Anyone else really really hate pink ribbons?
Maybe it's just me but I feel like I'm constantly dodging the Pink Ribbon Brigade since my diagnosis. No matter how much I explain to them that I'm not interested in the marketing of breast cancer, people still send me pink ribbon swag. My response is "If you want to really help someone with breast cancer, it's a lot less helpful to wear a pink ribbon than to just go over and do that someone's laundry or housework."
I understand that people mean well, but holy crap - I really don't want any part of it and I can't seem to to make people understand that when they bring it up.
Additionally, my identity is not "breast cancer survivor". Why do people do this? I have athlete's foot every year but you wouldn't call me an athlete's foot survivor. I also had flesh-eating virus when I was fifteen which made me far sicker than the cancer (four weeks in the hospital, thanks!), but it's also not part of my identity. I actually get viscerally angry when I hear people refer to me as a "survivor" as though it's part of my name. To me, breast cancer was just a sickness I had. I am being treated for it and I had the sucker cut out. It might come back but until it does, it's simply not who I am.
I've had to stop talking to some people I've met online who had breast cancer because - DEAR GOD - it is all they ever talk about! One woman I know - it has been FIVE YEARS! Surely she has had other things happening in her life since then. I just couldn't take it anymore.
When I was first diagnosed, the very second thing that happened to me after I spoke with my breast surgeon was my being dragged into a room at the hospital where I guess they hold support group meetings, and meeting someone who started lecturing me about meditation and visualization and pink ribbon walks, and being handed a giant totebag full of cancer swag. I'm totally serious. The friend who accompanied me to this meeting was a little bit horrified on my behalf, especially since she knows me well and knows that this approach was something i would run screaming from. I felt like I was being mentally assaulted. Surely a better approach would be to not assume that everyone shares the same feeling about support groups and pink ribbons, etc.
Does anyone else feel this way? Am I the only one? I really don't mean to be insensitive but I feel like I can't be the only one who feels this way about the marketing of breast cancer.
Comments
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Oh do I EVER hate pink ribbons!!!! And Pinktober!!! And pink marketing!!! And the whole breast cancer brand industry!!! I second what Madalyn said about looking for those other threads where we all rant about the Stinkin' Pink. Two that come to mind offhand are "My pink problem" (IIRC it's in the Stage III forum) and "Pink: Not Just for Pepto-Bismol Anymore" (which is in the Moving Beyond Cancer one).
Welcome to the Pink Stinks club!
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When I was first diagnosed my dear Aunt sent me anything she could get her hands on that had a BC pink ribbon on it. I got to where I was dreading the mailman!
It has been a year since surgery and chemo finished a couple months ago. I still dread all the pink ribbons everywhere. I am spending most of October in the house...
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My breast cancer support group doesn't do the pink ribbon dance. When I first diagnosed they gave me a bag full of goodies I could use. In it was Ginger tea and hard candies for nausea, Soothing cremes for dry skin, magazines, a journal to write in, a comfy pillow etc, This was stuff I actually used in the hospital and during chemo. Nothing in the bag was pink.
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I actually dont mind it. I suppose because it makes me feel like I have support from somewhere, when in my day to day life I have very little. The pink stuff reminds me that Im not the only one, that other people even though they have no fucking idea what Ive been thru, and continue to go thru, do actually care and something is being done to find an answer to this disease.
I can understand your point of view, I know that there are two valid sides of the pink ribbon stuff. But I can see the good intentions behind it, and I like feeling like the pink ribbon is a symbol of a sisterhood that Im now part of, even though it's probably the hardest thing in the world to be part of. I hate what breast cancer has done to my life. The emotional side of it for me is the hardest. There is never a day it doesnt dominate most of my thinking. It's almost two and a half years since my diagnosis, and my treatment finished Jan 2009. I imagine that if Im still here five years from treatment, it will still dominate my life, and Ill be wanting people who understand to talk to about it - noone else understands. I guess it's true that other things happen in life...but I feel that nothing else that happens is quite like being told youve got an aggressive cancer, surgery to remove it, chemo, permanent brain damage from chemo in the form of memory and cognitive thinking damage, 6 weeks of radiation treatment, then being left with the hell of trying to put your soul back together when treatment ends, and other women who dont have a clue what youre going through expect you to go on as though nothing ever happened.
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I feel exactly the way you do. As I mentioned in another thread, they had pink toilet paper on the shelves this year. I didn't feel supported at all by that!
