Confessions of a hospice patient

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  • clemson93
    clemson93 Member Posts: 575
    edited October 2009

    Dan, I am new to this forum and didn't get to know Amber, but I will be having a Coke today in her honor :)

     Susan

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  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited October 2009

    I am so glad the kids had a happy day.  They will have more of them and before you know it weeks will have passed with happy faces.  However, they will have their moments where mom would have hugged them and mothered them.  That is their loss and recognizing it and offering your arms instead will help them through.  You are the perfect person to be both parents to them.

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  • Amberzhubby
    Amberzhubby Member Posts: 7
    edited January 2010

    Hello Everyone!

    Its been a couple of months since I have been on here.  Man have they been busy months.  The kids and I have been doing pretty well.  They seem to be basically as happy as you can be having just lost mom.  I miss Amber so much but the children don't give me much time to feel sorry for myself and I think that's a good thing.  I know some of you keep up with us on Amber's blog which I really try hard to update once a month.

    A question: Is there any way to bump a post by Amber from 12/07 to where I could copy it to our blog?  Amber made it more difficult to find because some time she changed her username to mrs_x_sunneedazee from something else that I can't remember.  I think some family member was spying her comments via google or something.  She considered this site a place to say whatever you felt without worrying about how people would take it.  I can't remember the name of the post but it had to do with a discussion about whether she would give cancer back (if she could) if she had to give back all of the things she had gained through the experience.  I know the post was 12/07. 

    I want very badly to perserve for our children anything they can read later that showed how strong, couragous and full of faith there mother was.  Let me know if you know a way or even know Amber's old name.

    Thanks,

    Dan

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  • Dejaboo
    Dejaboo Member Posts: 2,916
    edited January 2010

    Good to hear from you Dan.

    I searched & found this post.  I hope this is the one you are looking for.

    The Title/link is:

    If you could trade cancer, would you?

    Pam


    Edited to fix Link

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited January 2010

    Good ot hear from you, Dan...We all miss Amber so much........She was a beautiful woman inside and out.....Please give the kids hugs form all of us......Hope you had a good Christmas, considering.....

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited January 2010

    Hi, Dan ~  I was glad to see your post tonight, and even happier to learn about that thread from 2007, which I just read for the first time.  What a wonderful testament to Amber's faith and her wisdom in recognizing the positive things that came into her life because of bc.  I understand exactly what she was saying, and I know your children will understand it, too, when they are old enough. 

    Blessings to you and your family.  I think of you often, and I will never forget sweet, beautiful Amber...    Deanna

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  • cookiegal
    cookiegal Member Posts: 3,296
    edited January 2010

    Dan one of the things I think about often is how you said you were priveleged to help Amber in a way most people don't get to do until they are elderly.

    What a remarkable way to frame the situation.

    I hope you and your family have a good new year!

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  • susanmary
    susanmary Member Posts: 137
    edited January 2010

    Thank you so much for sharing with us.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Hugs

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  • pee
    pee Member Posts: 456
    edited March 2010

    Your post was so comforting.  Your decision is one made with the confidence of one who knows where she is going and is fully prepared to go there.  Thank you for sharing your strength and faith and love with us.

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  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 12,678
    edited August 2010

    Thhinking of you and your family Amber.  We miss you.

    xoxo

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  • marle
    marle Member Posts: 12
    edited August 2010

    My dear your letter is so touching,my hart is ache-ing for you.Lost my sister  who was struggle from breast cancer for 12 years  in 2009 a month after my mystectomy.i Know now what she  have has being through.Don`t give up.May God give you the strength to fight this disease.You are in my prayer.Lots of hugs and love Marlè

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited August 2010

    Thank you so much Amber for sharing your decision with us.  However, what is it that Hospice does for someone that being in your own home with a caretaker would not do?  I have always misunderstand what Hospice can and cannot do.  It seems from what I have learned from others who selected Hospice, they have a part in the decision when you depart and they make it quicker and less painful at the end.  Is this true?  The main difference between them and being in the care of a doctor at the end is that the doctors will keep one in pain until the very last filling one with morphine. How would the Hospice eliminate the pain without the morphine?  Does one get a choice when they are ready to go if the Hospice takes over?   It seems like there is something very "secretive" in this and I can't help but wonder what it is all about.

    Frankly those I know who put themselves in the care of the Hospice did have a passing with "dignity" and it was easier on all involved (if "passing" of a loved one in any means can be easy). What is the doctor's involvment when one chooses Hospice?  I am so sorry it has come to this for you but grateful you have found a way to do it "your" way.  Strength and blessings to you.

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  • Artemis
    Artemis Member Posts: 759
    edited August 2010

    Marle and Medigal ~ our dear Amber passed away in October. Frown

    Medigal ~ here is an article that answers many questions about hospice; I learned a lot from it.

    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/02/100802fa_fact_gawande?currentPage=all

    Hugs,
    Artemis

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  • Medigal
    Medigal Member Posts: 1,412
    edited August 2010

    Artemis:  I just found a PM from another kind poster who told me Amber was no longer with us.  I feel like such a fool for not paying attention to the dates on these threads.  Maybe a part of me just doesn't want to believe we can lose our beloved members like this.  Thank you for the article. I will read it now.

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  • cookiegal
    cookiegal Member Posts: 3,296
    edited August 2010

    Amber was such a wonderful writer, she really was talented.

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  • Artemis
    Artemis Member Posts: 759
    edited August 2010
    Medigal ~ no need to feel foolish.  It's easy to lose track of dates and things on such a large board. *hugs*
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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited August 2010

    For those of you who didn't know Amber, if her website is still up (it's noted in her signature line and on her profile page), I would really encourage you to take a peek at it.  She was not only inspirational as a bc sister and fighter, but as a Mother and woman of very strong faith.  This thread was only one of many inspiring things I remember about her.  And her story about her delayed dx is also something we should all know about, to try to prevent from happening to anyone else.      Deanna 

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  • marle
    marle Member Posts: 12
    edited October 2010

    So sorry to hear about Amber,she is in a place where  their is no pain or suffer.

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  • angel80
    angel80 Member Posts: 15
    edited November 2010

    You know what, you  are not a failure you are living life to the fullnest and are at peace with your decision, there is a time when treatment is no longer helping I pray for many good days with your family and may God bless you.

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