Awkward situation; WWYD?

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  • Suzybelle
    Suzybelle Member Posts: 920
    edited October 2010

    I am hooting over "Breats Cancer Awareness".   Amazing.


    Sushanna, I learned so much about human nature during my initial diagnosis and surgery - alot of it was not good at all, but thankfully as soon as a wienerhead would do something really horrid, someone wonderful would come along and do something amazing to cancel it out and restore my faith in humanity.

    Not surprisingly, Miss Town Crier was not someone doing anything wonderful besides calling everyone to tell them I had cancer. 

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited August 2013

    lovemygarden: I bet that felt good to chuckle like that, and to have your views validated by others. It feels good to contribute ONLY to those causes you support, in the way you choose. Breats, not protsate.  I'll have to remember that :-).

    Suzybelle: I learned a thing or two too about other people.  My therapist calls them 'undeveloped', or maybe its 'underdeveloped'.  I'm glad I am in the process of getting an alias for my care that gets shared on the computer - (I work at the hospital where I get some of my care -so if I have a procedure, my co-workers and boss can have access to my medical info.)

    One person here posted that during the week she had her mastectomies, her breast surgeon told her boss that she was suicidal, and her boss didn't hire her back after her recovery!  Thus she lost all of her health insurance!

    I learned also how I have put my foot in my mouth. I'm still not immune to say the wrong thing, but I hope I'm getting better, or more aware.

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  • Laurie_R
    Laurie_R Member Posts: 262
    edited October 2010

    lovemygarden, the post that started this thread and the paragraph that starts with you being in a quandry

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  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited October 2010

    leaf, I too have long suffered from Foot In Mouth Disease as well as that other annoying interaction-related condition: Delayed Comeback-Inspiration Syndrome. Undecided

    Hm, you know what, there could be some really useful "awareness ribbon campaign" ideas there... how about:

    Foot In Mouth Awareness (ribbon made of duct tape)

    Diet Awareness (ribbon made of measuring tape; special months: January [post-holiday] and May [pre-summer-clothes]

    Shopaholic Awareness (ribbon made of an elongated dollar bill with the edges in shreds and tatters)

    Chocolate Awareness (no ribbon needed; everyone knows how important chocolate is, where to get it, and how to use it! During its special month, chocolate goodies would be discounted by 25% and the law that require the calorie count to appear on the package would be suspended. Special month is any month that contains a vowel.)

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  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited October 2010

    Oh and about the stupid "breats" goof, to be fair of course the guys do have a somewhat similar problem: How many times have we all heard someone (either male or female!) call it "prostrate cancer"?!   Laughing   Another one of those if-I-had-a-dollar-for-each-time things for sure. And okay, I confess it, every time I hear someone pronounce it that way I get this ridiculous mental picture of a cancer cell flopped down on its tummy on the beach in the hot summer sun, vegging out and doing absolutely nothing  Cool  (of course cancer cells have tummies, right? along with little hands with little tiny Mai-Tai's in them, LOL) (or maybe the cancer is prostrate with exhaustion after running away from the Chemo Brigade all day, who knows??! Tongue out  )

    Okay ladies, I have decided that today is the day I will RSVP to the merchandise party invite. With a little luck maybe I will get her voicemail? (hope springs eternal) But we shall see, and I will 'report back' later.

    (and thanks Laurie for the response Smile  )

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited October 2010

    lovemygarden, you crack me up.

    With your sense of humor I think you can handle ANY awkward situation.

    Leah

    P.S. Will have a chocolate now in honor of Chocolate Awareess Month. Don't want to miss it.

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  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited October 2010

    Hoo boy. I almost thought I would get through the call unscathed, but....

    I started out by saying that I got her invitation to the party and "it was nice of you to think of me, but I can't come." (notice that I deliberately avoided saying "unfortunately I can't make it", which would imply that I wanted to come!)

