DEPRESSION,ANXIETY,LOSS OF SUPPORT

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I AM CURRENTLY  STILL IN THE RECONSTRUCTION PHASE OF MY RECOVERY AND ALL MY SUPPORT NETWORK IS GONE. I ALSO WENT THROUGH A DIVORCE RIGHT BEFORE MY DX OF BC. SOMEDAYS I WONDER WHY I WENT THROUGH ALL THE SURGERY AND CHEMO FOR. I ALSO HAVE A HX OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE SO I'M TREATED AS A DRUG SEEKER WHENEVER I NEED SOMETING FOR ANXIETY OR FOR PAIN. HAS ANYONE OUT THERE BEEN IN THIS POSITION?    HELP ME PLEASE I FEEL I AM  THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WITH THIS KIND OF SITUATION.

Comments

  • Houndmommy
    Houndmommy Member Posts: 377
    edited November 2010

    Kimberly,

    I don't have any advice but wanted to send you a cyber hug.

    I hope someone will chime in who can offer some advice.

    Kim

  • KIMBERLY09
    KIMBERLY09 Member Posts: 29
    edited November 2010

    THANK U TO HOUNDMOMMY FOR THE HUG IT MEANS A GREAT DEAL TO ME JUST TO BE TO BE THOUGHT OF BY ONE OTHER HUMAN BEING AT THIS POINT.

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited November 2010

    Thinking of you Kimberly and sending prayers, love and support!  You are not alone! xo

  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited November 2010

    Kimberly, sending you calming thoughts and prayers. Karen

  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited November 2010

    Kimberly, Thinking about you, remember you are never alone we are here 24/7.

  • joh
    joh Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2010

    You are not the only one. And I'm sorry you are also alone. Probably don't need to hear my story but it's similar. My ex divorced me right before my April 2010 diagnosis of bc. I think the stress of the divorce brought on the bc. My kids are both grown and I have no family. I even lost my job. There are friends who help me if it is 'convenient' for them. But they are getting tired of me being fatigued and sad all the time.

    When my onc tried to put me on Femara after rad therapy I got so many side effects I ended up in the Emerg. Rm. So I've been left to drift without anti-hormone meds to help prevent a recurrence. Feeling pretty miserable as I have zero energy and the Femara side effects are still wearing off. Lots of bone pain. But nobody wants to be around someone who used to be a lot of fun and who is now miserable.

    Some of us with bc are just in deep holes without anyone to throw down a rope. I have a counselor and she's not much help either. Docs just want to put you on pills, pills and more pills. I am so sensitive to meds that I am stuck home dealing with side effects.

    Not sure this kind of life is worth living.

  • Laurie_R
    Laurie_R Member Posts: 262
    edited November 2010

    Kimberly,

    I know where you are comeing from as I too was a drug user although it's been 10 yrs since I've done any drugs without a script andnow only take them as perscribed.

    Have you thought about seeing a shrink, I'm not suggesting that you are crazy, but it might help to talk to a professional and if needed she/he could prescribe something for depression.  I take Effexor for my depression.  

    I too am alone for most of this journey, although my sister has been there for me and is my rock throughout this trip.

    Please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can come here and vent anytime you need to.

    Laurie

  • molly52
    molly52 Member Posts: 389
    edited November 2010

    Hi Kimberly,

    More cyber hugs to you.  You are really going through a rough patch - I am sorry.  

    I agree with Laurie_R - about seeing a professional.  Your hospital should have a social worker.   They are very helpful in many ways - besides being able to talk to them, they are also experienced in navagating the system.  Your oncologist should be able to put you in touch with them.

     
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2010

    Kimberly- The sad thing is you are not alone.  So many people think that once your MX is done then your treatment is done.  They don't understand about possible chemo, rads or reconstruction and the fact we may still need some help.  Most of my support system went completely MIA within a month of my MX as well.  Luckily, I found this site or I think I would have gone crazy!  

