July 2010 Rads

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

 Tracye, thinking about you and hope all is well and you are healing.

Julie,  will be thinking of you as you work through your sister's things.  Take time to enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner and desserts too.

Karen,  Glad the mamo is done.  Try to relax while you're waiting.  I think Brenda is right, the rads did some damage and there is lots of scar tissue from that and surgery. 

Brenda,  good idea I've been wanting to see Billy Elliott here in Chicago, but it would be fun to see it in London.  My son is sooooo excited to go.  I am too, and really feel this trip is going to end the year on such a positive note.

Kim, best for NORMAL results from your tests.  Let us know how it goes on Friday.  Smiled at your dream.  I've had some crazy ones this week too.  I woke myself up physically kicking and realized I was dreaming about kicking the locker in the rads changing room (the darn things never had the little token you needed to lock them, but I didn't think I had pent up frustration over it funny and weird.

Sonia and Chicago, hope your trips are going well and you're relaxing and enjoying them.

Hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving (or a happy Thursday if you're in Canada).  I'm thankful we have this group to share and rant with!  Take care.  Donna.

Hi Ladies Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving (to those of you in the states that is) -

Vacation was fantastic.  It was an all inclusive resort so lots of buffets. . . not having control over my food caused my some anxiety but I kept telling myself that anxiety is also bad for me and I'd get back on track when I got home.  I was also nervous watching all the coverage about the pat downs. . .I was so nervous that I was going to get pulled aside because my left breast feels like a brick. . . luckily I didn't get patted at all, whew!

Kim - I feel like my area is getting tighter again too.  I thought it was from my expansions but the skin is all tight.  Feels like the iron bra all over again.  I go between feeling like I should just calm down and wait for it to improve and pissed that it isn't better yet.  Exercise totally makes my chest hurt more. . .I was able to do 50+ pushups and now even doing a few means I'll pay for it the next few days.  I keep thinking I should try PT but I just can't muster up the energy to start a whole new regimen I have to stick with.  You're dream is too funny, btw! 

Karen - my mammo said the same thing even though it is was only an image of my non-BC breast.  I bet you are right that they don't make any declarations that something is "normal" for someone with our history.  Still seems pretty ambiguous. 

Donna - LOL at kicking the door in the Rads changing room. . .stupid tokens are always gone or didn't work anyway.  I may have told the techs on my last day that I would see the gowns in hell.  ;-)

Julie - I hope your Thanksgiving was peaceful and relaxing. 

Tracye - hope all is well.

Kim,

Thanks for the note - I appreciate it! My appointment was a bit unsatisfactory. I picked up the mammogram films right before to take to the surgeon and a copy of the full report is in there. The report totally freaked me out, because it did verify that it was BIRADS 3 and that my breast density could "markedly elevate" the risk of false negatives. What is disturbing is that it already lists the false negative rate as possibly being as high as 25% - if my breast density "markedly elevates" that, isn't that almost to the point of flipping a coin "head you have cancer, tails you don't"?

When I was first diagnosed, the mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI ALL MISSED that there was also DCIS - only found when they did the lumpectomy. The surgeon acknowledged that it is possible that there is more DCIS that is not showing up on tests, but he recommended that we do another mammogram in 6 months and see if there are any changes. He tried to be reassuring and he looked at the mammogram films himself and thought what they were seeing was radiation-related changes (the word "calcification" was used in the report and that scares me, too).

I even talked to him about a possible propllyactic mastectomy. I don't want to make any drastic decisions, but if my breasts are so dense that mammograms aren't catching problems, that makes me REALLY anxious. I'm trying to just accept the surgeon's reassurances, but I certainly would have preferred a BIRADS 1 mammogram. I see the oncologist in January, and I'm going to get his opinion on it, too. So I guess I'm in the "watchful waiting" phase for the next few months.

I can't swear I won't be asking total strangers to feel my breasts and see if they find any lumps!! Yeesh - I really hate cancer.

Karen

Hi Everyone,

Well I have been in a whirlwind of travel and am finally home. India was pretty crazy - very intense, chaotic, challenging, noisy, sad, and amazing. Hong Kong was a giant shopping mall but had an amazing experience there seeing a Giant Buddha and visiting a monestary. Had a number of incredibly cool experiences and saw amazing dieties from 7th century carved into cave walls, boat trip on the arabian sea,  beautiful temples, ancient cities. I kept thinking about how amazing it was that all these things exisited before us and how insignificant we all really are. Made me feel really grateful and lucky when travelling in India. In comparison to what women have to deal wth there - I felt really lucky. I ate anything I felt would be safe in India - absolutely no fresh vegetabels and fruit - didn't feel guilty but had to keep reminding myself that I wouldn't die of cancer from a couple of weeks of normal eating.

