I AM NOT READY FOR THIS

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shaah2468
shaah2468 Member Posts: 72
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I was recently diagnosed with my fourth recurrance, same breast, four times in twenty years.  Only now it is not so easy to get rid of.  I had the most awful life anyone could imagine until two years ago when I met my soulmate and I knew love and happiness for the first time.  I am so worried because he will not handle it well if I die and I am thinking if only I had not met him now.  I feel so responsible for making him unhappy and breaking his heart.  He cries all the time when I try to make him promise me that he will get on with living his life if I am gone.

I am not ready for this and I am not ready to face what I will inevitably face.  I do not want to die this way.  I have already had miracles in my life.  What are the chances I can have one more?

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  • squidwitch42
    squidwitch42 Member Posts: 2,228
    edited December 2010

    shaah,

    Don't give up yet please! I hear your pain, and your joy at meeting your soulmate. You have a lot to live for, and I see MANY women kickin' it and living lives in spite of their recurring cancer. Trust me in this. I know there will be more ladies to come in and give you hope, and to help you see how strong you are. I am not sure what has been said to you by your oncologist or prognosis, but honestly? You can NEVER put a timeline on someone's will. I also want to suggest a support group for you both, so that you can have open dialogue on how to best care for each other's needs and emotions. He cries because he loves you, and that's our human condition. A nice condition to have, Love. So I am sending you positive thoughts, and please stick around for some of the Warriors on this board to come give you some Sisterly Love.

    Traci

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  • shaah2468
    shaah2468 Member Posts: 72
    edited December 2010

    Thank you for your reply Traci.  To be honest I don't have a complete diagnosis or prognosis of my current recurrance because I don't want to hear it.  When I see my consultant I tell her not to say anything to me except to discuss treatment.  My head does not need to know too much.

    Yes please if you could suggest a support group that would be good.  Love back to you.

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  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited December 2010

    You should want to know...if continues to be a local recurrence, you are not stage iv terminal.  It sounds like they have all been local recurrences and that is not a death sentence.  Treat and be done with it.

    No node involvement - you have excellent opportunites..why are you talking to him about when you die?  You have got the cart before the horse...wait until the horse is hitched up and see where you are going. 

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