My pink problem
I think I am figuring out one of the things that bothers me about Pinktober.
It is like the tampon/maxi pads commercials with the horseback riding and the yoga and the night clubbing. The commercials say that my period is supposed to make me want to do those things.
All the breast cancer awareness marketing puts off the same vibe. You see all these smiling, pink bandanna wearing women doing marathons, ER+ woman on the beach or at the gym because their bones are so strong now.
Having my period doesn't make me want to go to a kickboxing class and having breast cancer hasn't compelled me to ..... whatever it is that I am not doing right, because I sure don't feel like the women in the awareness ads.
Women die, children are orphaned, women are being "pinked" which means to cut in a jagged line (I find that so ironic).
When I was diagnosed, I was literally given a breast cancer welcome kit with the bracelet and the scarf and angel pin and various sundries. They might as well handed me my reconstructed boobs and my marathon entry number tag to pin to my pink T-shirt.
So forgive me for not attending your Pink Pampered Chef party or drinking the Pink bottled water. I just don't get it, there must have been something missing in my welcome kit. God Bless the women that embrace the Pink, maybe it does remind someone to do a self exam. I don't mean to sound like I am taking anything away from those that do embrace the Pink. I just hate that I could be bathed in Pink Pepto Bismol and I would still feel scared, scarred and screwed.
This is what breast cancer looks like to me, there is nothing pink about it.
Comments
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Melinda, I sure wish someone was collecting essays like yours and publishing them for the world to see. (I see you do have a blog, where you've probably posted your comments. Good for you!)
"I just don't get it, there must have been something missing in my welcome kit." No kidding. Mine, too.
Good metaphor: the "pinking" of breast cancer:
With shears of the appropriate color, of course:
Hugs (and I hope you don't mind that I contributed to your thread, even though I normally don't post in this forum)...
otter
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Otter: No problem, love the feedback and didn't know where to stick my post. Actually, I am curious if the pink problem relates to what stage you are in and I see you were diagnosed early (Thank Goodness!).
Sometimes I think I am just being snippy and bitter, so it helps to know I am not alone!
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Melinda- Love your post!!
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I'm not stage III either, but your post was very powerful. It moved me.
hugs,
Bren
PS ... I got a little "welcome to breast cancer" kit too. It upset me very much. The kit didn't tell me the truth.
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I don't think that pink hatred is based on your stage...I'm a II and I HATE this freaking month!! Melinda your post was fabulous...you are beautiful! Screw breast cancer and all this pink stuff that goes with it, my favorite response when someone asking for a donation or I see someone wearing some form of breast cancer parifinalia is "you wear it, I live it." That is usually enough to get to stop and think. I think most of us feel that Pinktober is a waste of time and a mass marketing, money making machine. Hears to being a jaded grumpy BC survivor!
Cheers (with pink champagne of course!)
Angi
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I'm early stage also, and I also find the whole Pink Marketing industry extremely offensive. I thought it was commercially exploitative even before I had bc, but now that it's personal I also feel the gross insensitivity of it all -- so I am even more firmly in the Pink Stinks camp than ever before. As for those horrendous Pinktober-related merchandise parties, I have quite a thread about that over in the "Moving Beyond" forum!
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A friend of mine has a very succinct term to describe all those companies who jump on the Pink Profits
bandwagon every October: "Pink Wh***s" (had to put in the asterisks to keep it G-rated, LOL!) -
melinda,
your post was amazing. i had a breast cancer scare at the end of september and i literally could not have the radio on in the car because if i heard one more advertisement for breast cancer awareness month or pink merchandise, i thought i was going to loose it. as it is i did not have breast cancer but i do have adh, and the whole pinktober is too much for me. i was so glad to read here on these boards that some woman who are diagnosed feel the same as me. i thought there was something wrong with me, that i could not embrace the pink move. thanks to you and others who share your feelings about "pinking" so that woman like me don't feel like we are some how wrong for not embracing the pink movement.
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Just read this topic and completely agree with every word!
Hear hear!!
