Starting chemo January 2009?

Jess--Hope your weekend was good too!

Mine--well I didn't go to GG park for the ACS walk. Did it last year and it was hard, walking in memory of 2 young moms and my grandma. My co-workers went, and maybe I'll do it next year. But instead I did go to a great workshop at Cal (teaching writing) focusing on helping kids understand children with differences (immigrants, special needs, alternative families) and write about their own "safe places."

Brenda--congrats on the walk! Sounds great.

KM47--I read your blog. Love the go away "f...ng" pain idea. Wow--a half marathon!!! I'm impressed. My feet hurt just thinking about running that far.

Think of you kmmd!!!

(((HUGS)))

Strange day today. It was the elementary school halloween party and last year a volunteered to work the prize table. I was just a week or so out from my reconstruction surgury and thought that would be an easy job.  Forgot about chemo brain and trying to keep tabs of a hundred kids pushing tickets in my face demanding prizes.  This year I was just a parent taking their kid, but I can remember how hard it was last year. 

Things are weird at work.  My boss whom we all  love and has been devoted to being a shield for us against unreasonable demandes from above has been suddenly transferd to a new post. They told him in a 4 minutes meeting on Wednsday, he told me yesterday (since I would be out of the office in the morning today) and e everyone else was told today.  He starts his new position on Monday, but they have not told him where he will e working, who he will be working for, or who will be filling his shoes.  My office is in mourning and shock over this.  My boss is as well, but as a survior of prostate cancer he reminded me that we both know this is just work, there are more important things in life.  But the many hours of life spent at work are likely to be get alot less pleasant in the near futures.  Sigh.  I really have to pay attention to the stress this will cause, because I think stress had alot to do with my BC.  

Broke out my pink wig for halloween and could barely get all my curls under it.  I had to wear a swim cap to come anywhere near getting on my head.  DS had an awesome day.  Sunday school in the morning where the learned about the tower of Babal by building tall leg building together but without being allowed to talk.  Then in the afternoon his best friend came over to play for a hour or so before they went trick or treating.  First time his friend has gone.  DS went out again after his friend left and is convinced that he has gather more look than any one else ever.  He had to hide at every house and yell boo when the openned the door, so he earned his candy. 

Getting pretty nervous for that CT tonight.  Can't wait to post here by the end of the week saying it was all nothing.

momand2kids.  I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  I hope its noghtin.  We're here for you either way

momand2kids,  Hoping the best for you.

(((HUGS))).

kmmd, YEAH!

((HUGS)))

My PET & Mammo is the 18th

momand2kids - Totally sucks!  We are here for you what every you need.  You know that.  Keep us informed.

kmmd - Great news! 

I am planning to get my Reiki masters certification in two weekends.  I am amazed at home much I use it in my life.  

We had a major shake up at work end of last week. Our boss for about the last 10 year or so, whom we all love because he fights for us against upper management demands, was suddenly reassigned to a special project with no notice.  Everyone thinks it is a way to get him out of the way so that they can whip our department into shape. I think that is a side benefit and that do really need him on this project.  But one workmate took me aside and asked for advise on how I remain so calm.  She comment that first I took BC with such grace and now I am calm through this upheaval.  She said she was just so mad she could not think straight.  I was not sure what to tell her.  I mentioned yoga and breathing and reiki, and my choice to believe that there was more to the decision than an evil desire to abuse us.  But I have been thinking that part of it may be that I am gaining some ground on the how "non attatchment" concept.  i accept, to some degree, that everything changes and that to try to hold on the the present will be a source of suffering.  Good health and bad health will both pass with time.  The people we love and those we dislike will pass through this life and on to what comes next.  All we have is the acutally experience of the present moment.  We can take all that it has to offer, or we can waste it in an unproductive comparasion to the past that is no more or the future that we are only imagining.  

OK, I am diving in to the deep end again and taking you on a swim when you did not even ask to get wet, so I will sign off now.  I have a phone call I need to make.  Sweet dreams my Jewels.  I will be sending some energy toward you in the next few days.  Feel for it. 

momand2kids - (((HUGS)))  Keep us posted on the biopsy.  I like your attitude (not letting a .5mm spot dictate your life). 

kmmd - woohoo!  Glad to hear about the clear scans!

Renrel - "that everything changes and that to try to hold on the the present will be a source of suffering.  Good health and bad health will both pass with time.  The people we love and those we dislike will pass through this life and on to what comes next.  All we have is the acutally experience of the present moment.  We can take all that it has to offer, or we can waste it in an unproductive comparasion to the past that is no more or the future that we are only imagining." I love this, how true and profound. 

Had my 2 year cancerversary yesterday and to be honest I didn't really even think about it much, I wasn't emotional at all, I think I was happy.  I had a great Nov 3rd this year.  We had an annual meeting for our department (150 staff) and I won an award for office comedian, we had these silly awards for strange things, mine was the 'you really could quit your day job award'.  I work in healthcare and apparently nobody is funny for them to vote for me, if I'm the funniest person in the office.....we're in trouble lol.  For my prize, I won a Slap Chop and a Graty - like on the commercials - zucchini, martini, bikini.  Anyway, it was a much better day than it was 2 years ago!!! 

Thanks 

I am drafting my list of questions for the surgeon..... gearing up the voice recorder, getting the kids' stuff ready for the am-we have not said anything to them yet--no point...... they will know when they have to know......

I never got to see the healing garden when I was at MGH because I only had my surgery there and was treated at the Farber.... I will check it out tomorrow.... maybe I will see the yoga class!

Let me know when you are back at the hospital and maybe we can meet up for lunch or something.  I have not been able to stop by there for a class or anything in ages. 

Momand2kids--thinking of you. I'm glad your surgeon thinks it's nothing, but will put your worries to rest with the biopsy. I had calcifications and a biopsy on my "good" breast 2 years before my ca diag. It was nothing, and is still fine.

 kmmd--Great news!! I just got approved for a tighter sleeve and more massage. I've been bad about doing self-message, and I can see it. Also, while swimming has helped my neck pain, my underarm pain is worse. Onc. just said to take Advil, but then I read that isn't good for LE.

 Had my 3 month onc visit last Thurs., which was frustrating because I had to wait for 1.5 hours, and almost was ready to leave for a meeting when she walked in. She had a patient with issues, and while I appreciate her taking the time with patients who need her, I felt at least someone should have alerted me to the wait. Oh well--didn't have time for questions. I guess I'm fine--at least the bloodwork seemed ok, although my tumor marker when up a bit (my support group leader said not to worry about the small rise). So, I'll breathe easier for 3 more months.

Happy weekend!

Well, I managed to figure out how to hook up a web camera and am now using Skype.  I have talked to my daughter.  I am pretty proud and am amazed I figured out how to download all the stuff for Skype.  I am not the most savy when it comes to utilizing computer technology. 

Ug, ate too much today- so much for trying to lose the tamoxifen weight!  Sigh.

Speaking of weight......I have the extra Tamoxifen weight as well.  I joined Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago and have lost 7 lbs.  I don't have very much to lose, maybe 15 total, so I'm halfway there.  I am 5'2 and started at 141 lbs and now 134 lbs.  I'd like to get down to 125 but even 130 would be great.  I haven't been doing too much for exercise, basically just following the WW points system and eating better/less.  I have joined a gym that has a running track so I go there and walk for an hour about 2 to 3 times a week at my own pace and it's nice. 

Jess, you have to post back and tell us how the day went.  Yay for DD, that is so cool, you must be busting out with pride!  Hope playing hooky was awesome.  Will be thinking of you.