**NEW** Starting Chemo March 2009

Just stopping by to say HI to my girls!! I don't come on here very much anymore. My nephew with the brain cancer will have his last radiation treatment on Friday, then he will be all done!! Aside from MRI's every 3 months. Take care everyone!

I'm not totally sure why I'm off Tamoxifen. I took it for 6 months but stopped a month into my hike bc I thought it might be causing the extreme fatigue/joint pain  that was keeping me from hiking well (It wasn't.) Also- I had to switch antidepressant meds from Wellbutrin (I've taken for 9 years) to Pristiq (basically same thing as Effexor) bc of CYPD26 metabolic pathway interference. Pristiq worked for me, but not as well as the Wellbutrin. And I had sexual side effects from Pristiq and/or Tamoxifen.

I can get aroused, but just can't quite get over the top- frustrating. I'm 37 now, I'd only been married 6 months when I was diagnosed, my sex life is important to me. Fortunately, we had already made the decision not to have kids, so that doesn't play into it as it does for some people. My Dh had a vasectomy 3 weeks after after my mx since I couldn't take the pill anymore.

 so I switched back to Wellbutrin in June, then when I came home from the trail I decided I was just tired of drugs, all of em. Tapered off, then got a bunch of blood work done- which showed I was low enough on serotonin that antidepressants might now help that much anyway. (And I do know that Wellbutrin is not an SSRI- it works on norepinehrine and dopamine, but if I'm low in one neurotransmittter, its likely I'm low in others as well) So I'm taking a supplement called 5-HTP that is supposed to help increase neruotransmitters, as well as taking Vitamin D3 (also very low). I do feel a difference, but I am still struggling mentally. I would love to be off any drugs, but I'm not sure I can do it, I'm just in a rut mentally. I sort of feel paralyzed by indecison, I thought going off drugs felt like the right thing to do but now I'm not sure.

so the taking or not taking of Tamox plays into all that- I am taking a breast health formula supplment that includes IC3 and DIM which is kind of a natural Tamoxifen/AI. Taking Tamox would give me about 5-6% in protection over recurrence over 5 years- and I was very highly ER+. Fwiw, I was on the pill for 8 years prior to dx.

I have thought about giving Tamox another try, I really didn't have horrible SE's like some do and I did have the test to show I am a normal metabolizer of it.  I am waiting on BRCA test results (my insurance at dx wouldn't pay for it, now I have one that will). I suspect I may come back in the category of unknown variant (which is ambiguous- maybe your gene causes cancer, maybe it doesn't).

 I know there is something going on genetically on my dad's side- he just has one brother so no aunts, and I am the only daughter ,but Dad's mom had bilateral bc, one of dad's first cousins had bc at 47, her daughter at 50, my dad's great aunt died of bc in the 1950's and I think another of his first cousins also died of bc.

I am considering an ooph if it comes back positive or perhaps anyway- a lot of my depression is triggered my hormone swings, as well as my LE is triggered by monthly fluid retention - i wouldn't miss any of that and having an ooph (ovary removal) can give similar protection to taking tamox.

I know I've rambled here to answer a simple question- I've been really paralyzed on making any sort of decision-thanks for listening.

Dayla: I hope you get some resolution soon.Like Francine said...you are so young to be dealing with so much.  I hate taking pills too. My mother was a prescription drug abuser so I always worry about taking anything. But now I think if I have to take stuff to improve my QOL then I am willing. Tamoxifen SE's haven't been easy for me. Especially the mood swings...very up and down. I love the up...it's the down that is so distressing. I am thinking of trying effexor. I know a lot of women have had good success with it so I am going to see my doc about it. What the hell...if it gets me through the darker days then I'm all for it. Good luck and I sure hope you feel better soon.

Francine: Glad you enjoyed a good day with your delightful granddaughter.

Weather is beautiful here again today....gotta love the sunshine!

Hugs

Beth P

Dayla: I wish I had something helpful to say. You're right that seeing a therapist would be good. It dawned on me that you said you had the trip to focus on and maybe now that's it's over, all of the unattended emotions of BC and others are surfacing. I was very  down after treatment and I think it's because I had treatment to focus on. Once that was over everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I think that's normal. Possibly yours is a wee bit delayed due to your trip. Also being predisposed to depression would just add to it. Last December I was really feeling overwhelmed. I went to a therapist and it helped sooo much.I do hope you get counselling and some relief soon.

