Guilty and obsessed

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jan508
jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I spend alot of time on these boards and I am truly thankful to all my BC sisters who have given such warm, caring advice and encouragement - but - as I read through the pages I almost feel 'guilty' - I was dx with ILC and had a DMX and take tamoxifen for 5 years. Oncotype was 19 and mammaprint was low risk so we decided on no chemo - I also did not need rads. I'm feeling great and the SE's from the Tamox are very slight. I almost feel like this is too good to be true and I'm so sorry for my BC sisters here who are having such a horrific time. I'm in the process of TE's and should get my implants in about 3 mos or so.

My other issue is I cannot stop talking about my BC and my PS and the procedures I'm having. I almost feel like people just don't want to hear about it anymore - blah, blah, blah...that's what they hear now..since I didn't need any treatment it's like I never went through surgery to them but to me it's still so real!  Am I being nuts, obsessed, guilty, I am really at a loss. I even think my DH is tired of hearing about it!

Confused!

Jan

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited December 2010

    I hear ya sista.diag.almost 1 yr.ago. Thank God low onco score.no chemo.I am ned now sooooooo everyone thinks im fine.i have to do rads 5x a week for 6 wks.for me thats something real big...to everyone else what the hell are you complaining about your NED>no evidence of disease.everyone says its getting OLD>ENUF.well its not enuf for me....im still scared sh**t...

    you are not nuts,obsessed either..or maybe we are...all i know is i eat and breathe it all day long every day...bc does suk.

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  • jan508
    jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
    edited December 2010

    Thanks Granny:

    I appreciate the feedback. I guess we can just talk to each other here on the forum but then again everyone here is dealing with their own issues. Go figure...

    Jan

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  • KellyMaryland
    KellyMaryland Member Posts: 350
    edited December 2010

    Hi Jan. Just sending you some warm, happy vibes.  For what it's worth, you've been through much, much more than I have and I think about, talk about, plan for, etc., my breast issues all the time.  So it's no surprise to me at all to hear you say that you are doing the same and in fact the title of your post rang so familiar that I felt compelled to click on it.  Could I offer my ear to you? Please feel free to PM me and get out all your very worthy feelings on such a major change in your life.  I promise no judgements or boredom.

    All the best,

    Kelly

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  • changes
    changes Member Posts: 622
    edited December 2010

    Jan,

    I think others just don't really understand breast cancer - they think since we're through with the initial surgery, all should be well. I had found the psychological adjustment to be a bad as the physical part of the treatment. Our family and friends "move on" long before we do, but that's because it is not directly impacting them. It is a BIG deal to have to have a body part cut off. Don't feel guilty because other women here have had worse things happen - you've had to cope with surgery, fear, and loss, too. Be nice to yourself.

    Sending cyberhugs your way,

    Karen

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  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited December 2010

    Dear Jan, the psychological part is indeed harder than the physical part. the physical part is all laid out for you and you just put one foot infront of the other and show up for treatments, scans mammos..., but the pschological sneaks up on you and is just there each and every day,   Many refer to what we go thru as PTSD, since so many things can trigger a reaction, mild to intense.  I was having lunch with friends the other day and one friend was saying how much she dreaded her upcoming root canal, and the first thing I thought was I'll trade issues with you. If you keep talking about it, it is because you are still processing all you've gone thru since that first, "I'm sorry, it's cancer".  As you get farther out it will consume far less of your thoughts, but it is still our reality..              be gentle with yourself and no more guilt, you've been thru a lot.  sending hugs Karen

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  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited December 2010

    Dear Jan, the psychological part is indeed harder than the physical part. the physical part is all laid out for you and you just put one foot infront of the other and show up for treatments, scans mammos..., but the pschological sneaks up on you and is just there each and every day,   Many refer to what we go thru as PTSD, since so many things can trigger a reaction, mild to intense.  I was having lunch with friends the other day and one friend was saying how much she dreaded her upcoming root canal, and the first thing I thought was I'll trade issues with you. If you keep talking about it, it is because you are still processing all you've gone thru since that first, "I'm sorry, it's cancer".  As you get farther out it will consume far less of your thoughts, but it is still our reality..              be gentle with yourself and no more guilt, you've been thru a lot.  sending hugs Karen

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  • jan508
    jan508 Member Posts: 1,330
    edited December 2010

    Granny/Kelly/Karen/Karen:

    You don't know how much I appreciate your hugs and kind words. Because I was 'lucky' in my prognosis and treatment I didn't realize the impact emotionally that this disease would have on me. I, too, thought once the surgery was over I would be fine - I actually looked at my PS when he told me this could take up to a year like he was completely nuts. Now I know what he meant and I thank him for his upfront honesty.

    You have made me feel much better and also made me realize exactly what I went through - 2 surgeries (had an incision issue) and I have my implants and nips to get through too. So, I guess I was through alot.

    Thank you thank you....

    Jan

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