2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

I got home earlier this evening after visiting the salon. he knew I was kind of upset and suggested that I should try just going shorter yet again. he found that I seemed to be losing it on the bottom and back, so just went to that same basic cut just shorter.

Also cut my wig while it was on me...not as bad with it cut, but gave a source close to where I have my chemo where they sell human-hair wigs for extremely reasonable costs. This ought to be interesting as a girlfriend is going with me...might even be fun!!!

Throat is still sore but the ice helps. The culture didn't come back today....sheesh!! Sometimes I feel as though I'm getting the medical go 'round lately, but yes...will call the Onc. tomorrow one way or the other.

Thanks guys....you're all so great!!!
hugs,
kate

Hi ladies,
just an update on my situation: my expander port was finally fixed on tuesday (this is op #4 in the last 2 months!!) and also got my first fill at the same time. So, looks like i am getting the go ahead for chemo #1 next monday. Arrgh! Scared, but at the same time feel ready to jump on the bandwagon...
Been reading all your posts, so feel prepared for all possible side effects... or as prepared as one ever could be!
You are all very brave, and truly an inspiration. I feel that if you could do it, i can too.
Hugs,
Paula

Day #4 after first round: do I feel shaky or what? I had planned to go to a meditation class this morning but feel way too queazy. This is my first morning without the Emend, maybe that's why. I will take a Compazine and see what happens.

Anna

I am the same as you no disability and that stinks.......They only gave me a one month medical leave w/o pay..Even though I didn't work much because it was a part time job that money came in handy....My husband is like yours, he can't wait to use the clippers.....He wanted to a month ago before I had any hair lost..Strange man, HA..I think he has some kind of obsession with it....

Spirit:
I took the Neulasta 24 hours after my first chemo. I thought it was fine. I do not know if it has caused me any problems, but I do know that when I got blood tests on Monday, before the insertion of my port, the nurse told me that my white blood cells were "really high". I think that the Neulasta boosted them right after the chemo so that now, this week, when they are supposed to hit their lowest point, I am not going to bottom out. I was told that the WBC get to their lowest about a week after treatment. I did some reading about Neulasta. It is a protein that our bodies make naturally. Neulasta gives you an extra boost. There is information on the internet. Maybe you should reconsider. I fought off a really bad cold and cough just before chemo and I really feel bad that you have to have these symptoms, along with everything else.

But, we all have to do what is best for our own situation. If you are afraid of more drugs/chemicals then your anxiety could do more harm than the drugs would help. I can sympathize. I started naming all the new chemicals that have been put into my body in the last 3 weeks and I started to imagine a toxic waste dump. But, I am choosing to believe that the toxicity is deadly for the cancer cells, and that my healthy cells are strong enough withstand this environment for the time being.

Today is a good day so I can be positive. That's how it goes, up and down, one day at a time.

Hang in there and hope you are feeling better soon.

Glad you have the ativan - I use it the first several days after treatment as needed throughout day, but after the that just at night, like you, to help sleep. I am able to back off the compazeine after about day four and just take it when I feel the nausea coming on - but I don't wait very long. If I wait too long then I have to back it up with an ativan. The only thing you can do is see what happens when you don't take one and if you start to feel sick - stay on it.

God Bless.

Kate, you are not a crybaby...Look what you are going through..Believe me I have had my moments...As far as the Neulasta I have had two shots so far and no side effects at all...As much as you hate to do it, I know because I am not one to put anything into my body that I don't have to and was also a little apprehensive myself, but I figured that I would take the chance of the side effects opposed to getting sick....It really seems to work good because when I went to have chemo #2 on Monday he said my blood count was fabulous which I was glad to hear...The only side effects I have heard anyone having was mild bone pain for a couple days, I don't think it is anything that bad.
Here's a HUG, I think you need it, Take care....Grayce

instead of neulasta...what about doing nupigen? i'm doing that...i give myself an injection for 7 days after chemo...they're little pre-filled syringes....takes a second...i do it in the morning.

my doctor said that they don't make you as achey as neulasta and they're actually better because you take them for the whole week. i get a little achey at the end of the week, but tylenol works. my white cells were as high at my second chemo as before chemo. just a thought...i love them because i know they make me strong.
-amy

i not phobic, but i'm not a fan of needles...i get nervous every time i wake up in the morning and know it's time for nupigen. this is how i deal with it...low white cells and delayed chemo definitely scare me more. so, i just suck it up just like we have done with biopses, diagnoses, waiting, chemo, hair loss, etc. and just do it...it takes a second. It's good drugs, not bad...that's how I see it

If it makes you feel better...my husband is beyond needle phobic...he actually faints when he sees needles. But, he's so worried about low white cells that he loves the nupigen and even offered to give me my shots! They don't hurt...I promise The needles are small too.

