What are our children thinking?

Jacqueline- when I was diagnosed my girls were 4, 6 and 8.  Right before my diagnosis I took my middle daughter to a museum.  We walked by a mummy case.  A couple months later-cancer.  I never thought about it but 2 years after I was finished treatment my middle daughter (now 8 yrs old) came to me and said something about the mummy.  I did not know what she meant and after some questioning I discovered that she thought (for 2 whole years!!!) that the mummy cursed us.

Additionally, they never asked me if I was going to die.  I was certain I was going to die but they did not ask so I did not address it.  Just recently the two older daughters told me that they thought I was going to die.  They apparently discussed this together when they were 8 and 6.  How sad is THAT!?

Talking about children and what is going on in their heads.   My kids are 4,6,and 9 (autistic)  My 6 yr old never talks about the cancer. (except maybe at Gilda's club)  Last wk I asked him how he felt about mommy having cancer and he said that he was scared.  "Scared about what hunny?"  That you might die.  "Have you told anyone about this"  no just u.  And here are some cute stories.  My daughter (4 yrs) carries around her dolls and stuffed animals and says "this is (dolls name).  She has cancer.  She lost all of her hair.  But she's ok now.  And all of her hair is back now"  Then after I told them that mommy was cancer free.  That wk my husband called and told me that she told her teacher that "mommy got her cancer for free!!"  and after seeing my scars on my breasts after BMX my husband said that the said to her brothers  "Mommy's boobies are weird now.  Cancer made them stripped" So cute!

Wow, Jacqueline, the stuff that goes on in their heads.

My kids were only 2 and 4 when I was Dx, so we never used the "cancer" word. It is only now that I think my daughter (6) has connected the dots in her head and knows I had cancer. She still gets a bit jittery about things, although my son (now nearly 5!) seems quite oblivious to it all.

Really - ANYONE can post here

Hi moms,

The hardest part of this journey was having to put my kids through it. They were 13 and 16 when I was diagnosed. They didn't talk much about it, so maybe I was hoping they didn't absorb much of the trauma-wrong. My son had to write an essay about resilience for his class this fall, and my story made it into that essay. He included dates and great detail about what I went through. I'm glad that he can process it now. My daughter is now at college, and was at lunch with 2 girls. They got to talking about healthy eating, and somehow it came out that all 3 had moms who went through bc. 

May all our children have peace and healing,

Cathmg 

Hi Onward,

My daughter is the same age as your boys. I sent you a pm.

Cathmg 

My kids were 22, 24, 25 and 26. I spoke to all of them in person except the youngest girl when I had the "bad" mammo. I knew it this time. I couldn't get ahold of my step-daughter (my kids were the 24 and 26 year olds) and when the diagnosis came through I was able to call them all to confirm it....except the youngest. I kept leaving her boyfriend messages on FB to call me but she never did. Finally I posted on Facebook that I had breast cancer and was going to have a double mastectomy on Tuesday! She finally called on Monday night crying. Too little, too late. My own daughter (24) posted on FB that she "had to be strong". I responded to that by saying "no she didn't! It was okay to be scared." My step-son (25) was with us the night before the surgery and my daughter visited the day of surgery. My son (26) was WAY up north (7 hours). They've all been fine since. I hope I taught them something of how to react in a crisis; strength and humour!

my kids were 7, 16 and 19 (soon to be 8, 17 and 20)...my son (middle child) does not talk about BC with me...but I know at the time of Dx when I had 2nd biopsy and DH and I were telling him results (more cancer etc), he asked if that meant I was going to die!!!!  BC is openly discussed with my 2 DD.  Whole family did RFTC in Denver the beginning of the month.  Older DD and I are doing the RFTC in Israel tomorrow (1st one ever in Israel) afternoon.  I have talked to older DD alot about the need for BSE as she is not too young (at 24)....younger DD knows when I see the onc as I need to let her know my schedule...plus, I am an active volunteer with the Komen affiliate....My kids know how hard Tx was for me, but I am currently NED, so that helps put it in perspective.  When I was Dx, younger DD was in grade 2 and her teacher arranged a lunch date with a 3rd grader who had been in class with my daughter the year before whose mother was a survivor....it really helped my daughter...to be able to talk with someone.....I know my younger DD had to grow up quicker because of my BC, but at 12 and in grade 7 (4 1/2+ years later), she is a well adjusted kid....so are her big brother and big sister!!! 

My kids were 5 & 7 when I was diagnosed, and we gave them information we thought they could handle at the time.  18 months later, they both understand more and realize that Mommy had cancer, and all the crap I went through was to get rid of it.  But the funny thing is that my daughter associated the word "surgery" with losing your hair for the longest time, since that was what stood out in her mind through all of this.  So when she heard of someone needing surgery, she would follow up with "Oh, they're going to be bald!"   She actually had a classmate last year mention that her Grandfather was having foot surgery, and my daughter told her, " His hair will probably fall out"  I had to continue to remind her that the chemo made me lose my hair and that all surgeries are different and are done for different reasons!  Now she finally gets it!

Sherrill

Onward

I have a 19 y.o. son and he avoided me most of the time I was getting chemo. Then he shaved his head and got a ribbon tatoo. He's more comfortable with it now and we have always been an open family so he knows all he wants to know. He even bought me a hat with hair on top. My 30 y.o. son has only spoken to me twice since I was diagnosed in May.

Karen

What is RFTC?

Karen1956-  Wow that must have been so exciting.  I just read that there were over 5000 people there.  What an amazing event to be at!