Starting Chemo in June 2005

Brenda - glad to hear it about tucking in your boys. 'cause the way I figure it, if he's gonna let me, I'm gonna do it! Sometimes when I'm so tired, though, he comes and tucks me in.

Love the leaf blower! LOL!!!

Guess I'll go remove my Avatar and try it again.

Jen

LOL, Liz!!! I would ask you what was he thinking, but there's just no telling!

So glad you got your treatment yesterday. And your last one to boot!!! Good for you. I've still got the one more, but you and the other finishers are my inspiration!! I know I can reach the goal.

Jen

" A cruise, a cruise , my kingdom for a cruise!"
Just kidding.
This was a good week. No big suprises. Radiation everyday and despite a big wet snow storm we had no travel difficulties.
The best part was I got to visit my daughter at college and bring her some much needed supplies like a refridgerator and a hot pot.
I felt like the calvery coming in to save the day.
I am so glad she has come a long way. When I first lost my hair she couldn't even look at me and now she proudly introduced me to her new friends in the dorm.
I love every second I can get with her.
This weekend I will paint pictures of her like I did last weekend. Now that my "chemo eye" problem is a thing of the past I can paint and read and "do" .
I'm feeling more optomistic over all. There are three more weeks of radiation and then an operation (hopefully after Christmas).
When I first heard treatment would take a year I didn't believe it but I guess it really is true.
The radiologyu doctor said this week that I would miss coming up every day. I was so suprised I said " Are you out of your cotton picken mind?" . But she has been right about everything else so I suppose she will be right about this too.
She is the best Dr. I have ever had.she gets me.

I have a port question....My onc wants me to keep my port a little while longer. He OBVIOUSLY missed the conversation where I said this was the last of cancer and chemo... He hesitantly agreed to let me have it out sooner than later. Anyone keeping their port through rads?
Or, is everyone getting their's out?

Thanks!

Rebecca...did you ask why he wants to keep it in until after radiation. My doctor said mine can come out. They all do things somewhat differently, so I wouldn't worry...but I would ask him for an explanation.

Jen...you would be nuts to stay home and clean...it will only get messed up again. Have a great day!

Liz

Watson...whine and pout all you want...stamp your feet too if that feels better. That is bad timing for you to have to be without your husband. Just remember that it probably makes your friends and family feel better to do things for you...so even though it's much more comfortable having your husband help..take all the help you can get!

The port doesn't bother me either...but I know what you mean about having it out...makes it official that chemo is over. My doctor said some people like to keep it in...but he doesn't understand why. If, heaven forbid, I needed chemo again I would just get another port. When it's not in use you have to have it flushed every six weeks.

I didn't feel well enough to go into work today, so I am feeling rather whiney myself. Daytime TV does not thrill me and I don't feel up to doing much of anything. I should start feeling better tomorrow...and hopefully, better each day after that.

Brenda...haven't heard from you in a while...what is the eyebrow count now? I am starting to feel more of a "five o'clock shadow" than peach fuzz on my head...so maybe there will be some hair growth soon!

What is everyone else up to?

Liz

Hi, Liz, I'm here. Busy, I had to teach last week on both Wednesday and Thursday, cause the class started a week late and I owed a class. Yesterday was gorgeous and I cleaned out flower beds, which I'm usually really bad about doing before the weather gets bad. I overdid it, though, and last night couldn't go to sleep I was in such pain from my knee I twisted, and my arthritic back. I finally took a couple of the pain pills I got aafter surgery, which I never had taken after filling the prescription. (Tylenol w/ codeine) It worked, though. And today I'm going to take it easy. Does anybody else feel like they've aged about thirty years since diagnosis? I was looking at pictures on the computer yesterday and saw some of me just a year ago, it was scary to think how strong and healthy I looked then, and how old and sickly (I think) I look now. Feel it, too. I thought after chemo I would bounce back really fast, and I'm still dragging my a$$ most days, just to get done what I have to do!!!

