May 2010 Chemo

I must be making progress.  I drug Gage around town to my appt and then his appt.  Got some antibiotics for him so hopefully he feels better soon.  I didn't get my nap and its almost 10pm and I'm still up paying bills and checking on here.  Kinda scary.  Now I need to get serious about eating better and exercising.  Geez, this eating business is ridiculous.  One minute I'm drinking a fresh green drink and the next I'm slurping down a Mocha Frappe and cheeseburger. 

Thanx for the recon pic link info.  I was looking all over bc..org also.  I'm considering recon for next summer and I'm less and less enthused about it.  I'm worried that since its been so long since the mast. that I'll have pain issues with TE, etc.  Guess I'll cross that bridge when it gets closer. 

My red faced moment for today! 

Today I had to use my DH's car when I went for rads...the rads place is near downtown and there is a lot of construction going on..So they have a valet to park your car when you come ...after I was done . I gave my number to the valet..  he left to get my car..after a while I was standing there thinking dang its taking so long ...I saw another valet at the top of the lane waving like crazy, but he didn't have my car so I ignored him..after about what seemed like 10 minutes he came up to me and said your car is ready..I said that's not my car...he looked at me and said this is your number right ..I said yea, but not my car..you guessed it,  it was my car, my DH's car,  I felt so silly and I'm sure the valet was thinking WOW!

Hi Ladies -  I just spent the last half an hour writng  a long text to everyone and some how my mouse clicked on something and I lost it all.   So I this is going to be much shorter and I will won't get to reply to everyone but know that I think of you often and I am very thankful for each of you in my life.

Here is my status update: Lumpectomy 12/6/10, DMX with Tram 2/22, Node surgery 3/16, Finished Chemo 8/12; Finishing rads 10/28 - YEAH THAT IS IN 2 DAYS!!!!!   Started Tamoxifen 9/13 and the only side affect is slight headache's most days but nothing that a few advil doesn't help with..  Got the BRCA negative results.

I am back to work now so my life is pretty crazy with that and all the kids sports so I don't have much time to myself.  I did manage to get a way to my 1st girls weekend in 10 years this past weekend.  I met a bunch of my sorority sisters in Norfolk VA for our college, ODU, homecoming.  It was so much fun and I am going to make sure that I don't wait as long for the next one.   I did go the whole weekend without a wig or wrap.  My hair is pretty short so it was a pretty big step . 

My thoughts and prayers are out to all of you.

Laura

Hi Denise - I am getting 4 different radiation treatments each day.  My radiation was pretty easy the first 3 1/2  weeks,just a little redness in the clavicle and on the inside of my left breast where they are doing a specific electrons radiation treatment.  I don't remember those two area's getting a rash before they got red but that might be because I was a litte tan in those area's.  In the last  week or so the rest of my breast and on my side and underarm  did get this dotted rash.  Since Saturday my underarm area is very tender.  I asked my rad doc about it today and he said that it is normal to get the dotted rash before turning pink/redder and that is one of the stages of the radiation.  He said it will probably get worse for the next week or so and then start getting better.    I have been using fresh aloe ( I have gone thru 2 small plants already) and that seems to be helping my skin a lot.  He said my skin held up very very well, better then he expected with the amount of treatment I am getting.

I hope this helped!

Beth - that's awesome about your parents!!  And, yes, phantom itching stinks, especially in your feet!! 

Paxton - Glad you are getting out and feeling better!  Don't worry too much about the diet... it'll come!  Since my surgery, I only seem to have a taste for BLTs... I figure the bacon is not so good, but lettuce and tomato are ok!!  LOL    I hope you can decide on recon.. pain will be a real issue but you are young and Gage will be older; maybe it will be easier with him a little older. It comes down to what you will be at peace with! 

Ditah - that's good it was postponed because I slept through it this morning; now I can watch it!!!  So exciting! 

Denise - LMAO... I would have done the same thing!  I almost never drive my husband's bus, I mean minivan!!  How are the rads going?  Any special lotion you are using? 

Jersey - Thanks for the tip!  They gave me lortab 1-2 tabs every 6 hours, so if I take them every 3 hours, I am good.  My biggest pain times are in the morning when I don't get them every 3 hours.  I still have to wake up at 6 hours and take my antibiotic because my drain is still in, and I think that's part of my pain issue because the drain tube wraps around my tissue expander... I can feel it and it just kills my chest wall... and yes, some from the nerves too... you cannot prod around with nerves without causing serious pain later! 

