I'm so angry

IM so very sorry about your mom, that is just unacceptable for how she was treated, I wish i could give you some good advice, im not stage iv and dont know much about it but i do know there is a stage iv thread here with ladies there who have there dx under control and have for years and been able to manage it, You may want to go to the stage iv thread they may be able to help you get some answers big hugs to you and your mom, and again im sorry she is going thru this.((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Welcome. I too am sorry that this has happened to your mother and family. I'd also recommend the Stage IV threads. They are wonderfully supportive. As to your anger, you may have to go the legal route, just to feel that you've done something. Or you may decide along the way it isn't right for you. You have every right to be angry, sad, devastated. I wish I could tell you what would make you feel better, but it's going to take some time. If you exercise, you'll want to step that up. If you don't, try taking a walk everyday. Yoga helps me process anger and sadness. But find some way to escape even if it's for only a few minutes. Keep coming back and encourage your mother to come here as well. Keeping you close in my thoughts.

I am so sorry that your Mom and your family are going through this.  I understand why you are angy but if your Mom doesn't have much time left, I would suggest that you channel the anger into her care and support, making sure that she has the best care possible now.  You don't want your anger to make it more difficult for your mother, or make her feel like she should have done something differently.  You don't want your anger to take away from the time that you do have left.

While I understand that you are angry with the situation, you need to consider whether anything could have been done that would have changed this.  That's really unclear from what you've told us about her situation. What was your mother's initial diagnosis in 2006 and what was her treatment at that time? Was it the appropriate treatment? And what was her follow-up process over the next 3 years, until the time that the oncologist said that she'd see your mother again in a year?  Was everything going well up to that point? The fact is that recurrences often show up unexpectedly - scans are clear and everything seems fine and then one day something happens that alerts the doctor to the fact that mets might have developed.  If the initial treatment was appropriate for the diagnosis, then it's possible that nothing could have changed this.  Once the bone mets was discovered, what tests were done?  What treatments did your mother get at that time?  And how much time was there between the discovery of the bone mets and the brain and spinal mets?  While bone mets often is manageable, the fact is that it is mets and it's not curable and it's not predictable.  At some point the cancer will advance.  In many cases that doesn't happen for many many years, but in some cases the progression is very quick. 

With breast cancer anything can happen.  The prognosis can be great but there might still be a recurrence.  The risk of mets might be tiny, but someone might still develop mets.  And once mets develops, sometimes the treatments work and the patient becomes NED (no evidence of disease) for a lengthy period of time but sometimes nothing works and the cancer progresses.

I'm not suggesting that there were no errors made in your mother's cases (or more to the point, significant errors that might have impacted prognosis) - without more information, it's not possible to know - but unfortunately what has happened to your mother happens to many women who are diagnosed with breast cancer, even when everything is done right. 

Anger is part of the grief process; denial, bargaining, anger, depression then acceptance (Kubler-Ross)     You have every right to be ANGRY AS H#LL over this situation and you very may have a valid legal case.     My suggestion (having lived thru my dad's death from colon cancer) is not to get stuck in one of the stages.       

My brother refused to visit my dying dad.  I was enormously, incredibly angry then even more angry b/c family members took sides!     I guess we all wanted to spend our energy on anger. My point is that I fortunately reached acceptance just b/f my father died.   But all that anger could have prevented it.   And my dad would not have died knowing that I was going to take care of everything (my mother is mentally ill)

So I'm just hoping that my experience might help you.   I am not at all  saying that you should not be angry at those docs.