Dealing with life and cancer.

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D4Hope
D4Hope Member Posts: 352
edited June 2014 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

Cancer is rough enough in the best of circumstances. What happens when everything else in your life is falling apart and stress is the main thing you can't find relief from? I guess I am just having a bad few months. I see my cancer surgeon tomorrow and I am terrified of the pains I have been having in my back and ribs. I also have a very difficult son and I feel like I am going crazy.

Thanks for reading my rant, I was never one for falling apart but lately that is all I seem to do.

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  • D4Hope
    D4Hope Member Posts: 352
    edited October 2010

    OOPS. I meant to post this in the IDC thread. I don't think it matters though. Hoping everyone is having a better week than I am.

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited October 2010

    it can be too much to handle.  i was always the strong one - been thru so many crisis in my life.  bc is another story all together.  i need ambien to sleep, diazepm/lorazapam for anxiety attacks and just recently started on lexapro - anti-depressant.  besides all of that i am in weekly therapy.  i am unable emotionally to work and i worked for 30 years.

    i guess what i am trying to say is that you are not alone - get help.  don't look at it as a sign of weakness.  i am doing everything possible to eliminate stress in my life but it took me a year and a total mental breakdown to realize that i desparately needed help.

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  • Susie123
    Susie123 Member Posts: 804
    edited October 2010

    Would your son by chance be a teenager? Mine has been stopped for speeding twice since school started and brought home a girl with the word "hottie" across her chest..so I totally understand.

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  • D4Hope
    D4Hope Member Posts: 352
    edited October 2010

    I take ambien and lorazapam and celexa. There are social workers at my cancer center and I will give them a call. I had a therapist but my insurance changed and doesn't cover her.

    My son has been having issues since he was small. He is a teenager and I assume hormones in puberty make everything worse. Thanks for the replies. This place really makes me feel better.

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited October 2010

    D4Hope ~ So sorry you're having such a rough time with things.  How old is your son?  Are you talking about a hyper-active child, rebellious teen, or ???  I think that could make a difference in the encouragement and ideas others have for you.

    I think a breast cancer dx and tx leaves us so emotionally exhausted that it's especially hard to deal with anything else frustrating in our lives.  I don't have any particular wisdom for you -- just that I think talking to others, especially women with similar challenges, can be incredibly cathartic and encouraging.  Hopefully you'll find that here and/or in a local support group.

    The only other thing I can add is the advice that gets a lot of us through the overwhelming process of dx & tx -- one step, one thing at a time.  Hopefully, you can get any necessary testing behind you ASAP, which we all pray will be B9, and then start to tackle the other stresses in your life, one at a time. 

    Hope tomorrow's a better day for you!    Deanna

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited October 2010

    i have a 15 year old stepson that lives w/ us and sees his mother at the most 6 hours per month.  part of de-stressing was to totally disengage from him.  this forced his dad - my dh - to finally step up to the plate and be a parent versus setting me up for years to be the bad guy while he was the fun dad.  this kid has 3 parents in his life - his dad that was always too tired to parent, his mother who does not know how to be a parent, would rather do her drugs and drink, and i ended up as the stepmom taking the brunt of it all.  when i disengaged this kid had no parent in his life so to speak.

    it took about 2 months of me steppng back and not doing a thing for him until my dh stepped up to the plate.  i refuse to drive the stepson anywhere unless it is a 911 emergency and his dad is out of town.

    teenagers - just think - girls are worse!

    susie - i would take the car away from him but then again i am just an evil stepmom - lol

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  • D4Hope
    D4Hope Member Posts: 352
    edited October 2010

    My son has anxiety, depression and a mood disorder. He is being treated for this but sometimes he is just unmanageable. He is thirteen. I also have an eleven and nine year old. My husband is great but our son does cause us alot of stress. It's not his fault and he really is a great kid at times. I sometimes wonder if I will be here for my kids when they are grown or that they will lose me before they are grown. The first thing I thought about when I was diagnosed was OMG what is going to happen to my kids?

    Thanks for listening.

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  • D4Hope
    D4Hope Member Posts: 352
    edited October 2010

    Jancie I have one girl and so far she is a piece of cake. She just started middle school so I am sure her head will start spinning soon LOL.

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  • Susie123
    Susie123 Member Posts: 804
    edited October 2010

    I think hormones do play a big role in the teenage boys life. Mine was the perfect child, until his senior year. Now he's a challenge. I'm just taking it one day at a time, realizing that I can't totally control many areas of my life anymore. That's a hard place to be. Hopefully your pains will be unrelated to your bc so that can be one less thing on your plate. Good luck tomorrow. I'll say a little prayer for you tonight.  Susie

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited October 2010

    I have grown children and grown grandkids that still stress me out.

    THE STRESS WILL GET US BEFORE THE CANCER DOES.

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  • KitCat1
    KitCat1 Member Posts: 53
    edited October 2010

    Hi ,

    I have twin boys age 9 and they are a hanfdul! My life has always been stressed and now this BC has taken over. I am always thinking about it and  worried about  aches and pains and every other thing that is not of the norm. i too worry about my kids and the future.I can't bear to think of them without me! I hate this...... wish it would  all go away and we could wake up from this nightmare!!

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  • JanetinVirginia
    JanetinVirginia Member Posts: 1,516
    edited October 2010

    Maybe think about taking your son with you for family therapy?   It' hard to know what goes on in their heads - but he's probably worried sick inside too!  Or maybe there are some group sessions with kids the same age whose mothers or fathers dealing w/cancer.  Nothing like peer pressure!!  Would help him to sort out his feelings, see that he's not alone, and look at his behavior in a different light.  Teenage years are hard enough when everyone is totally healthy - this cancer takes a toll on whole family.  God bless & hope the pains are NOTHING to worry about!

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