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Melinda...you are not alone in your feelings and it was well put. While at stage iv, I do have kinder treatment due to the 'Pink Parade' - I am now on the really dark side of this crap - there was nothing 'pink' about it at my stage II and there for sure is nothing 'pink' about it now that it has returned except for the additional pink scars that are a constant reminder that cancer has taken more of my body.
I wish more people would truly know about how the 'donations' really work. For instance, 100% of the profits go to bc research - operative word 'profit', deducting the cost of the product, the labor, the special 'pink' set up, marketing, and salaries - how much 'profit' ends up as a donation - it can be as little as 1/2 % and on top of that, some companies set 'caps' of how much they will donate and once the cap is reached, people are still buying the item and 0% is being donated to bc research. It is really so deceiving and yet, people still fall for it year after year.
Today is National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day - please take a moment to honor those we have lost to this horrid beast - 40,000 every year and applaud those - 160,000 of us - who continue treatment in order to live with it as long as we can.
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Well put, Melinda! Here's a New York Times piece that nails it as well. This all trivializes our experience and makes it nothing more than a marketing gimmick. When we started getting pink buckets of chicken and pink bottles of wine, we turned a dark corner. Pat
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/11/pink-ribbon-fatigue/
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Melinda ~
Love your post and I could not agree with you more.
((((HUGS))))
Alicia
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Melinda, you echo the thoughts and feelings of many of us. You are not snippy and bitter. You are strong, assertive, and willing to speak out! I'm tired of bc being turned into something pink and fluffy, tired of it being trivialized, misunderstood, sexualized, and on and on. Not to mention the exploitation by so many companies. So thank you.
There are a number of anti-pink threads going right now, and as I've read them, I've wanted to copy and paste various comments into a document (names removed) and send it out to all the media who keep promoting pink, who just don't get it, and who never hear this side of things. However, although I know our comments are considered public, I still regard them as being shared here within the context and support of the boards and so in my mind they're private. Besides, I believe bc.org would have to clear that first anyway. But most of all, I've never wanted to violate anyone in any way by copying without asking. But I'm wondering... what if we cleared it with bc.org, and start a thread that at the top says, if you'd like to share comments on how you feel about Pinktober and the pinking of bc that will be shared with the media, please post here... would that work for anyone? We could compile for so many days, make sure everyone knew we wouldn't use names, locations, etc... Does this sound like a remotely reasonable idea? Any thoughts?
I only suggest it because darn it, the world needs to hear us, not the Pink Promoters! I've composed a couple of letters I'm sending out (one to the "bras across the river" promoters and one to our local paper) but my voice alone doesn't mean as much as many voices together. Alone, I just feel like they'll read my letters and say I'm snippy and bitter
or something like that... but having the support of many voices, they might realize the problems with Pinkober, etc.Lowrider, I posted a comment about National Metastatic BC Awareness day using your facts on my FB page... a small something, but something.
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Melinda, I so agree with you!
The grocery store I shop at always has pink ribbon-shaped mylar balloons during October. They're floating above the cash register with the birthday, new baby, happy anniversary, and Halloween balloons, which are all things we celebrate. Am I suppose to "celebrate" breast cancer? Really? I guess it's the context that makes me raise an eyebrow. I suppose some people buy them for a recently diagnosed friend, but I sure wouldn't find the presence of a pink ribbon balloon in my hospital room comforting...just a constant reminder of the sorry situation I was in.
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Melinda~ Your story and your photo are so powerful. I was diagnosed in October 5 years ago. I had Pinktober Rage for a few years. It is truly an emotional mixed bag for me.
Mostly I was pissed that these companies try to paint a pretty little pink picture of this horrible BEAST of a disease for COMPANY PROFIT. That is really despicable. The true philanthropists will not have caps on donations, no crappy percentage donated, and frankly will support breast cancer research/survivors/awareness/detection all year long. I got all the pink ribbon stuff from well-meaning friends. I gave them away, could not wear them. It seemed like somehow wearing that stuff meant I was celebrating having breast cancer. Early detection is not a cure, and it didn't exist at all for me or most of my bc friends. How about the not-so-pretty awareness: you are never too young for breast cancer, you can still get it with no risk factors and no family history. There is nothing fun or cute about breast cancer.
