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pumela115
pumela115 Member Posts: 231
edited June 2014 in Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment

I just finished my 3rd abraxane treatment and i am ready to quit. I have been sick for 11days now. The first two were fine, i was sick one day and i was fine the next. I even called my onc yesterday and told them i don't want any more. I can't stop crying and i'm so tired, my nails on my hands and feet hurt and look like they are going to fall out. My question is i have had DD AC X 4, then 3 weeks off and now i am doing Abraxane X 12, three weeks on and 1 off, then i have 6 weeks rads and Arimedix for 5 years, has anyone with or close to my dx had this much chemo? I really don't think i can finish. I live by myself and don't have anyone that can come and help me. The only time i can go out is if i go to get groceries. I really need to go back to work as of this week i have no more income coming in.I don't know what to do! Thanks for listening to me rant and best wishes to everyone fighting this horrible disease!!!!!!

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited October 2010

    My advice to you from the heart -and only from the heart- is make the decision that will enable you to live your present to the best of your ability, because no one can guarantee the future. Chemo has zero overall survival benefit for breast cancer anyway. It is given to reduce your risk of getting ill with breast cancer again in the future (something debatable) by killing any stray cells, but if it is already rendering you barely functional, then I don't see how the treatment is worth it.

    I am so sorry to read about what you are going through. It sounds as though you are suffering terribly. They really put us through the ringer with cancer treatment - and I speak as someone who didn't even have chemo! Best of luck to you.

    Oncs will push the "chemo, chemo, risk reduction, risk reduction" mantra. Ask them:

    1) Do you know for a fact whether I need this chemo?

    2) Is this chemo a cure?

    3) Does this chemo guarantee that bc will never come back?

    4) Do you know if these side effects will go away once I stop?

    If the doctor can credibly answer "yes" to ANY of those questions, either he is delusional or you just found yourself a magician who has found a cure for breast cancer and has kept his discovery a secret from the rest of the world. Most honest doctors will have to answer no to all. The less honest ones will try to stall and hem and haw. 

    So yes, perhaps you could go through with the treatment -and be disabled by it, unable to work. Is that worth it? I have had to answer that question for myself and it took me about a nanosecond to reply "NO." I love life too much to choose living on the margins just so that the risk of keeping my vital signs intact goes up in ten years, over really being alive. That's just me.

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  • Twinmom77
    Twinmom77 Member Posts: 303
    edited October 2010

    I was right where you are at my third treatment.  I sat crying during my infusion, yelling at my dad and the social worker that there was no way in hell I was coming back in.  I ended up doing 5 out of my 6.  Part of the feeling bad may be the steroids.  In some people, when you come down off the steroids you start to feel really depressed.  I would start having panic attacks when coming down and was depressed for days.  I agree with Athena in part - you do need to talk to your doc and ask a lot of questions.  What is your risk of recurrence w/ and w/o finishing chemo?  Can they decrease the dose?  Can they decrease your steroids? There has to be something the doc can do to try and make this more tolerable for you if you think finishing is worth it.  I know the feeling of just wanting to quit and move on to the next step.

    I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel right now.  But this is not forever.  From your post, it seems like you're looking at the sum total of treatment you have left and that can be really overwhelming.  It's hard, but try to break it up into "phases" or little milestones.  Phase I - chemo.  Just get through that.  That's all you have to do right now. Don't worry about radiation until you get there - that's Phase II.  Don't worry about Arimidex right now.  When you find yourself thinking ahead, thinking "I can't do this", tell yourself "Don't go there till you get there!" You don't have to get through ALL that treatment, right now you just have to get through one chemo at a time if you choose to continue.  I'm so sorry that this is taking a toll on you and that you don't have help there.  Know that there are ladies here who care and are here to support you, even if it's only cyber-support!

