ROLL CALL - WHO'S A SINGLE SURVIVOR?

Bump---nobody has checked in for a while.....

I'm single, not dating (actually rarely think of it due to dx), going through this cancerr experience living alone, no family, no children but actually  have caring friends. There is a certain type of loneliness and isolation that cancer brings that is difficult to deal with. I've got a support group once a week but truthfully I still feel very much alone.

How is everyone else doing?

I'm the same as spooncheck too. Lonliness but I have given up on trying any more. I only need one time to be left by a man because of mx. Not going to give anyone a chance to hurt me again. It's just too painful 

I just turned 50, diagnosed last year with stage 0 DCIS pn0(i+).  Always been singel, been engaged once. Phew, I did not marry him.  No children. I have a dog instead.  I take care of my father who has had two strokes and is diabetic to boot.  Have not dated since cancer diagnosis, too afraid to be rejected.  I work in a Molecular Diagnostics laboratory at Florida Hospital in Orlando, you guessed it, Florida.  A GREAT place to work!  I also perform some of the HER2 testing that you hear about on this site.

Agada

I'm 42 and have never been married.  I made it through chemo, surgery and rads.  I have my last herceptin infusion in January.  I haven't had recon yet, very tired of treatment and not looking forward to another "procedure"

I went on my first date since diagnosis a week ago, now I'm scared to go out with him again...  He's a nice guy though and I want to get past this, so I will go out with him again if he's willing 

Spoonchek et al---yes i also am single, alone, one beloved "nuclear" kitty, Josie, no children (2 adopted sons adopted by LDS, never heard from again, hope they are ok, older would be 37 & younger would be 27), no family......I'm 65 yr old.  Celibate since 1998.

I think I found a current thread where I sorta belong.  Loneliness does happen, but not often, thank God.  I was raised in an isolated existence for 20 years, easy to be alone & feel alone, ESPECIALLY in a crowd, or any social occasion, I am extremely awkward.  Having grown up in a House of Women, I seem to gravitate to (platonic) male companionship rather than female (until I got breast cancer) ,(I've been abused by females & later by males).  Best, in these circumstances I have come to believe, is to be alone.  I have good job (so far),with the state (21 years), just celebrated 23 years clean & sober, I try hard to be a functioning adult, although sometmes I like to act silly & laugh about nothing.....shucks, I guess that does sound crazy!?  I do the best I can.

So far I've had noone to talk to who HAS BEEN THROUGH THIS & COME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE----the few I have talked to have NOT done chemo & rads.  2 platonic male friends, one is a registered nurse, warned me if I don't have mastectomy, I will die.

My stats, as best as I can figure out, are:  Stage 2B, 3.5 centimeter, right breast,ductal invasive positive, extremely aggressive, no pain till treatments!  Aggressive treatment due to aggressive nature of tumor (marble-sized in 2009, to clementine-orange-sized in Jan 2010).  Mammo,1/14/10,needle biopsy,1/25/10,diagnosis 2/8/10,Chemo 2/11 to 3/27/10 (TAC), surgery 6/25/10, INTRODUCTION TO POST-OP DRAIN (boy, taht was a kicker!),6/26 to 7/23/10---rads late July 2010 thru 9/15/2010 (my insurance, BCBS, denied every penny of rads, I owe $970.72, all for getting burnt!!)  (BCBS also refused to pay for wig, but obtained 1 free wig & 1 free head wrap from the American Cancer Society, also a bra for free, most comfortable bra I've ever had----till I had rads!)

I perused several threads today---noone mentioned how LEGS, not breasts, start furiously itching during rad----no lotion or cream would help, nipple in agonized pain, had  to take off work one  week.

As of November 1, 2010, I am taking Arimidex, 1 pill daily for FIVE YEARS!?  I asked the onc, when does it ever stop.  Other than intermittently itchy legs, I'm OK I guess, do get tired easily, back to work.  follow-up mammo yesterday, CLEAR SCREENING (& no co-pay!!)

So thats where I am----about my "nuclear" kitty, did you know that if you do a PEM scan, you are supposed to avoid humans for 4-5 hours???  But that animals are unaffected!!!  As soon as I got home, I gave my cat a big hug!  Pets are truly a blessing when you don't have a human in your life.

Nancy

Hi,

I'm single, never married due to incredibly bad taste in men, no kids, but have had furbabies.  When I lived in Boston (back in Ottawa for a year now) I had a BF, I very occasionally see him so I don't think he counts as a BF.  I do have great friends, Mom, a cat I'm taking care of for a while, but it is really lonesome. I have fun out with a friend then come home to an empty house.  I live downtown and look out my window at all the people going about their business, having a life.  I'd love someone to curl up with, be comforted by.  Now I cuddle a cat.  Not quite the same.  Depressing as hell actually.

When my last kitty died about 1.5 months ago it was a real blow.  I always said I only wanted to outlive my cats.  Now I have.  Now what???  I have nothing. It's hard to get motivated...

Elizabeth

It is very difficult to be alone. I am very lucky to have kids and grandkids. But when I come home it is to an empty house and my lonely thoughts.

Just wanted to say hello to all of you. My DH died 8 weeks before my diagnosis. It's been 3 years and although I try to stay busy, I get very lonely at times...angry at DH too.

Even a simple thing like someone going out to get milk.  I'm going to be stuck in my apt the next 3 days -- the only elevator will be on service.  I can get down the stair but not up them.  Arrgh. 

Oh HRF -- what a miserable b*stard. 

Debra and Lisa,

Guess I missed your posts to me back in June!  Better late than never! 

Lisa, thank you SO much for cheering my long time survival!  Just good luck I guess. Just finished DIEP surgery this year and now actually feel like I have a whole body again (previously had implants and overall bad reconstruction result) so I feel like I'm ready to reclaim my life after all of this time.  Maybe I won't be single for much longer now!

Debra,  I do not have any family per se.  No parents, siblings, spouse or children.  A few good friends that have helped me to get through this.  I know how tough it is to be alone, especially when you are going through something as tough as cancer.  I work from home which is isolating so I hope to get another job soon that will put me back in contact with PEOPLE on a day to day basis.  Right now, the only people that I see most weeks are the people at the grocery store!  But my little dog and parrot are always here for me!

Hope all is well with both of you!

Debbie

Hi Nancy,

When I've been really sick my sister has helped me out.  There is help like you described available but I'm too stubborn (so I'm told!) to ask.  Luckily my bank and pharmacy are only a block away.

I have a tiny place, it's just a matter of keeping the clutter under control.  Now, I'd have Oliver Martinez in any time to clean!!  I'm a bit whiney lately -- just tired.  And the crappy weather and horrid holidays.  Ba-humbug!!

But thanks Nancy for suggesting these ideas!  Hugs,

ELizabeth

is there a singles group for people with cancer??  As if.....!!!

I agree, I think it is easier to go through this with a partner, no doubt.   UNLESS that partner is unsupportive or unfaithful, then it would be hell, I would think.

Cat, it will go by really fast!   You will be ready to date again when it's over.   But for now, just get through your treatment, I would not be trying to date until your treatment is over.   Your hair will grow back, I promise!   It takes a few weeks from the time you finish your last treatment until you start to see the hair, but then it starts growing like  a weed.