Anyway, I still do not like the pink marketing. It hurts less and less the further I get from diagnosis. But this year was a truly turning point for me. My son's peewee football coach asked the boys (I help coach the team, but no one knew I had bc) if they wanted to wear a hot pink sock on game days in October to support breast cancer awareness and the women who are fighting the disease. These 8 &9 year old boys voted an unanimous yes. They are so proud to wear their socks and support this cause. They don't even make any money off of it. I know my son is especially touched (not sure if he has told his team mates yet) that his friends are supporting a cause that has affected our family so tremendously. Who knew a bunch of little kids could warm my cold pinkwashed heart??
My tag line "Are we there yet?" is sadly still there, because NO we are not there. No Cause. No Cure. Still beautiful women fighting this disease every day. Beautiful women dying every day.
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Melinda - your post is amazingly honest and very well put -- I couldn't agree more with what you have written and the picture adds volumes.
Today there was an article in our local newspaper about a woman who was diagnosed with BC several years ago. She has written/self published a book entitled "Blessed with Cancer". Now, 8 years later, BC has recurred in her bones, Stage 4, and she is beginning another book called "Blessed with Cancer, Again". She seems to honestly believe that cancer has been and continues to be a blessing in her life. I was put off by the whole article and the picture of her in the chemo room in full make up, beautiful nails and hair, skinny jeans and high heels -- I guess she's found a way to get attention and make a little money and maybe that's the "blessing" for her. If you were to write a book about your experience with BC, what would it be called? Mine would be something like "Stage 3 Breast Cancer -- One Woman's Reality", but it would likely be too "real" for the masses.
As for pink, I've never been able to equate it with BC -- someone chose a nice, youthful pastel color and capitalized on it -- brilliant marketing that has nothing to do with actual breast cancer patients, survivors, sufferers. It's just, as my dear late mother would have said, a bunch of crap.
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I know that cancer can help some women reevaluate their lives and make positive changes, and I'm all for that... but really, cancer as a "blessing" or a "gift?" Is this a gift you would give your mother/sister/friend/etc? Give me a break.
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Love your post Melinda. If you're snippy and bitter then kudos to you cuz I'm snippy and bitter too!
I blame Oprah for the whole getting cancer is a blessing/gift. She's actually said this on her show when trotting out some celebrity who is now "cured". People like Oprah (who I don't really have anything against per se) perpetuate this image of the positive, courageous cancer survivor who beat the disease and is now stronger and better than ever.
No one wants to hear about the dark moments, about the fear or about those women who are stage IV and can't put it behind them because they're living with it everyday. I've had cancer twice, ovarian in 2002 and breast in 2007 and, believe me, these days I'm looking over my shoulder.
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Melinda, your post has given me chills.
I hope I'm not treading by posting in the Stage III forum. It's been a while since I've been on this site and I know there have been some issues about posting in other forums.
My reconstruction failed and I have decided against going through that again. I've basically said screw the foob and go about my day, regardless of where I'm going, with only one breast. I have told friends that if they want real breast cancer awareness, I'd be happy to walk around town topless.
If I wear my little "gifted" pink ribbon, I wear it upside down.
I'm all for research, but, really... hasn't the pink gone overboard? I am especially pissed with people who have not endured cancer and are out trying to make a dollar off of it. Why is it that the non-cancer people can make money off of us, but those who need the money can't do it?
I got so ticked off with all of the pink abuse that I've got a photo album on my Facebook completely dedicated to "Things That Go Pink Overnight". Everything from crap in the stores to store windows.
Ok, let me move on out of here before I get carried away...
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NatureGrrl, I love your idea of getting OUR message across to all the companies and organizations who are part of the Pink Marketing Empire!
We need to make people AWARE of how so many of us who are have been put "into the trenches" -- either directly or indirectly -- are offended/upset/angry/disgusted over the commercialization of our disease.
You know, every holiday season there is the inevitable public hue and cry over the crass commercialization of Christmas: that a religious holiday has been co-opted to the "service of the Almighty Dollar". Seems to me that the Pink Industry has done the same thing with breast cancer; the only difference is that we who are offended by it have not yet made our voices heard.