-amy

I thought by now I would have joined all of you. My first chemo rescheduled for today but delayed because my CEA results were elevated (didn't even know about that one.) Onc also thought a skin lesion could be staph infection. Will see the ID specialist again Monday, the onc, and hopefully chemo. I am now 10 days behind original schedule and getting frustrated. Hope you are all finding this session easier than the last, or at least know what to expect and how to deal with it.

Nancy K

Nancy - dont get despondant - i started chemo 4 MONTHS behind schedule due to healing probs but I am there now!
I hd my 2nd chemo yesterday - apart from feeling a bit tired I am doing good. Took the kids to school this morning ( how i long for your American yellow school bus system!) and dared wear the wig - got loads of good comments so feel good.
My hubby shaved my hair off on day 13 after first chemo. It had started coming out around the bottom and back and i really didnt want to look like a hamster with mange! Yes i cried whilst he did it but afterwards it was ok - quite empowering. Thats one thing cancer cant do to me now - i beat it to it! One more hurdle over and done with. I even got whistkled at by a gand of bikers the other day whilst out in a scarf - that did me the power of good!
My hospital sends me home with stuff for mouth problems after my chemo - they say you have to be careful buying over counter as you cant use anything with alcohol in it.
We did sponsored walk on 30th for Bc - absolutely threw it down as only England knew how - but the day raised £65000 so everyone in high spirits. Was only 5km so hubby didnt have to carry me up any of the hills!
Take Care
Debbie

Ravdeb,

You will get through the hair loss. I really felt that my hair was the best thing about me...I had this great, thick, dark brown hair. I loved it so much. When it started to itch and fall out, I was scared. When I shaved it, I found my control again. It's the weirdest thing ever and there are some days that I hate being bald. But, you kinda reform how you see yourself...all of a sudden, I love my eyes and it's fun to put on eye makeup and make them kinda funky. All of a sudden, it's really fun to put on big earrings with my scarves. I like to drive with my windows open and not worry that the wind is messing up my hair. For me, I gotta find the good things or I'll be sad throughout chemo.

The hair coming out is definitely sad because it's the final piece in having cancer (at least, that's how I saw it...it's the thing everyone waits for...the hair loss). It's baby steps. I find certain places where I can be bald and not care and I avoid places where being bald makes me sad. I hate being in the mall. That's when I feel like a cancer patient. I love being bald in my house and at friend's house. I like going to the gym bald. I let myself be bald when I see my therapist. You have to find some places where it's okay and know the places where it's not okay.

I also kinda show people my bald head before they say anything. When I see friends who haven't seen me yet, I immediately show them my shaved head...it's like I have to do it first. That's helped me feel more comfortable.

We can get through this...I try to think about the fact that by spring, my hair will be coming back in. You will be sad when it's gone and you will miss it and hate those hair commercials that are now on every single second and be envious of people who have perfect hair. But, you will hopefully get comfortable with your head and start to like the features on your face that are bigger without hair (my eyes are so much bigger to me). It's the biggest challenge I think to be okay with ourselves through hair loss, but I'm thinking that my self-confidence will just be that much higher when this is all over. In the end, we don't have a choice..the hair goes...but, as long as I see it as hair loss=dead cancer cells and remind myself it's temporary, I wear cool scarves and dress up and wear perfume and tell myself I'm still myself.

Good luck with it all! Hopefully your next chemo will be okay...for me, it was better than the first.

-Amy

thanks Amy! I never really thought my hair was my best feature though I have great hair. One thing I did was not color it for a really long time. I have been gray since I was 30 and have been coloring it for quite a while (I'm 50 now) and I hate seeing my roots but now they show tons. I had natural black hair and still have the black eyebrow,etc so I've been dying my hair black all these years. Anyway...my hair is in a state of disaster and I was thinking the other day that I would be glad to get rid of it, but today.... I am not so confident.
Thanks for your encouragement. It is going to come off just like I am going for my next chemo no matter what. I have no control but shaving my head will put me in control again..you are right. I've thought about wearing great eye make-up or funky hats and scarves and my girlfriend and I are going to buy funky hats together next week, too. Still...it's so scary.
But thanks! I hope I get bold and just allow myself to roam the house without my wig. I'm just hoping....
ravdeb

I'm getting the Neulasta with dose dense treatment. I had a bit of bone pain in my back from it, but nothing too bad. I'm not happy about even MORE chemical, but this way chemo is over in two months! Don't be afraid of the shot. Sounds like you need it.