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I remember some 20 years ago when you could buy toilet paper in several different colours. Then it was discontinued for environmental reasons. So.....pink TP is okay? (Not in my book!!)
Ruby, women who have never experienced cancer DX and treatment will never understand. Remember how we felt before our own DX? I worked for several years with cancer patients and thought I knew a fair amount about this disease and how it might affect me if it should happen. Turns out I only knew a tiny fraction! I never knew how frightening waiting for a DX was and that the waiting was possibly the worst of the whole journey. I thought a mastectomy would be painful. It wasn't. I was petrified of chemo. I got through it. I never really accepted that an AI was going to age me much sooner than I would like. Still taking it and checking on wrinkles every day!
But, for all that, I refuse to wear the pink ribbon because I want to keep my DX private in my community becaue I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I feel the pink ribbon marks me (although logically speaking it doesn't). October is my birth month, so I like it for that reason (LOL) but it drives me crazy to see breast cancer used as a marketing tool to sell more products.
BTW, this website is such a gift!
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I am still a little wobbly about the whole thing. I knew I was adamant that I wasn't EVER putting a ribbon on my car from day one. I hated October for reminding me everywhere I looked that I am cancer girl and am mystified at some of the stronger reactions to it good and bad from women that have been dealing with this longer. I guess I will have to wait and see which stance I take when I am done ducking all the ribbons, shirts, frisbees and whatever else.
Several years ago I bought a pink messenger bag for my running gear. I love tht bag and it is a pink ribbon thing. Sometimes I look at it and wonder if things would have been different if I never bought it. Like it's the bag's fault!
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Perky--I know what you mean about your pink bag. About a year before my dx I bought a box of pink papermate pens (proceeds to BC research) not because of that, but because I liked how they wrote. I'm neurotic about pens and how they write. Plus nobody else had pink pens so I figured I could keep them around better. Anyway, I've wondered whether I should blame the pens or not. ha!
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Thank you so much for stating your feelings about the dreaded pink ribbons. I felt so horrible being so negative about a motion that is trying its best to support us and I just feel frustration and anger towards anything or anyone that comes anywhere near me with a pink ribbon. They just don't get it....this is so personal on so many levels.
Leigh
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I feel the same. I understand the importance of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but really, I'm aware enough, thanks. And I've got a coworker who used to pick up cancer pamphlets for me whenever she went to the hospital for an appointment. I know she was just trying to be nice, but still. Oh, and our mandatory staff meeting last month? "For Best Health, Remember Breast Health". Again, I totally understand the importance of such a training, but I think my boss should have at least talked to me about it and asked whether or not I'd feel comfortable attending. I though about approaching her about it, but I didn't want to make a big deal - I wanted to be okay with it. Instead, I sat way in the back and fought off tears and embarrassment through the whole thing. Not fun.
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I spent the weekend reading Gayle A. Sulik's new thoughtful and provocative book, Pink Ribbon Blues:
http://www.amazon.com/Pink-Ribbon-Blues-Culture-Undermines/dp/0199740453
Definitely resonated with me and echos some of the comments that I've read on this board and other threads.
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All that pink during NFL games in October made me nuts. I was so glad to see November roll around. I make it a point to avoid pink ribbon items...I do think it's corporate "largess" run amok (it's really all about marketing a female-friendly image). I mean, KFC Buckets for the Cure? Give me a break.
I did, however, score some nifty pink Brillo pads. Those are pretty cool. My stainless steel pots are really shiny
.A great article (albeit quite cynical): http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/cancerland.htm
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Hi
I thought it was just me. Don't like it at all. I remember a friend sent me a box of gifts at one point. I know at the time she meant well , but I couldn't stand the stuff . there was a pen with a pink ribbon attached , actually a1/2doz assorted things in pink or whatever. I don't like the whole maketing thing , but realize alot of people do things inocently so I try to be tolerant. I once sold Mary Kay and that was all pink but I liked that.
Can we pass a law that stops this lol I doubt it but it does sxxk a bit. Life has been hard enough , I don't share this with too many people. the few people I know haven't helped much. Guess they figure I'm fine.
Well thats my 2cents worth
Blue ((hugs)) to all ~Smile~
Nature
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LOL thanks for making laugh. I love it pink toilet paper , now that maybe I would buy .If was cheap , on sale and soft . I think it could be an interesting point. the rest of the stuff needs to be picketed, if nobody buys it maybe they'll stop doing it
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Living with the cancer for over 6 years, there are times when I love pink b/c it means progress, and other times I just can't look at b/c I live with it everyday.