Laura - yay for finishing rads!!  And, small world... my husband's brother graduated from ODU in 1987!!!  Thanks for letting us know how you're doing on the tamoxifen... don't know when I will start, but hope I can have minimal side effects also!  YAY for girls' weekend! 

My pain is better today; a little better everyday!  And, met with my BS today.  My official pathology from surgery reads:  T1 NO Mx.  That is sooooo exciting to see!!!!  It doesn't mean I was never a T3 N1.... but it just makes me giddy beyond belief!!!     And, looks like 6 weeks of rads... I meet with my rad onc on Nov 3... the same day I go for my first TE fill!!  YAY!!

(((HUGS)))  Love,  Leanna

Leanna..Will you tell what the T1NO Mx means?  I'm so happy for you that the chemo worked! And glad you are doing so well ..So did you have a mastectomy?  I'm lost for some reason! Duh TE fill!   It took me 2 weeks to feel good . and then I just went to the surgeon ..was so happy to get my drains out! 

PackJenn    Going on line for emu oil.. Didn't think how no nerves after mx will be a good thing..I guess there is something to look forward to... Did you have pain where they radiate?  Any of the mastectomy squeeze get worse? Oh my gosh how I miss the day of running the kids around.. going to Volleyball game.. then heading for the baseball game. Running back to the volleyball game, Doing that both days of the weekend..you know what, I was really bummed when they were able to drive themselves around.. and we just had to show up for the actual  game. Oh then we would have 3 cars at the game..mine, my DH's on the days he came from work  and the kids..lol 

Paxton  The whole time I was one Chemo I couldn't really eat anything sweet..Now I'm craving sweets..today I wanted a donut..I cant tell you the last time I ate a donut!  I am truly bummed out that chocolate still tastes strange. I ate so well on chemo, now I want to eat every thing and any thing I can.  But alas I know I can't because, if I ever want to get rid of this huge tire I have I cant eat the bad stuff. But then I have the day when I think ..Shoot I deserve this! So yea I feel your confusion! lol

Have a great night  ladies 

Madjula -- Congrads!!! It is a huge step to be done with chemo and many of us have been quite emotional after finishing.  For me, I didn't really feel like I was done because I still had to do rads but I would break down crying for no reason.  It's like a huge weight off your, shall I say, chest.  I hope your mammo and echo show little to no tumors.  It's funny that your dx (at the bottom of your posts) is very similar to mine, but they chose to cut first and then chemo for me and the other way around for you.  I wonder if the protocol in CR is different than the US.

Denise -- I believe Leanna had a right mastectomy with a tissue expander placed at the time of surgery (TE) which gets filled by syringe with saline.  They do it in stages and it can be painful if they do it quickly as they did on mine (100 ccs per week x3).  As for rads pain, I couldn't tell you if I had more than my usual amount of pain since I have pain every day with these TEs.  They feel like having tennis balls under my skin.  Some women refer to them as the "iron bra".  So there may have been a little extra pain but I am not sure.  I didn't notice any contracture on the radiated side, but when I went to my PS the day after I finished rads she felt both sides and said there was swelling and scar tissue on the left side (rads side).  Then for the next few days I had some numbness in my fingers radiating down my left arm.  I knew that was just from swelling in my armpit and I took Naproxsen.  It went away after about a week.  I have heard that rads can cause your tissue to continue to scar up to 6-12 months later and beyond.  My PS wanted me to wait for up to a year to do my exchange (TEs to real implants), but I told her that's not gonna happen -- so she said to come back in December and she will check the scarring.--- Oh, and on the Emu oil, I also rubbed it on my scalp and my hair came back in much thicker than it used to be.  So now I am rubbing it on my eyes so my lashes grow back nice and thick.  It also worked wonders to get rid of the hives I was suffering from after chemo.

I'm not so sure I will miss the running back and forth to activities with my twins, but I do often like to sit and watch them as they run from the van to their class when I drop them at school -- so full of energy, sweetness and innocence.  And I do take a minute to just enjoy the feel of their tiny hands in mine when we are crossing the street.

