How do you go on with your life ??

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Kam28
Kam28 Member Posts: 53
edited June 2014 in High Risk for Breast Cancer

Hi,

promise this is my last post :-))

...i'm 34 and iam just wondering, how do you guys go on with your life.....i know stupid question consider i haven't been even diagnosed. BUT,

i lost my mom to breast cancer 3 years ago, she was only 49, i still having hard time to accept the fact she is gone. we were very close and we miss her terrible. and i know what she has been through with this cancer

i myself had one bening biopsy last year and i am beeng carefully monitored every 6 months.

however, i cant seem to go on with my life,..its like i'am stuck , always worry about breast cancer, always doing selfexams, always reading stuff on the internet,....talk about obssesion !!! thats me.

in the year that my mom past away i lost two other aunts to cancer and one uncle. i only have my dad and sister, now my dad has a girlfriend and her son who is 29 was diagnosed with brain cancer, so its all around us again,...oncologists, chemo,radiation,...

i'm sorry, and thank you , i feel better i at least put it in writing :-) iam just wondering how do you guys do it ???    

i have wonderful husband, little 4 year old angel, great dad and sister and instead off beeing happy that we are healty, i always worry,...

i think i'm just crazy. thank you guys , thank you every

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  • NatsFan
    NatsFan Member Posts: 3,745
    edited October 2010

    Kim - you're not crazy.  In the last few years, you've lost your mom and other relatives, you've had a b/c scare, and it seems that everyone around you has cancer.  It's absolutely normal that you'd be in a tailspin in trying to deal with it all.  That said, it does sound like you're doing a good job of scaring yourself!!  ;-D

    My suggestion - first, take an internet break. This place is wonderful for research and support, but you can also be on the internet too much.  You're already surrounded by cancer, so dont' use your free time to surround yourself with even more cancer.  Secondly, talk to your doctor about what you're going through, and maybe getting some anti-anxiety drugs or a referral to a therapist.You're still recovering from the trauma of losing your mom and the other relatives, plus having to have a biopsy yourself.  There's nothing wrong with using the help that's out there, and if a few months of an anti-anxiety drug or working thing through with a therapist can help you get past the trauma and get back to a more balanced attitude about cancer, then that's what they're for.

    I lost my mom to b/c as well, so I understand about a healthy vigilance.  The trick is to balance that healthy awareness of your increased risk with living your day to day life.  If you're unable to achieve this balance on your own, your doctor can help guide you, whether with meds, talking with a therapist or any other assistance.

    Finally, if you're not already physically active, get out there!  Take a yoga class or try a zumba class.  Start walking daily - even just 10 minutes a day can work wonders with your mood.  Exercise has been my mental lifesaver throughout my treatment for this terrible disease - I can really tell a difference mentally as well as physically when I don't exercise. I can highly recommend it to help you get your mind off that b/c anxiety treadmill of your mind.

    Good luck.  

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  • TammyLou
    TammyLou Member Posts: 740
    edited October 2010

    I think that you are asking very intelligent, reasonable questions.

    When in cancer treatment, it is "normal" to become very, very focused.

    I think of it as passing through the eye of a needle.

    The world becomes very small...all you can hear sometimes is your own self, breathing.

    "Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Good."

    That's me, telling myself to remember to breathe.  :)

    I have not experienced this grief that is so fresh for you...the loss of your mother to this terrible disease.

    I have experienced, to a degree, the loss of self.

    In my journal, I wrote, "Today, I lost my hair....and I hope that is the last thing I lose."

    When first diagnosed with breast cancer, I hoped that I would not die.

    In the days that followed, there were times that I wished I would.

    Your grim reality is that you have been left to carry on.

    And, it's not easy.

    This is a time when it is not good to be a "big picture" person.

    Try to learn to be a "today" person.

    I learned to say to myself, "Yes.  I may die of breast cancer....but, it is not today."

    Try to do today.

    If it's a bad day, try to make it to lunch.  When you make it to lunch, try to make it to dinner.

    This is my own way.

    You will have to find what works for you.

    Sometimes, I just try to make this hour.

    I am one of the few people I know who lives primarily in the now.

    tl

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  • terrij152
    terrij152 Member Posts: 530
    edited October 2010

    Kam, when my Mom and Sister were diagnosed the year before I was, I too was always wondering what I would do if it happened to me, and a year later it did.  I decided then that life is going on around me, so I can either sit back and feel sorry for myself, or I can jump back into life; and that's exactly what I did.  Occasionally I do get concerned, but when I find myself worrying too much I imagine that I have a fishing pole in my hands and I cast the line out and reel in those crazy thoughts.  Just something that works for me.  Have you thought about any counseling, it may help to get your thoughts out in the open and try to work through them.  Remember you're not alone!

    (((((HUGS)))))

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  • Kam28
    Kam28 Member Posts: 53
    edited October 2010

    Hi,

    THANK YOU SO MUCH, of course all of you ladies are right, i wrote down every suggestion you gave me and i will follow them, but first i do need to stay away from the internet because i am doing VERY good job at scaring myself :-)) ...i couldnt say it better than that :-))

    if this will not help then i will seek professional help....maybe some therapy.....

    again thank you, thank you, thank you.

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  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited October 2010

    Dear Kam, you'll get through this one day sometimes one moment at a time.  I too lost my mother to cancer, so when I was diagnosed I literally went numb.  I t takes a long time to process the loss of a parent, and you didn't get any time before your own diagnosis.  You are not going crazy, you're trying to wrap your head over all the losses you've gone through.  you just have to remember, one thing at a time, just show up for this test, this scan,... Do not think you have to make it on your own, there are some very caring and knowledgeable women on these boards to help and  support you. There are wonderful therapists out there too.  You will get on with your life, with the help of all these people.  I am a little year out from my own diagnosis, biopsies, lumpectomy and rads and am finding a new me.  I remember that early time in a kind of a haze, you will find strength's you did not know you had.  Take care Karen

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