Then, On the way home I started to have anxiety and am now feeling the chronic presence of it in my body. The triggar - I have a breast MRI on the 13th and feeling terrified. Mad that I let myself be roped into an appointment before Christmas and also feel like it will just be like the last one with areas that need to be checked out. Now that I've read about your recent mammo experiences -  I am feeling like I am going to have to deal with similar experiences - things hanging over my head for another 6 months. I have had no check-ups since finishing treatment and haven't had a mamo since diagnosis. I keep thinking I should be getting one but know that an MRI is more than enough. Do you guys think I should also get a mammo as well? God I hate this - I'm with you Karen - I HATE CANCER - please go away and don't come back - it really is such a downer. I just want to forget and just when I've started to feel better - I started to run into follow-up appointments in my day timer. I have a chronic knot in my gut. 

I really missed all of you and I am so sorry to hear about your pain Tracye - I hope the procedure will set you up for less problems and that your health/body heals very soon. Glad to hear your reports are positive Kim. I know this stuff is really so hard for all of you - but thank-you for being here and being a part of my support team. I couldn't wait to get on here tonight and read your posts. Sending you all hello, thank-god your here hugs!

Sonia 

Hi  all,

 Tracye,  I am sorry it has been such an ordeal,  I hope it will be worth it and that you recover quickly.

Kim,  glad things checked out okay,  I am being checked for anemia too.   I am hoping that would explain the fatigue.

Karen,  Yikes what a worry,  this cancer is like a shadow that is always there.   I understand why you are thinking that way,  it is hard to balance the fear with what is best,  so much is unknown and that is way tougher to deal with.  I had to laugh about the total strangers comment. 

Okay funny story time,  we are meeting friends for dinner tomorrow who are also dealing with BC,   my husband worked with the lady and when we were in Belgium bought some chocolate boobs for her.   Normally,  I wouldn't have approved, but what the heck,   anyway,  we got them out and one travelled well and the other is a little smooshed.  Is that not reflective of life, LOL.    

Welcome back Sonia,  glad you had such a great experience,   it sounds most amazing,  I hope you had the stamina to enjoy it.   I am wishing I could take off right now,  but with work I can't.  Did you have to take a leave or do they let you take holidays at different times. 

 but you are right it never ends...  I am sorry you are having such a tough time,  I think all these appointments bring it back,   I have gotten really teary  after seeing the therapist,  I think the reality is starting to seep in.  I ordered a book she recommended on the emotional affects called picking up the pieces,  so I will let you know how it is. .  I am told I am doing well,  but at times it doesn't feel like it. 

 I really think my Give  a S is permanently broken.   I just don't want to make any wrong decisions. 

Chicago, glad you had a nice break,   it sounds warm and relaxing.  /We just got approved for Nexus so border crossings should be better,   I had read about a lady that was hassled about her prosthesis, yikes!!!!

I am feeling a bit like I am spinning my wheels waiting to get on with MY life,   and yet the problem is things are NOT the same,  it wasn't an appendectomy... 

Wishing you peace and joy,  thanks for being there!!!  Again I wish my more of my in person friends got it like you do.

Brenda

Hi Julie - I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.  I know that no one ever promised life is fair, just seems like some people (usually the good ones) get way more bad stuff than others.  Sounds like you've had more than your share this year.  Yes, I did have tubes, ovaries and uterus removed abdominally.  Never had surgery in my life and now two in five monthsl.  Crazy.  Obviously can't take HRT, so I'll just have to see how that goes.  What did you find was the hardest part of having a hysterectomy? 

Oh, one other thing, I wasn't scheduled for a mammo till 6 months but I had that sudden swelling over 24 hours so surgeon sent me for u/s and mammo. 

 So good to be back with you lovely ladies and catching up.  I MUST get out of this house, so I think I'm going to beg my DH to take me to the grocery store or ANYWHERE tomorrow .  Today is two weeks exactly, should be okay to go out, right??

Love and hugs to all, Tracye

Hi Everyone,

Tracye,  so good to hear from you.  Sorry you had to go through this and hope you continue to feel better every day.  When I had my c-section, getting out and walking in the fresh air marked my turning point. Good idea to get out to the store. 

I really feel for those of you who have had questionable mammos and those that are awaiting your follow-up tests.  The anticipation is so stressful.  I have mine on Wed, but don't get in to see the BS until the following week.  Seems I'm feeling every ache and pain and with each am convincing myself that the hated cancer is still lurking somewhere within me.  Karen, I totally understand your thinking of the prophylactic mastectomy, it's on my list to ask about and constantly think I haven't been aggressive enough.

Had a nightmare week travelling to Dublin and got stuck in a snow storm which closed their airport (really it was just a few inches but they don't have much snow removal equipment).  All the running through airports and lugging my bags and the flights and delays really effected my arm.  Didn't hurt during the trip but yesterday and today it's letting me know that I did too much.  Starting too to get more joint pain in my knee and hip.  Hope that's just from the 'T'.