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Interesting article in The New York Times regarding the "Pink" message to young girls. Gail Sulik's provocative new book, Pink Ribbon Blues, is mentioned in the article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/magazine/14FOB-wwln-t.html?ref=health
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I was diagnoses mid September and did not get sick of the pink everything until about mid October. One sister has repeatedly said how fortunate I am that I was going through this in October when there is so much awareness about it. The last time she said it I just about punched her.
However, I know that in the group of people I see and the ones who have sent me pink everythings, they all mean well. Right now I have to keep self editing because I am never in an emotional state to rationally explain why this stuff has started to bug me. I pretend I am in a job interview and quickly mentally rehearse my response before I open my mouth. My hubby says I am getting better at self editing.
For example, my daughter's roomate from last year tagged me in a photo on facebook with her wearing a pink 'save the tatas' shirt and her friend's said, "save second base". The caption was something nice about three or four of us with cancer.
What I wanted to say is "WTF are you tagging me in this for. They cut off my EFFING boobs. There is no second base and my tatas were not saved. I actually look like a bad scene from a horror movie"
Instead, I told her how sweet it was for her to think of me.
I feel in time, I may be able to find the correct words to let people know how I feel about this, but for now......I just try to use few words that appear to not be too offensive.
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I am always so relieved to see the end of October and all the pink crap get cleared off the shelves. Watching the NFL this year drove me nuts; all that pink crap on the field. It doesn't make me feel supported at all, but like so many of you have noted, people gave me tons of pink hats and pink pins and pink bracelets, etc etc when I was in treatment and I graciously accepted all of it. Just really didn't like it ...
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Yes I hate them. The only pink thing I ever wear is the bracelet my daughter made me.
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So, I do not have a bc diagnosis yet just ADH but my husband bought me a pink breast ca awareness ring for my birthday. I, at this point, was still not sure what the pathology was going to come back as ADH vs DCIS. I opened it and thought??? really???...breast ca for my birthday????? But he meant well...he was trying to say that no matter what he supported me. Love his heart!!
Then at work...a girl goes all the way out to her car to get her pink ribbon jacket, "isn't it awesome?" she asks. I just smiled. I didn't like the pink ribbon before and it hasn't grown on me since. I think that it is a very personal fight for every woman with a bc diagnosis. I don't need to buy a pink mixer to remember to do self breast exams or to remember that people are fighting for their lives. My shirt will read "take my ta-ta's so I don't have to worry about them" and maybe in smaller print "if my insurance will pay for it ...that would be great"!!!! -
I had not been active on the site because of my feeling about Pink Ribbons and the whole month of October. I'm still in a recovery mode as each year it seems to get worse. Though I don't know any of you, your postings here have helped me feel that I am not so alone! My friends at Gilda's Club don't like the whole pink ribbon focus as they feel, "Hey, where is 'our' month; we've got a crummy diagnosis with other type of cancer also!" I've tried to voice my views in a way that doesn't put people off but it doesn't always work, since they still send me Forwards that I guess they think will "make my day" - not hardly. I was a medical technologist and studied immunology. I posted to my Facebook page about the possible vaccine for BC being developed at the Cleveland Clinic. I typed in - Vaccination YES; Pink Ribbons NO!
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Thank you for this. I have had my bilateral mastectomy and in the midst of reconstruction and am about to start chemo. Before I had cancer, I had expressed that I did not like all of the pink and attention for this one cancer. There are MANY cancers that need attention, not just breast cancer. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the techology that has helped me to this point, but I also feel badly for the people who get the less "popular" cancers. We need to remember that ALL cancer is bad and each cancer needs this attention. Shouldn't football players have a prostate cancer month? Now that I am going through this nuisance, I REALLY do not like all of the pink. People are sweet and are trying, but no more houseplants (really? giving a recovering person something else to take care of?) and no more pink!
Thank you for these comments. I feel less "mean" by seeing that many feel the same way I do.