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Marie .. I like the idea of wearing the pink ribbon upside down.
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Melinda...I so have felt the same way and even more so every October for past 8 years. If I ever dar to express my dislike of the PINK wow I have been attacked.
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Melinda, excellent post, as others have said. You show the colors of bc for what they are: black and white.
I am outraged at the sexualization of this disease. I usually have a nicely politically incorrect sense of humour, but not for this. Today, I was walking along the streets on the way to a dr.'s appointment listening to the radio on my MP3 when I heard a rock song sung by men saying "don't forget to touch your boobies." The announcer then came on and said it was all about breast cancer "awareness." That's like having Playboy magazine publish a special October edition centerfold wearing pink shoes and bearing it all for breast cancer!
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You have made such an impact that I fail to find the words to tell you what your post meant to me. I hope you know how I feel, dear Sister!
Lin
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I didn't used to have a problem with pink month until almost a year after I was diagnosed. I did research and was apalled at how much companies make off our disease.
I have have found a survivor bracelet I love that isn't pink. Like others have said breast cancer isn't pink or pretty.
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Melinda, you are bang on!!!! What a heart felt post.
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One of these days, when I'm feeling especially naughty, and I see a group of pink-clad bc cheerleaders yelling "Save the Ta Tas," I'm going to sidle up beside them and holler "Save the Dickies! Support testicular cancer awareness." Any bets on how long before the police show up?
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Melinda, You hit the nail on the head...and BonnieK, I'm right there with you. There is no 'blessing' attached to breast cancer. Let's get real, if we lived the way we are supposed to, we shouldn't need cancer to make us pay attention to our lives!
After 14 years of mammos, one radiologist blew off a 'little suspicious area' that turned out to be nothing until the day I found the 9 cm lump a few months later. I HATE pink...was diagnosed in April, but yep, after chemo ended up having my Mastectomy in October, no less! And only 3 weeks before my 50th birthday! So now, year after year, I have to endure the constant reminder of the pink scourge, and how I continue to work toward a world where pink is once again a reminder of baby girls and valentines...not the 'romanticized' version of an absolutely horrible disease that kills and disfigures way, way too many of us.
Pink schmink... thank you Melinda for writing what I feel each and every October. If we spent all that $$$ on research and not marketing, on preventative maintenance for all women and not jewelry, on education and not scarves for our bald heads, imagine a world...where women could live without the pain of breast cancer.
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Great post although I am all for anything that actually raises money towards finding a CURE. If you are not aware of breast cancer by now than you have been living in a hole. I will happily deal with pink if someday my daughter does not get diagnosed and die from breast cancer like I will eventually.
Hugs,
Lori
(BTW, I realize and agree that a large mjortiy of all the pink crap we see is really doing nothing towards raising money)
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I completely agree with all of you ladies. There is nothing "sweet and girly" about breast cancer and I think the pink brigade poo-poos the real strength and courage of all of my sisters (and brothers) who have fought and/or continue to fight this monster. And it especially ticks me off when it is such an obvious retail marketing ploy (can you just imagine the meetings at retail headquarters where they discuss getting ready for "Breast Cancer Awareness month?). I think what did me in was the pink Snuggie I saw at the flipping Food Lion!
Interestingly, I had a follow up appointment this morning (all is well, hooray!) at the Cancer Center and I walked in fully expecting the office to look like it's been hosed down in Pepto Bismol (Steel Magnolias, anyone?) To my delighted surprise, I didn't see one pink ribbon anywhere! Do you think maybe they get it?
And if I may add to the rant...I'm almighty tired of hearing newsfolks say that so-and-so lost his/her battle with cancer. You know what? I had my boobs cut off, I went 8 rounds with chemo, 30 days of radiation, painful reconstruction. I managed to work, take care of my family and keep things almost normal. Now that it's over, we have gone back to life as we knew it and everyone is pretty darn happy. Even if this comes back and gets me a month, a year or 10 years from now, I've won.
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