I'm bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.

Thank you ladies, it's taken me a month to even be able to post about it, but the whole family has come to terms with the loss and we celebrate what time we had with her. Not a day goes by that I don't think about that precious little girl and marvel at the faith and strength her parents have shown during this whole journey.

Barbe, you'll never know how much happiness it brought me to see you holding your grandson. Losing Maci so quickly was hard, but I believe in life eternal and I know I will see her some day. Knowing you had two beautiful grandchildren to celebrate, back to back no less, gave me such peace and happiness. Cherish them, as I know you will, because it's a miracle and a gift and I'm so happy that everything went ok for your family.

I just got back from class and logged on to check in and do my homework, and saw that Elisabeth Edwards passed away this morning. I must say, I'm just stunned that she's gone so quickly after finding out she had stopped treatment. My prayers tonight are for her family and her, that she may rest in peace.

(((hugs))) ladies...

Thanks Leisa...I can't imagine the horror of having to endure what your daughter did. That's so unbelievable, I can't even find the words to express my heartache over the thought of it. I'm so glad your daughter was able to get to a place where she could move on. I must say, as horrible as it was to lose Maci, at least we knew going into this that the only chance of her survival after being born was a miracle from God. I'm grateful we knew what was coming because it allowed us to value the time we had and do some of the things we ordinarily would have waited until she was brought into the world to do.

I'm going to put this out on a thread too, for a wider audience so to speak, but I need your input on a problem ladies...

My onc had agreed to give me darvocet to alleviate some of the joint pain issues I've been having. They are definitely cyclical - with the onset of winter they just become unbearable until spring when things seem to calm down to a level where I can get by without the darvocet. Previously, I had the prescription for my ankle -but that's no longer necessary and I've been off on of it since April. Now, without it, as winter sets in, I realize just how much it was helping with my other joint issues from the AI's. The problem is that the FDA yanked the darvocet the same day my onc called in the prescription. Since I still had some vicoden from surgery back in April, I've been using that on the really bad days. I spoke to my orthopaedic on Monday when I went in for an ankle follow up and he recommended I switch to vicoden and take 1/2 a pill 2x a day to keep the joint pains under control. For the most part, I've been taking 2400mg of tylenol or aleve - and only using the vic. at night when it's really bad. The problem is, when I phoned the onc. today to let them know what my orthopaedic recommended, they don't want to put me on it for long term. They agreed to give me enough to hold me over until I see them in January - but I'm really frustrated that it seems like I'm going to have to plead my case in order to stay on it. I can't take codiene based meds - I'm allergic, I can't take tramadol - it affected me in a way I can only describe as emotional hell. I think if the oncologist is concerned about me either a) masking pain that I would otherwise notice and report to her or b) become addicted to it, that we ought to be able to work out a dose schedule that allows me to have relief with intermittent periods of being off of it to see if new pain or dependancy is developing. Does this sound like a reasonable request? Do any of you know of another pain medication that's not a derivitive of codiene -and doesn't have any greater risk of dependancy? It puzzles me that they will give us anti-depressants for mood issues and hot flashes, nausea meds to counter act stomach upset from the AI's, xanex or valium for anxiety, but they won't give me a low dose pain med like vicoden if they were ok with me taking darvocet. If her concerns are masking pain or increased risk of dependancy, I understand that and I'm willing to work around it -but i just can't accept that they want me to take that little anti-cancer pill every day without giving me something to make the joint pain tolerable! I could smoke pot or use alcohol to numb myself..but really, those are way, way worse than what I'm asking for, IMHO.

You're input would be much appreciated - I have to go back to the onc in early January. I've talked to my partner and she's going to go with me so that if they are really resistant to it and ticking me off, she can take over and facilitate the conversaton or validate the issues I've been living with. Sorry to make this so long, I'm just so bummed that with Darvocet off the market I may not have anything to help me get through this.

As always, hugs to you all..

Honestly - I don't think one in our situation has much chance of addiction (unless there is a history).  WE are taking the pills to function and keep real pain under control - NOT to get a buzz because there is no pain.  Does that make sense? I held off for a long time, until it was really bad... one day I was laying on the couch thinking that if I stayed very still and quiet and not do anything or move...it wasn't too bad. The lightbulb went off and I wondered if I would be willing to do this for (hopefully) years. Nope, why bother with the treatments to stay alive if all I would/could do was stay on the couch not moving and staying very still.

Any way, thats my 2 cents.

Thanks ladies...these are some very valid points and I will make notes to present my "case". I'm glad I posted here, because I didn't get one response on my thread asking for alternatives! I thought for sure some of the ladies here would have suggestions on a replacement.

I totally agree about the QOL issue, and I'm pretty sure if I was susceptible to addiction - I'd have found that out at some point over the 6 years I was on darvocet   When it got to the point where I realized I was miserable at the end of each day, I figured it was time to speak up -so, I shall!!

Long day of work and classes so I'm going to watch my favorite, Big Bang Theory, and head upstairs to get horizontal!

(((hugs)))) thanks again for your input...it's always nice to feel validated...

@barbe -

@3jays...I forgot to ask you...have you tried taking benadryl with it? Projectile vomiting was one of the unpleasant side effects I had with it, they gave me benadryl because of itching and hives, and it also stopped the vomiting I had with it. Just a thought...

So, so glad this work week is over...I'm looking forward to lounging in my sweats studying for finals...

Don't ask me! I just found out I gained 15 pounds in 2 months.....are you KIDDING me???????

Diva, the only advice I can give you is to just let it go. I know, it's hard to accept that this may be our "new" self. Before BC I was in great shape, strong, 150lbs, and full of energy. I worked 14hr days as a warehosue manager, and loved every minute of it. Other than a brief bout of meningitis in 2006, I was rarely sick enough to miss work. If I gained a few pounds over the holidays, they came off well enough with little effort. After BC, ooph, and AI's...no matter what diet I try or what exercise cycle I go on...my weight fluctuates, 10lbs back and forth, but I haven't lost anything significant. I've finally come to accept that I may not get back to my pre-bc self, and that's ok. I'm taking care of me, and that includes accepting me for who I am and not letting my new physical self,  ruin my spiritual self. Be good to yourself, that's much better than being thin  

Diva..you are so not alone Someday's it's really hard...like when co-workers and I were looking at pictures from one of our outings, before my BC...it was when I had first started there - seeing how much I've changed in just 3 years brought me to tears. But you know what? Change is inevitable as we get older...at least I look like my grammie -who was the best grandmother a girl could ask for so looking more like her makes getting older just a bit easier to swallow.

My bitch for the day is nose bleeds. Not minor, stops after a few minutes of applying pressure to the nose - nose bleeds either.We're talkign gushers.  I got one in the middle of the night..and then two more today. I don't know what's up with that but I can do without them! I bought a new humidifier today, so I sure hope that helps.  

Time to study for finals...have a great weekend all!!

Navy girl the humidifier should help keep the nose bleeds away by keeping the humidity up in the house. hope you get relief.

Sheila 

Navy I also found out the hard way that if you increase the humidity in the house during the winter it will help sinus problems. The snowmagedden land was actually around my area, one county west of me got 6-8 inches of snow and the northern end of my county (toward Boone) also got heavy snow. We are getting cold temps and plenty of winds.

Sheila 

very cold, but only @ 1 in. of snow

Whine whine whine. It is 50 here. So un-Florida.

we have 5 inches over 2 inches of ice, with 15 below wind chills, wind is sposed to be less blustery tomorrow