Today I will try to count my blessings.  The first one is that DH took the girls to school and I am back under the warm covers with my dog at my side.

BTW --- GO GIANTS!!!!

Jen

Leanna;  Great news! So happy for you. trust me pain gets easier each and every week. After the 4th week I was ready to throw the towel in but by the 5th week it started to turn around. I know it willf for  you too!

Drim" thanks for the update. will have to ask my friend to tape again

packjen: your question hit home for me. I so miss those times ..you moan and groan about running them around but in actuality you always knew where they were at night time.My favorite time is the halloween season. my husband always cooked a big pot of chili, made a homemade soup and cooked hot dogs. the whole neighborhood kids and parents came to our house each and every year. The boys played football at night on the street, the girls watched videos and the little ones ate their candies. I truly miss my husband so much this week. Halloween is not the same without him.  I miss his support... I feel so alone these days.

Majdula: HORRAY....so happy for you. time to move on

Denise: funny story...I would of done the same thing..even not being on chemo

LauraM: nice to get away...good for you> My next girls night out is in January. going to NYC for the night..can't wait.. going to see Jersey Boys.(I already seen it but a fun show to see again)...eating out and just having a good time together...I need a total night of laughter

Paxton: Good that you are feeling better.. Feel like somehow we all are here.. Think now we have to deal with the emotional aspect of it all..

Have great evening my friends

Leanna9 - YEAH for the good pathology report!  That is such a coincidence about ODU, both my husband and I graduated in 1987 also!

Denise - I was very nervous about starting radiation too.  I think the unknown is what we are the most scared of. 

Majdula - CONGRATS on finishing Chemo.   You will feel so much better soon! 

PackJen - I am thinking of you and hope that you feel better soon.  Once the drains come out you will start to feel much better.

I have just finished radiation this morning!!! YEAH !!!   I feel so liberated, I feel like I finally have my life back.   I still have some of my reconstruction to finish the beginning of the year so I have that still on my mind but that is such small stuff compared to everything I have gone through.

Good thoughts are going out to all of you!

Big Hugs Day!  Hope you feel better soon

I watched it very good ...nice to see it wasn't negative about the subject they actually made it look very easy...  it is on the GMA web site if you missed it... great job Drim..that was you correct? its so easy to do!

Mascara?  lol I have about 3 hairs left on my right eye and some so tiny you can feel them but not see them on my left! Is any one trying the Latise or any thing like that?  just curious...

Jen - I TOTALLY agree.... mornings sucked the worst with the pain.  There were a few mornings, I just cried because I couldn't move, and even just sitting still was painful... just had to take some extra meds and give it 30 minutes or so to kick in!!  That lasted about 3-4 days after surgeryl, so not too bad... definitely do-able!!  I am still confused about if they want me fully inflated because I think my PS said something about not wanted the skin stretched to the limit before rads.... I meet with both of them next week, so will get a definitive answer... I know they are doing a fill - my appt was changed to Monday for that.  He also said I needed to start thinking about my size... so my husband said a solid "C".... I think I was about a big B, small C, before!  He said he'll fill and we'll see when I want him to stop, which cracks me up for some reason!!  Of course, he'll just make my other match during recon, but I'll definitely be lopsided and up more on one side for a few months!  And, that's a heck of a schedule you've got going on!  I got tired for you just reading it!

Denise -  T N M is how they stage cancer.... T represents the tumor size, N the node involvement (how many) and M is mets.  So T3 means I started with a tumor greater than 4 or 6 cm (I can't remember right now), and N1, 1 node and not mets.  Post surgery path T1 (tumor under 2 cm) and no nodes and no mets.  Thank you, chemo!!!  And, all they got during surgery (yes, mastectomy) was DCIS... so, actually, Stage 0 pathology.  My breast surgeon did feel the need to remind me of my original diagnosis.... debbie downer!!    haha!! 

Magda - CONGRATS on being done with chemo!  There's not a feeling like it in the world... indescribeable!!!  So happy!  Hope your scans are easy and you don't stress over them!! 

Denise - It might have been easier that they didn't give you a choice between surgery and chemo... it was one of the hardest decisions I have EVER had to make and was constsantly second guessing myself!!  In the end, I don't think it changes outcomes either way, at least that's what I've heard and read!!