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  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 231
    edited October 2010

    Hi Ladies,   thanks for answering me back, it gives me a whole new perspective. I really love my onc and he is suppose to be the #1 Doctor where i go and i know he just doesn't want this to come back, but i swear the chemo is going to kill me if the cancer doesn't!   Twinmom-as far as the steroids go i chose abraxane so i wouldn't have to have so much of decadron. I get a very low dose in the iv. The thing is and i know this i just need to be able to go out of the house more than grocery shopping once in 11days. I can't find anyone with my dx having this much chemo and i was thinking this is a little over kill. My appt is wed and i will talk with him about all my side effects and see if he can give me a smaller dose. I also see my BS monday (1st mammo) and will talk to him also. I'm just having so much anxiety :(  I hate this diease!!!!!!      Big thanks to both of you for answering me back and hopefully i will feel better next week. Take Care!!!!!!!                                                     Pam

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  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 6,696
    edited October 2010

    Tell us how it goes with your onc. Good luck to you - it's horrible to feel constantly ill!

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  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 231
    edited October 2010

    Athena-  I will for sure, my appt is on weds. Thanks!

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  • ElaineM
    ElaineM Member Posts: 81
    edited October 2010

    I am sorry you are having a hard time with Abraxane. Maybe your oncologist can suggest another chemo that you can take that won't cause the problems you have now. Also if you are on steroids or pre meds before the Abraxane they may be causing some of the problems. It may not be neccessary to take the steroids before Abraxane. Maybe you can do the radiation now and do a little more chemo later.

    Your oncology center might have some resources they can refer you to to help you get through your treatment experience. Ask a nurse. Sometimes they know more than the doctors know about those things.

    If you can't work for awhile there may be some resources in your community that you can tap into like some kind of temporary disability and other resources. It might be worth it to find out what they are in case you need them.

    Are there support groups in your area? You might be interested in those. If you have a faith group that faith group may have activities on your good days that are of interest to you. Some of the other members might be able to give you a ride to those events. Your local hospital, community center or YWCA might have classes that are of interest to you. If you are not able to go out your local cable T . V. stations might have classes you can audit for free. I watch alot of those and never pay a penny. Learning new things is always exciting.

    Good luck and good health to you.

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  • gfbaker
    gfbaker Member Posts: 173
    edited October 2010

    Pam, I am so sorry you are feeling so lousy. Do you have a cancer social worker where you get treatment? They can help you find programs to help during treatment. There is one out there that cleaners will come to your house once a week during treatment and clean for you. Also, if you have a job where there is no disability benefit you can try applying for help. I know a waiter who was able to get money to pay bills and all treatment is at no cost. A cancer social worker can be found at any of the cancer centers in your area.

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  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 231
    edited October 2010

    gfbaker, Thanks!    I do have a social worker and i have signed up for some classes. She is coming to talk to me on wed. also. The problem is i have no energy to go anywhere, i guess i just need to push myself. I was ok until this last infusion. Yes i too am in the food and bev industry. I am a bartender at our airport. We are union and i get short term disabilty from that, but it is ending soon. I've paid union dues for 22 years and i get 3months disabilty. Doesn't seem right. Anyway i have applied for disabilty through the state but it takes forever if they approve me. I also have applied for aid for my medical bills and i am just waiting. That's not really my main concern right now as i still have ins. from my work and i will be covered through Nov and possibly Dec. I just want to be able to go to work one or two days a week, i think it would do my mental state a world of good. Thank you for all the great suggestions! I have started all the processes, it's all the waiting around that's sucks, as you well know. I'm just not very good at it. So i will talk to my Drs and the social worker on wed. and hopefully we can figure something out. I just have to much idle time on my hands and i feel so bad, and in turn i get scared. I keep thiking everday i will feel better and this round i just haven't come out of it yet. I'm so glad to have found this site as everyone has been so nice and helpful. It makes me feel better.  Thank You so much everyone from the bottom of my heart!!!!! I will keep you posted.                                                  Pam

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  • karen333
    karen333 Member Posts: 3,697
    edited October 2010