    What I didn't expect was "Oh that is a shame, but don't worry, you can still be part of it! I'll give you the website where you can go and see all the products, and there's a way to enter the date of the party and my name, and that way I will get the credit for whatever you buy and it will definitely go to support breast cancer awareness. I'll just hold your stuff for you until whenever you can pick it up."

    Blindsided by the internet age!  Surprised  I did NOT see that one coming. (We can't even get out of these parties anymore with a fictitious "I'm busy"??  Aaaack!!)  For only a few seconds I considered claiming that my computer was in the shop (old habits die hard) but realized that was ridiculous. So I just plowed ahead with:

    "Ah, well, that's something new, isn't it? Buuuut, I don't think that will work for me."

    "Oh it's VERY easy to do! I'm sure you wouldn't have any problem, especially since Mary said you're a whiz on the computer, finding out all that stuff about the chemo drugs like you did. She doesn't even like to use email, and I'm always kidding her about that."

    "Yes I know she's not much into computer stuff, but it's not that, it's that... well, I just can't. It's really honestly not my thing. For personal reasons." 

    "You mean buying stuff online?"

    (AAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!) 

    "No no, not that. I meant the other stuff, is just... something I don't do. It's nothing personal against you or Mary, you have both been so nice and supportive to me, but there are some things I'm just not comfortable with and this is one of them and so...well, it's really awkward."

    [what felt like a full minute of dead silence]

    "I don't really understand what you're uncomfortable with, but if you are then you are, and you can't help that. We wish you could be there with us to help fight for the cure, you know."

    "I do know how important that is to you and Mary."

    "Well of course it is, it's important to us and to you and to EVERY woman who has breast cancer, and to future generations, and"

    (okay I admit it, this is where I wimped out and said:)

    "Oh gosh I hate to cut you short but I've got a call coming in that I've been waiting for since this morning, semi-major crisis, talk to you soon!"

    (finger hits the "end" button)

    Phew. Fooosh. Gak.

    I need chocolate!

    Tongue out

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2013

    You did it! You did it! Now go eat that chocolate, you deserve it.

    And you didn't wimp out - you stuck to what you want without elaborating, without offending, and without agreeing with her.

    As an aside, I didn't see anywhere how what she is doing will help bc "awareness". It sounds like she's selling the stuff for her own profit.

    Leah

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  • DiDel
    DiDel Member Posts: 1,329
    edited October 2010

    I have always been a Pink supporter. 1. I love pink so anything I can buy in pink just makes me smile and 2. it does go to a good cause. Without fund raisers BC orgs wouldn't have raised so much money over the years and made so many advances in BC treatment. With that said

    I am NOT up for anyone "walking in my honor" "raising money in my name" or Putting me as a team captain. We had our Race for the Cure last weekend and some people called to see if they could put my name on their shirt I said EMPHATICALLY NO! I explained that to me it is extremely personal and that I am still going through it. Maybe next year I will feel like being a team captain RA RA cheerleader/poster child. But for now I just want my hair to grow back and have my left breast match the right. No time or energy for anything else.

    JMHO

    Diane

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited October 2010

    Woohoo, lovemygarden!  Yes, Yes!  You not only did it, you recovered the ball, and threw to home plate.  Just what Leah said.  You did GOOD!  Now go eat your chocolate!

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited October 2010

    lovemygarden... Good job!  You did great!  And it honestly gets better the more you do it, because you'll realize how much easier it is just to say, "No thanks," and not feel you have to explain or justify your feelings.   Deanna

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  • Laurie_R
    Laurie_R Member Posts: 262
    edited August 2013

    lovemygarden,  I'm so proud of you. You stood your ground, didn't give in to her when she added other options that you could use for ordering items,(that would have given her discounts on her order), and didn't lose it. Way to go girlfriend. Wanna share that chocolate. lol

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited October 2010

    Way to go!  It does take practice to use the word "no" without explaination following it.  but it is easier to say "no, sorry".  and let it drop there!  Keep practicing   It's amazing how free you begin to feel!  And how grown up and in charge of yourself.