Jersey - I think all of this has been a reminder (especially for those of us with younger children) to enjoy every moment.... I am not looking forward to returning to work because I just don't want to miss anything!!  I think it will ge a little easier to work next year when my youngest starts kindergarten, but in the meantime; I'm really going to miss him everyday... even though I am lucky; I will just put him in daycare 3 days a week and get 4 full days with him... that's still pretty good. My pain is getting better everyday.... even 9 days out... I drove today; even though I'm not "allowed" to... but I had to get my son to football practice... they play for the championship tomorrow morning!!  OMG... laughing my butt off.... I wear sunglasses everywhere and keep them on until it's way to dark to have them on... I know people think I'm crazy... but dang, no eyebrows or eyelashes suck!!  (Ok, I exaggerate.. I have 3 eyelashes total). 

Laura - Dang, even smaller world... my BIL majored in physical therapy... what did you guys major in (that's probably the only way your paths may have crossed there!!). 

Day - you give me great hope being pain free (or pain-less) so soon after surgery... I'm still very sore and limited.  I do not know how the ladies did bilaterals... I don't know what I would have done, or be doing without one good arm... God bless them; I don't think I could have done it!!  Hope you get over your cold soon... we have surely missed your wisdom here!!

I am still up waiting for my 17 (almost 18) year old to get home... my husband is not happy about me allowing her such a late curfew tonight... but I know where she is, what she's doing, and who she is with and I am OK with it.... still worried, but can't hang on forever!! 

((HUGS)) all... sorry, so long!!! 

Hey girls,

Laura YAY for being done with the rads! I still don't know if I'm going to have them, so I'm hoping for the best :-).

Day I hope your cold will go away quickly. Fatigue sucks, I'm three weeks past my last chemo and still tired. But feeling better every day!

Jersey Mascara, what is mascara? Haven't used one for ages LOL! There is a Vietnamese manucurist in my neighbourhood, so I might give it a try, maybe they can help :-).

Leanna Amen! The relief I felt when my onc told me it was over was overwhelming. What's more I learned yesterday that I was BRCA 1 and 2 negative. WOOHOO!!! I'm not stressed about my scans, last time the tumour was 0.4x0.9 cm so it's bound to be even smaller this time. I hope your pains are fading away to zero soon and that you're enjoying every single minute with your kids :-). Oh and lashes - I wear a thick line of eye pencil to mask their lack and "paint" my eyebrows on - I call it filling in the missing parts of my face LOL!

Big hug!

Magda - congrats on being done with chemo!! I think we are all done now. Is that correct? Hopefully we are all done forever!!! BRCA negative - what a huge relief. Throughout everything, the only time I cried when I got results was when they told me I was BRCA negative. I was just so relieved. I had convinced myself that I had too much going against me to be negative.

LauraM - congrats on being done with Rads. Something else to put behind you! How great! Keep putting the creams on -especially at the boost area - for another couple of weeks.

Day - I hope you're feeling better. I really do miss your educational posts.

Jean - thanks! I had a great time doing the piece and am happy to go public to spread the word. Knowledge is power. Doesn't mean the caps are right for everyone but good to know about at least. Yay for the eyelashes. Mine are looking pretty sorry these days. The bottom ones are fine but the top ones are so short. They are a good thickness but then they just stopped growing. Guess I may need to go for that help eventually.

Thanks Denise - yep, it was me. I'm glad I wasn't in it too much and that the story featured Shirley who is an amazing woman (she started the Rapunzel Project to raise funds to put freezers in cancer centers so that there can be a more affordable way to use these caps if one wishes to).

Leanna - so happy to hear that your pain is getting better. It does kinda sound funny that you get to pick your size. What size do you start out at when they first put the TE in? and how often do you go for fills? I had heard that they like you to be fully expanded before the rads so they don't have to stretch your skin after rads. I'm sure your doctors will explain it all to you. I keep forgetting you have a teenage daughter. I know Nolan and Ryan are young athletic boys. Are they watching the World Series? Nolan Ryan...haa haa. Gotta love it! This is really going to put their names in the spotlight. I'm rooting for the Rangers now that the Yankees are out.

Hugs to all the Warriors!

Ditah

Thinking of you all!