    Hi Alison, describe to your doctor or the nurse who checks in on you, how disabiling the anxiety is and your sleepless nights.  Lack of recuperative sleep can do a real number on your mood.  There are mild anti-anxiety meds that can hep you during this waiting time.  If neither are receptive, call a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner who can listen and help you out.  Talking to a therapist will aleviate some of the panic and sadness and you will have someone in your corner listening to you and valiadating your feelings,  You will learn all your feelings are normal for all you are going through.  With your own support person, you never feel like you are whining.  Karen

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  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 231
    edited October 2010

    Hi everyone. so i went to see my onc today, was supposed to have chemo, told him i didn't feel well enough. also saw my bs on mon. he told me that my rbc was to low and i should talk to the onc about lowering the dose. my onc said he didn't know why it was so bad for me but i should have this week off and give him one more chance next week. If i felt like that again then we would rethink everything. he also gave me a note to go back to work part time if i felt like it. My rbc today was coming back up and was close to normal, he said i should be feeling better soon. He told me that doing chemo gave me a 10 to 15% more of a chance of it not coming back. i didn't think that was that much. i did agree to have chemo one more time and if i felt the same way it would be the last one. no of course he could not guarantee me after all this treatment that i am having, that it still could come back. oh yeah and one more thing after nov. i will not have ins. unless i go back to work and i just got a statement today for one chemo treatment and it was reall close to 20,000.00. if he wants to get paid i think he better make it so i can at least work enough to keep my ins., because i sure as hell don't have that kind of money!! on another note it is a beautiful day in Seattle so i toook my dogs for a walk and then worked in my yard for a little bit and i'm ready for a nap, but i feel so much better. I also feel like i am more in control. thanks for all the good advice and i will keep y'all posted!!! I hope everyone is feeling good!!!!   Big Hugs to all of you fighting this ugly disease!!!!!!!                                        Pam

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  • BarbaraA
    BarbaraA Member Posts: 7,378
    edited October 2010

    (((((HUGS))))))) pumela! Yikes. We are here for you.

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  • Twinmom77
    Twinmom77 Member Posts: 303
    edited October 2010

    Glad to hear your counts are coming back up and glad you were able to get out a little.  Sometimes, just being able to do things that make you feel "normal" can do wonders for you.  Let us know how the next one goes.  Thinking of you!

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  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 231
    edited October 2010

    Twinmom77,      You hit the nail right on the nose. The past week has been great. I felt the best since i started this journey back in May. I will try to go back to work next week one or two days a week. I think being busy and doing some things that seem normal to us is the best medicine of all. So tomorrow back to my new reality. (chemo)  Hopefully I won't be tired for so long. Just wanted to say thanks to you ladies for listening to me rant! Hope everyone is well!!!!!!                                     Pam

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2010

    Where do you live? How can I help?

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  • pumela115
    pumela115 Member Posts: 231
    edited November 2010

    Hi Stephine,    Thanks so much for offering to help. I am much better now. I was having such a bad two weeks from the chemo. I have talked to my onc about it and it shouldn't happen again. I least i hope not. I live in Seattle Wa. so i think you live far away. It is so sweet of you to want to help, and i feel so grateful to have found this website. Just by you guys listening to me rant helps me so much! I am much better now but thank you from the bottom of my heart for being concerned! I hope you are doing well!!!                                                                         Pam

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2010
    Pam - How are you doing, just checking in, didn't want you to think I had forgotten you...I'm moving forward with recon and this absess issue in my ab tram, sutures problem, braided ones they did are holding infection so it's contained, good news, they'll come out jan 7th and I'll also have fat grafting in right breast to build that one up for expander, then we'll see how much that side can take, get to the size and in goes the inplant, no cutting as my tram in Nov partially worked, had it not been for infection I picked up in Hospital, it should have been fine, NOW we start over and look towards brighter, less painful days...enjoy your holiday and do stay in touch....my 16 yr. old son is a huge Seattle Seahawks fan, and I told him one day we would venture out there to catch a game....will be sure to see if we can meet...who knows, anything is possible! Stay happy, positive and focused, but most of all have as much FUN as you can in life!
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