 

I liked your saying.....And you guys take care!  Jeannette

Hi there Deejer...your wife's up and down experiences reflect some of what I went through, I just wanted to add that was over ten years ago. I am wishing the best for both of you...and sending hugs from Southern Cal....

deejay; sorry to hear about that recent development. cancer is not fair, that's for sure. she took care of you and now the two of you should just be enjoying life. 

I would imagine that you and your wife are so foucused on her recovery from surgery that waiting for tumor board decision doesn't feel like you are wasting time. she needs a few wks just to physically recover from the mastectomy. 

Just reviewed your initial post, cancer does suck. You both are in my thoughts and prayers. I do know a 93 old woman who survived 3 different cancers in her lifetime. She always says she wishes she hadn't wasted time worrying about cancer b/c she ended up living a long life.  I hope the two of you have that same sentiment when you are 93!  

Just found this thread tonight....glad to hear her surgery is over, but sorry to hear that a node was affected.  But stage 1 sounds postive.

As for her mastectomy, I had a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction in January.  Before my surgery, I cried and cried.  I coudlnt' imagine life without breasts, even though they weren't "eye catchers"...but my loving husband of 26.5 years (at the time) assured me that my altered body shape wouldn't change his love for me.  He took pictures of me (headless) the night before the surgery. 

The day after my BMX, I cried and cried when I got my first look in the mirror.  My husband was loving and supportive.  When we got home, he assumed duty of my drains for the first few days.  He helped me in the shower.  He let me cry and held me.

He came with me to my doctor's appts.  The first time of intimacy, I thought I was going to die, to be honest.  I felt so vunerable with my new body.  But he loved ME for ME   He kissed my scars.  He continues to kiss my scars. 

I chose not to reconstruct, and he supports me in this.  It doesn't sound as if you wife is reconstructing either, and it took me a while to get used to my new body, actually.  Now, though, I honestly have forgotten what i used to look like.  I think if my husband hadn't been so accepting, I wouldn't be so accepting of my change.

You sound like the same kind of loving husband that I have been blessed with.  27 years of marriage with this wonderful man....I am blessed.  Your wife is blessed, too...and so are you.

blessings...robin

Hi, David ~ I'm so sorry to read about your wife's ups & downs with her dx and surgeries, but glad the mast is behind her.  You know, I had a somewhat similar situation with a node that was called negative in the OR that turned out to be very positive, and, thankfully, it led me to get a second opinion.  I don't know where your wife is being treated, but I personally found the expertise at UCLA far superior to the local doctors with whom I'd started my tx, and whom I'd always held in such high regard.  (I live near Palm Springs.)  But I can tell you from personal experience that when information starts to change and get confusing, as it is now seems it is for your wife, you may want to consider getting a second opinion at an NCI-designated cancer center.  There are at least two in No. CA:  http://cancercenters.cancer.gov/cancer_centers/map-cancer-centers.html  

If you want to take a quick peek at my bio page, it will be pretty evident why I feel this way and am suggesting it to you.

Glad you're doing well, and I hope & pray things go smoothly going forward for your wife.   Deanna

Hi David. I can relate a bit what you must be going through.  My wife had a lumpectomy and radiation 4 years ago and has just finished her last chemo treatment for a recurrence in the same breast which required a mastectomy.  She is a very up, positive woman, but still found the mental ups & downs rough.  I felt frustrated and sort of helpless during the whole 8 month ordeal, and even though I helped in any aspect I could (cooking; cleaning; keeping her company through all the treatments and doc visits), I think the thing that helped the most were HUGS, and lots of them. The recovery time has been good and we are on our way to a new life as I am sure you and Linda will be.  I still think my wife is a fantastic, beautiful, exciting women!

Good luck on what ever your decision is; I am sure you and Linda will make the right one. Just remember; HUGS.

Barry 

glad to read an update...