    I'm sorry you're being treated as a drug seeker because you're trying to find relief from the pain and anxiety.  I think women in general are treated like we're just supposed to suck it up.  (I actually saw one women whose BS refused to prescribe anything for her after her MX and said all she needed was Advil.  Good thing I didn't know where that man lived!)  Just wanted to say you're not alone and we're all here for you.  Molly had some great advice contacting the social worker at the hospital.  They can definitely point you in the right direction.  I also heard the American Cancer Society's Reach to Recovery program will put you in touch with a volunteer in your area- someone who has had the same kind of cancer or treatment that you have.  The volunteer will call or visit- whatever you need.  Good luck- (((Hugs))) 

  • blessings51
    blessings51 Member Posts: 12
    edited November 2010

    Hi kimberly

    Sorry about what your going through and I can truely say and hope that you would be willing to open up your bible and just start reading in the New Testament.  I have learned that life is not a bed of roses and we have to be grateful and take our adversities and use them to help and bless others. In time i pray you feel better. 

    I hope your in recovery from your addiction led u to find a home group and sponsor, also I joined a support group to meet women face-to-face like me and hear their stories of survival and living. 

    This website is also the greatest thing that ever happen to me.

    You will see light at the end of the rainbow, our thinking can contribute to depression. I pushed through those feelings of depression. I also have a therapist for support.

    God Bless You

    God Bless

  • mrsnjband
    mrsnjband Member Posts: 1,409
    edited November 2010

    Sending a {{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}

    I am sorry you had to join this club.

    Can you find another doctor who won't treat you this way?

    I am learning through this journey to trust my gut, so if I have doubts, I ask questions.

    Fired rad doctor about ready to fire chemo doctor.  So hang in there!

  • funsizejen
    funsizejen Member Posts: 93
    edited November 2010
    Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.  Anyone would feel anxious and depressed with all you've been through.  Please ask your oncologist if he or she can recommend an oncology social worker.  Hopefully, this would help you get through the cancer issues.    Be gentle with yourself.  You've had an awful lot to deal with in a short time, and things WILL get better in time!
  • KansasKay
    KansasKay Member Posts: 33
    edited November 2010

    Kimberly - When I thought I was loosing my mind, the thing that saved me was Gilda's Club.  It has a variety of support groups and I tried several until I found a group of women that made a BIG difference in my life.  It didn't change the lack of support from people I thought were my friends but it did give me someone who actually understood what I was dealing with.  There were some in a couple of the groups that were just a little too positive for me.  I am not what would be described as a "glass half full" type of person - more the questioning/half empty type.  When I found the right group, I could be just how I am and no more pretending!  We are dealing with enough without the positive attituders jumping on us.  Also, many of the anti-depressants will reduce the activity of Tamoxifen.  If they are going slap you on these drugs with out doing the genetic test to see if you metabolize Tamoxifen normally, then they are doing you a disservice.  I just took a survey on this site which talks about this.  I had to force my doctor to let me have the one test I actually wanted to take.  Go to the MayoClinic site to read further info.  I hope you have a Gilda's Club near you and you find people who will help you with these feelings.  Take care, Kay

  • KIMBERLY09
    KIMBERLY09 Member Posts: 29
    edited August 2013

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING TO MY REQUEST FOR HELP AND SUPPORT! YOU ALL WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH IT HELPED JUST KNOWING I AM NOT ALONE! I DO HAVE A COUNSELOR NOW AND HAVE SEEN HER A COUPLE OF TIMES BUT NOW I AM HAVING TROUBLE FINDING TRANSPORTATION TO AND FROM APPTS. ALWAYS SOMETHING. HA. HA.  I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO KNOW JUST HOW WE ARE SUPPOSED TO PICK UP AND JUST "BE NORMAL" AGAIN AFTER SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED TO OUR BODIES. MY OWN MOTHER SAID TO ME YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER ANYMORE KIM SO GET OVER IT! GEEZ SOME SUPPORT. ANYONE ELSE HAVE SIMILAR SITUATION?

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited December 2010

    Hi Kim

    I had problems with transportation...lots of problems...you must be in treatment to get transportation.call the hospital that you are going to and tell them your problem...its out there..you just have to spend a lot of time on the phone. start with the American Cancer Soc.and also Avon...also your local churches and transit Auth.

    i wish you the best of luck.God bless you.

    huggggggggggggggggs

    K

  • Barbcard2
    Barbcard2 Member Posts: 71
    edited December 2010

    I empathize with you completely. Grown kids live faraway, likewise my few remaining friends. Ex- husband doesn't give a damn.  Though our bitter divorce took place almost 20 years ago, I'm wondering if it somehow helped trigger the cancer.  Meanwhile, all I can say to you and myself is hang in there.  Sorry I can't be more positive, but I've never been one of those "rah rah" types.  Good luck and let's keep in touch.

