Down in the dumps

yes, everyone seems so busy.  I work from home and sometimes feel a bit isolated from the rest of the world. I had a lot of support in the beginning but now everyone has gone on with their lives, and I guess that's as it should be. .....

I worry about the damn thing coming back but that's part of the territory. I try to keep busy but don't put too much pressure on myself to be busy constantly. I have no desire to be busy constantly......I work from home part time, I take yoga classes, and I'm taking a college course in music. I also pray a lot and God listens.  Just because you don't hear from people frequently, it does not mean they are not thinking of you and loving you. You also have support here!!! I have learned that we each must make our own lives and find our own fulfillment with or without breast cancer!!  Try to find what makes you happy and do it...........hugs to you. 

Me too, grannydukes.

Kayec, YES! I have down days, and I think the long term of your cancer surgeries is longer than most, and it eventually gets you down, making one feel removed from the world. I had 3 surgeries which in between 6 biopsies, and now chemo, before even the radiation, has made this a very LONG strrssful period, topping a year when radiation is through. I think length of time has alot to do with the depression too. You have been throgh so much! Just trying to give your body time and patience, not alone the long period you have endured this, is hard in the best of cases.

You are not alone, believe me. My best friend has called me once. I know some people have trouble dealing with the fears of cancer, but I have realized that difficult friendships are not for me anymore, reserving all my energy for my recovery. Try not to waste negative vibes on someone who is inept in being a good friend. Sometimes I find peace in the fact that I am ok, even when I am alone, and when I get depressed I find some distraction that gives me positive energy. It doesn't always work, but what I have learned from all this is valuable life skills.

And I am a firm believer that when bad things happen to someone, good things will come in return, with patience, Maybe not right now, but it will be there in your future.

Breast cancer is so isolating, even men won't discuss it! It really puts us out there in limbo, and forcing us to deal with the daily changes by ourselves. I hate how people treat us differently now. I hate how people blubber some stupid comment about cancer, or who died, or who survived. I don't want to hear about cancer! I want to hear about life! I'm still the same person!

It's been dreary weather around here and boy, does it change my mood. All I want to do is eat, and that sucks. It doesn't even taste good.

What I do when I am depressed:

1Hang out at Amazon.com and buy something I always wanted!

2Browse a dream sheet of things I'm going to do later

3Read funny storries or eat something I shouldn't. lol

4Find a cause online that distracts me from Breast Cancer, like Wildlife Preservation, etc.

5Tell some idiot that, no, the dog throwing up was not life changing trauma.

6Tell someone I love them

7Call the doc [have done this twice] and said I wanted to try a mild antidepressent.

8Find an old movie

So dear girl, I hear ya, and totally understand. I often wonder how I will get my respect back, because it feels so condescending to be like this. People are so weird. Such hard efforts to remain the person we were. All of it. The light at the end of the dark tunnel is coming, I figure, after Christmas. I'm shuting the door on all this crap about then!! Hang tough there! I am a firm believer that payback is joy and happiness in the future, for all we have been through. We have to stay focused on that rather than the moment, as hard as that is. Let your feelings be. It's ok to be sad, mad and discouraged. Those are temp of course.

Kayec, I thought I would post to let you know that what you are dealing with is very common and normal during this process.  It seems like your recon has had some setbacks but one it will get completed and you will be so happy with it.  I had moments during all of my treatments where I felt down and like the other ladies have said you have to take little moments and do some things that give you comfort.  Eat that ice cream, buy a juicy book, get that pair of boots that make you feel fabulous.  Also, do have a few other BC sisters that you can call or meet for coffee?  I did not go to a "support group" but I ended up with friends of friends that reached out to me and I had a few different ladies that I could talk to when things were low and I knew that they would understand.  I really do think that our families and non-bc friends can not deal with going to a fearful place in their minds so they act as if nothing is wrong.  They will follow your lead, I believe, and if you let them know that you are struggling a little some of them may be glad that they can finally do something for you.  I think we all keep stiff upper lips while going through all of this crap.  Some days you just need to yell, "I have freakin cancer and I need some attention". Best wishes to you and be gentle with yourself during this trying time.  It does get better I promise.  xoxo 

Sending lots of HUGS....