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If you read Dr Mercola's Pink Washing article and the Progress Radio network.com articles I dont think you would be impressed with the pink marketing campaign to sell stuff and pretend its helping fight a disease. i sit here after a bmx and TE looking like McDonalds just plastered 2 wrinkled hamburger buns on my chest and feeling like I am having a heart attack cause my chest is so squeezed and tight that my PS didnt even do any fills yet. Its not really pain so I dunno what can be done. But you get freaked out,wonder if you're gonna live or die,feel like one of the characters in the Alien movie that the monster is gonna jump outta your chest and kill people. I dont feel human I feel like a freak. I was always the skinny buck toothed acne faced shy girl who never got asked to the dance and so I got braces and my boobs came in and I went to the dermatologist and I was pretty finally and now I feel like bc is taking that all away and leaving with physical and emotional and psycho pains that the dr dont understand what to pill to give me for this. I hurt all the time and i am angry and miserable but I had 3 aunts with bc and so naturally the universe picked me to get it. Pink is just a red wanna be. It deserves no respect but thats just one person's opinion...mine. Anyone feel like I feel? Like the song says do you do you do you feel like I feel?
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I am sorry you hurt all the time, very sorry....my pain won't help yours go away and your pain will continue to be your "friend" as some well meaning idiots have told me.....yes, sitting there with the world falling in on me and some idiot nurse with a smile and all her pink stuff and nice big bag advertising my breast cancer and which hospital financially profited from me was degrading....I do not wear anything pink anymore.......what would help is for the real world to understand how debilitating this disease can be at any stage....
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Well, I was dx in October because someone posted a link to the BC awareness site....but I still hate pink! I went to their walk 1 week after my dx and it was like Shelby's wedding....blush and bashful all over the place. It was a sea of pink. One older lady even acted like I didn't have the "right" to be there because I had just been diagnosed 1 week earlier, like I wasn't a "survivor"....your right....its still in there!!!
Oh...and why in.the heck would I want pink ribbon stuff after dx if I didn't do anything pink ribbonish before???
I am, however, going to get a t shirt that says "heck yeah they are fake and spectacular....the real.ones tried to kill me". -
I feel like any time I see pink it has such a strong association with breast cancer that it infiltrates my happy thoughts. When I am enjoying my son or spending time with the hubby and there is a big display of pink pens at staples or pink this or pink that, it just reminds me of everything all over again. I am in the midst of this chemo battle and the last thing I want to be reminded of during the moments when I am not already thinking of BC is the BC. Pink has the ability to do that like nobody elses business. I also hate being defined like it. People say how strong I am or what a survivor I am, I don't feel that way. Some days I just want to crawl in a hole and pretend it doesn't exist, but I have a DS and a DH to stick around for! I completely agree that I hate being defined by this. I think your perspective on this is well said, much better so than I can put it.
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I'm not much of a pink person. Hell, I'm not much of a "cancer" person since I've been on this forum for almost three years and hardly ever post. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my sex drive the most. Pink used to look kind of innocent and sexy to me in the past. All it screams to me now is "BREAST CANCER! You lost your boobs, your sex drive and your youth at 42." I still get up every morning and live my life but it sure doesn't feel like my life anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any alternative. Fuck pink. I'm done with it.
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Pink is crappy and I think my friends really get it. My friends had some yellow ribbons on my flowers at the hospital and a lot of red cause I got my surg feb 13th. My fiance got me a plant with some orange in the middle of a fern looking thing. Nobody has tried to give me anything pink so I think they get it. I am kinda of outspoken. I used to be shy but it got me nowhere. My BS has a basket at her office of pink crap but nobody ever takes any of it. The thing that makes me misty eyed is when I want to do the things I used to do and I can't( like jog with my dog and have sex with my fiance). I am going to a therapist in a few wks to talk about all my issues and see if I can get a handle on the fact that it will take the PS almost a yr to get me back to being a reasonable facsimile of a woman.
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I mean, really how much $$ goes towards helping women and men with BC if someone buys a pink mixer or candle. It makes me nuts. We don't see any of that money, it just sells more stuff. What a racket! My friends at Christmas surprised me with a small ornamental Christmas tree that was covered with pink ornaments at a surprise pink party before my recon surgery in Dec. I was dumbfounded, and I just wanted to cry because I didn't really want a Christmas reminder of my problems. I know that sounds selfish, or at least it did to my husband, but I would just like to forget about BC for at least an hour a day.
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I have a pink blanket my daughter gave me, but when my hubby wanted to buy me a pink mixer I gave him a look he will never forget LOL. Told friends and family early on, no pink ribbon stuff for me.
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