Sonia, it's so true that when you're away you can almost forget, but getting home it all floods back.  I wish my follow ups weren't right before Christmas too.  Good luck with your MRI.

Cute story Brenda, let us know how she reacts!  Welcome home, Chicago.  Julie, take care of yourself.

Best for a good weekend.   Donna.

Karen - what does the BIRADS number mean?  Mine was a 5 on my path report when I was diagnosed but I didn't see anything about that on my most recent mammo.  I know how unsettling it can be to feel like you have to "wait and see" until another 6 month check.  You try to put it out of your mind until then but it isn't always easy. 

Tracy - SO glad to hear from you and I hope your venture out to the store wasn't too much on you.  I am sending you positive energy for a speedy recovery.  Don't let the daytime TV suck you in. . .before you know it you'll be Tivo'ing Maury to get all of the latest paternity results.  ;-)

Sonia - it sounds like your trip was fantastic and I am sorry there were so many mixed emotions waiting for you when you returned.  I don't blame you for not wanting follow up tests before the holidays.  I've had the mammo and the MRI at different points through this process and I have to say they both have their pros and cons.  I had the same experience as you did with the food on vacation. . . didn't have my normal options and tried not to have too much anxiety about it.

Brenda - LOL about the chocolate boobs!  I tend to find that my sense of humor as it relates to boobs has changed quite a bit . . . I've found myself making jokes I never would have approved of previously. 

Julie - My mammo was also from my diagnosis so perhaps your timing is correct.  Although mine was on the non-BC breast only.  Doesn't hurt to push the new Onc or anyone else for that matter if you feel like it is too long to wait. 

Donna - UGH talk about travel hell!  I hate being stuck in the airport.  I am having so much joint pain lately too!  It is in a knee that I have had aches and pains in before but I feel like lately it is constant.  Also - all of the stretches and exercises the physical  therapist taught me when I went a few years ago don't work anymore. 

The pain in my BC/rads breast has been getting worse lately for some reason.  It isn't even that intense. . .just feels like constant aching.  I see my oncologist and my breast surgeon tomorrow for a follow up .  I am hoping for some clarity on my mammo and some answers about this pain.  I see the PS on Friday to get another 20 CC's and discuss my next steps.  I need to eventually make a call on doing the swap surgery or doing the swap + the lat flap.  Just feels like it NEVER ENDS!

Hope all of you in cold areas are keeping warm . . .it is FREEZING here in Chicago!

Tracey-Glad you are resting, a total HYST is hard on the body, but in 6 weeks you will be as good as gold.

 Chicago-Wonder what all the pain is from, I get shooting pains from time to time and my breast has been swollen---Glad you are seeing the Dr and hopefully they will say its "NORMAL" healing...:)

Its so cold here in Chicago-I really need to move and be by an ocean....My old body can't take the cold anymore...

Jim and I are leaving for the B&B for two days and guess what girls, I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION and feel like crap, I just can't believe this.  I've been praying to my sister and mom for two days asking them to help me feel better, hopefully they can hear me and answer my prayer to them...:)  My sister Beth also is sick, I think we got sick at my sister's when cleaning out all that stuff, DUST everywhere....

I see my Onc next week, I was suppost to start that pill "F" I will on Monday I've been putting it off as I just don't want to deal with all the SF and I look at it this way, "A pill is not going to stop God when he wants you"....But I will try it...

I just read about Elizabeth, breaks my heart....I hate BC....

Hugs to all and stay WARM

Julie

Hi all,

Julie - sorry to hear you have a sinus infection right before your trip. Hope you have a quick recovery!

Sonia - I can sooooo relate to feeling like you won't ever feel safe again. I am very sick of being afraid - I can talk myself out of it in the daytime usually, but not so good at night. Elizabeth Edwards' death really tore me up - it's odd but I've cried more about her than I did about my own diagnosis - guess it's just all spilling out now. Follow-up tests are nerve-wracking. We're all here for you and sending lots of hugs your way. I think getting the crap scared out of us a few times a year is just part of our "new normal".

Best wishes to everyone,

Karen

Hi everyone,

The news about Elizabeth Edwards is so sad and has been very hard to take. I cried too and had to walk away from some office conversations when everyone was buzzing about it.

Sonia, thanks for sharing your feelings, we're with you and feel the same things.  Hugs and positive thoughts out to you while you wait for your test.

Had my mammo yesterday.  Very disappointed that they only did the BC side.  Anyway took 27 painful views, concentrating on an area where I had a lumpectomy (DX benign fibroendoma) about 10 years ago. Totally freaked out by it.  The quick report says findings with a high probability of being benign and recommends repeating in 3 months.

I don't see the BS until next week, so I'm just going to try to park that inconclusive news until then.

Chicago, let us know how your follow-up went.  Hope all went well.

Very cold and snowy tonight here.  Stay warm.  Donna.