Thinking of you

Hugs

Beth P

I did make an appt to see a therapist- four apts actually-  three next week. going to do some shopping. its so hard to pick a name off a website and try to know who you'll be able to connect with. All along I assumed my insurance would only cover it if there was substance abuse problem- turns out they totally cover it- unlimited. Why the hell didn't I go three months ago?

 .

The book sounds good Framcine. I'll check into it. It seems a few of us sought the help of a thrapist and it's so nice to know we have someone to go back to.

Dayla: Good for you girl! Being fully covered for it is great news too. I'm sure you'll find someone that puts you at ease and that you are comfortable with.

Hugs

Beth P

Hi Ladies,

Bethr..Glad to hear from you as always. Thanks for your honesty ...What a great thing this board is.

Dayla..I do hope you make a good connection this week with a therapist..I aggree with Beth you do articulate so well.

Well ladies my DH and I are on the road again. This time we are going to the Galapagos Islands  .I have always wanted to go since I was a child. I will be gone a week. We fly to Ecuador first then on to the Galapagos to board a small ship. Can't wait.

Hope all stay well ..

Hugs,

Francine

Francine

Hi Ladies,

BethP.. We are going to Florida tomorrow morning and staying overnight with friends. Then Monday we fly from Miami to Quito Ecuador. Then day after we fly to the Galapagos.

Will be thinking of all my BCO friends.

Have a great week ladies.

Hugs,

Francine

I so want to be Francine when I grow up!!! Loving all the trips.

Bethr- thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. I made 4 appts- shopping for a therapist, had the first one yesterday, I wasn't really impressed with her. In some ways I feel like I am way ahead-  pretty much know what my hang ups are, I just don't know how to get past them. I didn't have that horrible of a childhood- wasn't abused- just mostly ignored and left to fend for myself so I learned to swallow a lot of feelings and just deal the best I could. I have a lot of unresovlved anger and I think that had caused my lifelong depression which I have managed with meds- I tried to go off them and I can't- recently went back on.

 But on a more exicting note- had a unused flight credit I had hoped to sell to my mom- but she can't use it- so next week, DH and I are going back to the Applachian trail again for 9 days outside the DC area in MD/VA - so I've had that to focus on for the last few days, arranging riides with friends in the area. So I'm looking forward to getting back out there, perhaps getting some closure on this year's journey.

Not as cool as going to the Galapagos Francine!!

Hi All,

Dayla - Your trip sounds great!  I hope you have a great time!

Francine - I hope you're enjoying your trip....

All - If you have the chance take a look at Tanasha's pics on FB.  Tanasha, you look great!  I'm so happy for you!

 Have a great day all,

 Beth

Oh...I am sooo ready for a trip!

Hope Francine is having an awesome time.  I wish I had the time (and money!) to travel like her..:)

Dayla, Glad to hear you get to revisit the trail.  Maybe a short trip with no major committment will leave you feeling good!  I have been hiking on the weekends and really love how I feel when done.  It's great spending time outdoors, in the quiet, with nature and my family....so peaceful!

Doc wants me to switch to Tamox.  Higher BP and cholestrol.  I've gained weight and think that has a lot to do with it.  Back to Planet Fitness, watching what I eat, and getting myself healthy again.  I've been putting this off for too long!

Take care all....

Hi All,

 I just wanted to pop in to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!  I'm extremely thankful for all of you. 

I hope it's a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend for all of you and a wonderful weekend for those of you who don't indulge in Turkey day!

All my best to you all!

 Beth

Hi ladies,

Been quite busy after returning home. Yes Beth I too feel good after going to the gym. My DH and I try to go whenever we can. Usually two to three times a week.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my BCO US friends.

Will post photos soon.

Hugs,

Francine

Beth,

Great analogy!  Gym and sex...

I am off to see the breast surgeon for a six month routine checkup. No fears but....

Will check in later.

Hugs

Francine