  • KIMBERLY09
    KIMBERLY09 Member Posts: 29
    edited August 2013

    Thank u so much Barbcard2 for your response. It is greatly appreciated. Boy oh boy have i gotten myself in a pickle though. i am now livin with my ex because i have no where else to go. i have applied for disability but have not heard a decision yet and i have no place else to go. He is not caring and not supportive just says he will let me stay for our 11 yo daughter, more like i am his slave for household chores and whatever else is on his agenda. Please don't say go somewhere else cuz it's below zero out and i have NO where to go. so i continue to see my therapist and cross my fingers.   Bless this site cuz i'm not all right.

  • hellome
    hellome Member Posts: 41
    edited August 2013

    If it helps any I have anxiety and often feel like I am being treated like I am "drug seeking." This included both times I had surgery and the pain lasted longer than perhaps was typical. I knew the pain was real so did some research and found that I could increase the dosage I was taking for my anxiety, which helped reduce my pain. And while you may not be in a position to all of a sudden start taking anti anxiety medication, there are some natural supplements that have a similar effect. Some that I read about were St. Johns Wort and Valerian. Topically even a lotion that had St. Johns Wort (Burt's Bees Soothingly Sensitive Aloe & Buttermilk Body Lotion) seemed to help after my wounds healed.  Trying to recall what I read, I think the jist of it was that my nerves were hypereacting in a sense and sending more pain signals than they should. So working on calming my nerves helped a lot. And no, none of my doctors suggested this to me, it was all based on my own web research.But I did clear it with my primary care doc who increased my dose for the anti anxiety medication.

    Also worth noting is that a few months ago I started taking an anti-depressant for the first time in over a decade, and it has really helped a lot. With a whole bunch of other stuff going on in my life (mostly financially) there are many days lately when I say "Thank goodness for Celexa" lol. Good luck!

  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited December 2010

    Kimberly...It was March of 1998 when I finally left an abusive marriage - it was toward the end of that summer that I found my lump and November, my obgyn confirmed it was likely bc.  I was treated somewhat similar back then - at stage iv now - I have no issues getting any meds I need.  I was able to get with a very good physician that put me on xanax during the period of the end of my marriage - for 13 years, I took it daily and not ever for fun.  I stopped as I was concerned about the 'addiction' and it was the dumbest thing I ever did.  In December of 2009, I got back on a regime of Effexsor and xanax and pain management after 3 month of constant crying after my mets dx in 09/2009.  All low doses and I take them exactly as prescribed - no more, no less except on an occassional day when I overdo, I may add 1 pain pill. 

    The recommendation to get assistance in the anti depressants and anti anxiety meds would be to seek out a psychiatrist that specializes in mental health for bc patients.  Even with your history, that does not mean you are not in need of some assistance and going through professional avenues will likely result in getting the help you really need.  You may find they will limit the amounts and will require to see you regularly - but you will get what you need to help you through this.  As far as over the counter supplements - I would be very careful with St. John's Wort...it is contraindicated with some treatments - if you are going to take Tamoxifin or another anti-hormonal for preventative measures for a recurrence, I would highly recommend speaking with your onc before taking it.  Valeriun Root, on the other hand, does not seem to have any contraindications but better to check with the onc - it helps with sleeping and SleepyTime tea Extra has it in it and is quite nice for a before bed calming. 

    Your support group needs an education big time - cancer can be the 'gift' that keeps on giving - surgical removal CAN get it all and you will never have to face it again.  However, there is no cure and I do not say this to scare you - be forever vigilant with your body, listen to it - if you think something is amiss, get it checked out - you are not being a hypocondriac - it is much better to know that it is something 'normal' than to ignore it.  Live again - just be vigilant. 

    You have found an entire 'support group' here - while we may only exist in cyber-space for you - I could never have gotten through my mets dx without these folks.  I was 10 1/2 years cancer-free - now I have mets to the bone only and that is where my treatment team and I intend to keep it!

    Sending you cyber hugs...BTW - where do you live?  I see you mention sub-zero - I am in the frozen upper north mid west in Minnesnowta...if you are near here, I may be able to direct you to a more local agency that can help you with transportation and stuff.

    Hugs...LowRider 

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