About the port.....
It was my surgeon who thought I should wait until after radiation to have it out because of issues having to do with slow healing following chemo.
Then he changed his mind and I had mine out two weeks after chemo was done.
It still aches as if it was inside me but I can move around much better.
Thanks for your kind words Liz.
And Yes, Brenda I feel old, old , old. Actually I don't feel that old I just look it. Especially compared to my husband who looks great.
We had an early appt. today. I got mapped for the final radiaiton boosts to the tumor location.
I still have three weeks to go.
My hair and eyebrows are coming in quickly now.
I finally had the "guts" to read my pathology report this weekend. I also went through the file I started after diagnosis and threw out some of the information that I am finished with.
It is all still scary but in a more conceptual way. In a more distant murky way than it was at the beginning.
Friends report that I seem more upbeat and that I seem to have come to terms with things.
I don't think that is exactly right. I think I just couldn't hold onto the fear with by my finger nails anymore. something had to change because the quality of my daily life was not good.
Or maybe I am just behaving better because I feel better.
I am glad they notice a change...sometimes others can see growth when the person involved in a situation doesn't see or feel anything has changed.
I saw Michael J Fox on Inside the Actors Studio last night. Once again his attitude impressed me.
I would like to have that kind of dignity. I'm a messy processor and who knows? Maybe he is in the privacy of his own home too.

Oh Dearest Fi!
I will finish chemo in November, but I won't start rads until late December or after first of year. I'll be a tag a long!

Watson!

oh thank heavens Watson,

shall i pop a message in a bottle for the dolphins to read so that they can come visit you too?

Fi

Watson, we are like the Marines....We won't leave anyone behind. I plan on reading this thread for a while longer.....Hang in there. When we are finished, then, we can ALL celebrate!

one more to go!!! yesterday I wore the pink wig to chemo-they loved it! unfortunitily it was the sad groups day to show up, even the upbeat nurses were having a hard time with them. I just sat in my chair and prayed for them. I think I will miss seeing the nurses-just not the stuff.
I can't think of next year though-handing out candy I was afraid to imagine next halloween-although I know I will be there I could think about it. I just tried to live in the moment.
Hope all is well thinking of all of you
Love
Bev

Liz, it's so true about not knowing what it does to you until you've been through it. My mother had cancer (don't even know what kind, but abdominal) when I was 14, and I was so uninvolved in what she was going through that I'm embarassed to remember it. All I remember caring about was how it affected ME! She had surgery then radiation, but I don't think chemo was even available. My sister said the radiation made her sick, but I don't remember. She lived until she was 79, BTW. Then, my sister (14 years older) had melanoma when I was 22, with a new baby. I didn't live close by, but still, I'm embarassed that I didn't support her, I was so involved with my own life. Now that it's me, I see how much I should have, could have done. But I can also understand how people just don't get outside themselves to support others, especially when they are young. Empathy comes from experience in most cases, or at least from a wisdom that understands that "it could be me."

I've been entertaining my coworkers today by doing the Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club thing with my hair.

I flip my head over my desk and let the rainshower of "hair" just come a tumblin' down! Oh well, it's good for a laugh! Better than crying!


Watson

Watson...I do love your sense of humor! What a visual!

Fester...ummm I mean Nancy...actually you look cute!

Brenda...It's more that I get annoyed when people tell me I should take a nap when I tell them how fatigued I am. I know they want to help, but sometimes the suggestions show they just don't have a clue. I don't expect anyone else to live my disease...but I just wish they would stop offering silly advice. One of the girls at work suggested a nail supplement when she saw how my nails are getting...duh...it's the friggin chemo causing this. I've also received hair growth tips, diet tips (to prevent BC...think it's too late for that!), etc. Like I said, people do mean well and I realize I can be over sensitive at times, but there are moments that I want to scream!

Good news...I actually see some hair..yes hair...not fuzz, not lint, but hair...very little of it...but it's hair and it's on my head! Have a few eyebrows growing in too! I am so glad that I will not have to take decadron again! Actually slept last night. I am really getting excited about the possibility of my taste buds returning...I keep changing my mind about the meal I am going to have! Usually I start getting a little taste back just before I get chemo. Thursday when I had chemo at the hospital, they served me lunch. I could taste it and it was wonderful...I think the nurses thought I was nuts raving over hospital food like it was fine dining!

Liz