Recovery-1 yr out plus

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nextstepsfromhere
nextstepsfromhere Member Posts: 26
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

It has been over a year since chemo ended, the double m took place, the BRCA II diagnosis, the total hysterectomy, and the radiation.  I am on aromasin.  I have done all that I know possible.  Most days I am positive and outgoing, but I still have this feeling of "doom".  I think about what will happen ifI get sick again, what will happen when I die (who will take care of the kids, etc...)...WHEN DOES THIS GO AWAY?  This is not me!  I try to live it up, keep going, keep enjoying...but these thoughts linger in my mind. How do you get rid of such thinking?

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  • maltomlin
    maltomlin Member Posts: 343
    edited November 2010

    Hi there

    I guess we all relate to the 'feeling of doom' I certainly do BUT not as often now after two and a half years.

    We all put on 'a face' to other people pretending that's it's all over and done with (cos that's what they want to hear) but the reality is very different.

    I suppose I came to the realisation that if it did come back (which is a strong possibility) then I didn't want to have wasted a minute. I didn't want to look back and think that I'd wasted the intervening time worrying when I should have been making the most of life.

    I still have some 'down'  days, when I feel really sorry for myself, but have more 'up'days when I think how lucky I am, how great the family are etc

    In answer to your question, I don't think you can ever get rid of the thoughts entirely but they do get fewer and further apart.

    Make the most of NOW.

    Mal x

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  • nextstepsfromhere
    nextstepsfromhere Member Posts: 26
    edited November 2010

    Hi.  Thanks for your response.  Yes I do try to tell myself to live in now...it is just creepy to have these "negative" or conflicting types of thoughts.  I do hope that they decrease with time.  Thanks.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited November 2010

    For me .. those thoughts never completely go away.  I'm 3 1/2 years past treatment.  The thoughts become less and less as we stay involved in our daily lives ... but I still worry from time to time that it will come back, and if it does, how will I handle it.

    Sending you a hug,

    Bren

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  • nextstepsfromhere
    nextstepsfromhere Member Posts: 26
    edited November 2010

    Thank you much!  Once I finally felt stronger (2 months ago) I left my husband...it was to the point that I could not take another minute and I did not care what happened...of course now the reality sets in that I will lose insurance, have kids, etc...but he has made no effort at all--even since I left--to make things any better.  I just keep praying, but it is awful to feel good one minute and then be reminded that I have a disease that comes back and that kills people...yuk!  It is just hard some days.  Geesh, I wish the thoughts would leave.  I love my life and my kids and just want to be around to watch them grow up - they are 3, 5 and 19...I don't want to leave any of them!  Thanks Bren!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2010

    How could you not have those thoughts with all that you, and your body, have been through especially with kids and now being a single mom?  That would be a lot for anybody!  But you've shown your strength, not only by getting through treatment, but by leaving a marriage you knew wasn't healthy for you.  That takes a lot of guts anytime but especially now because it would be so easy to cling to the familiar.  I don't know you- but I admire you that you were able to take that leap.  I think we all worry about recurrence but I think it will fade with each passing year.  All we can do is try to be the healthiest we can- physically and emotionally.

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