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  • imbell
    imbell Member Posts: 659
    edited October 2010

    A few years ago I did a stint at a major insurance company in their charities department. There were two of us and I got delegated to write the letters to all the organizations that had been declined. I learned that even big companies  have limits to the amount and whom they choose to support.. Since then I have picked 2 organizations in my home town plus the food bank and the Christmas Cheer Board and I tell everyone else that is where my charitable dollars are going. And cancer isn't one of them.

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  • riley702
    riley702 Member Posts: 1,600
    edited October 2010
    Congratulations, lovemygarden! Man, how dense was that chick, anyway? Enjoy the chocolate, you've definitely earned it. And have an extra piece for knowing 'prostrate' is on your tummy, not your back! A pet peeve of mine. I was once reading a smutty book Surprised and got knocked right out of the moment, so to speak, by the author using the word 'prostrate', when by the prior dialogue, she clearly meant 'supine'. What? Grammar geeks read smutty books, too! Innocent 
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  • lovemygarden
    lovemygarden Member Posts: 342
    edited October 2010

    Thanks, ladies!  Smile Chocolate has been happily consumed, and I am now considering the pros (many) and cons (none, other than a temporarily-messy kitchen) of making an Aussie specialty called "lamingtons": spongecake cut into squares, then coated in chocolate and then rolled in shredded sweetened coconut. Yum! They're a bit labor-intensive to put together, but they're worth it. (No, I'm not Australian but a friend of mine is)

    riley702, I am a spelling geek  Wink  and I've got a list of pet peeves too (although the now-infamous "breats" was a new one for me, I must admit).  I do restrain myself from writing or emailing authors to point out the spelling errors in their already-published books, although there have been a few times when I was sorely tempted! What really gets my goat is to walk into a public library and see signs posted in the audio/video section saying " DVD's " .  Yell  If nobody who works in a library notices an error that blatant, our civilization is clearly doomed, LOL!

    immarybell, your post reminded me that one friend told me after the fact (in an email) that she had done one of those walks this past winter while down in Florida, and had written my name on her t-shirt. Since it was already done, I saw no point in making a big deal of it but if she mentions any plan to do the same walk again this winter, I'm going to suggest that since I've had my "moment of fame" so to speak Wink  , I'd feel better if she would honor someone else in the future.  

     

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  • travelgal6979
    travelgal6979 Member Posts: 160
    edited October 2010

    I can completely understand your feelings about this and I think being truthful is the best way to go and I don't see any harm in that.  I remember after having my BC dx and first surgery a couple of my gf's tried to talking me into going on a Walk for the Cure.  To be honest, it just isn't my thing but I didn't want to come off as a sour-puss by saying no.  But one day I was talking to my mother-in-law about it who also went thru BC several years ago and she was telling me how her best friend (who also had BC) is always going to these things and but my MIL isn't interested at all.  My MIL just told her bf that it's just not her thing.  I kind of respected her for saying that and thought if she could do it, so could I.  So, that's what I did with my friends and hoped they would respect my feelings.  I told them and they were fine with it. 

    I figure after everything I've been through, I have the right to not worry about these things anymore (making people upset because I say "no").  Besides, (and I don't mean to sound blunt), but she only gave you the name of a doctor. :-)  I'm sure you've thanked her many times for the referral; you don't owe her anything more.  She probably just assumes that you would want to be included.   

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  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited October 2010

    It is much easier to just decline as you have found.  I am very anti pink but I do respectfully thank everyone that walks, runs, rides for the cause and I will even support a person as I did this year - her new thing is to get the awareness that stage iv cancer exists and that is something most won't even talk about. 

    I like pink but I will wear no pink this October. 

    Congrats to you, lovemygarden' for doing what you believe in! 

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  • speech529
    speech529 Member Posts: 337
    edited October 2010

    You have every right to say "No, thank you." with no further explanation.  If they press, it is perfectly fine to say "It was kind of you to think of me, but I prefer not to attend."  If you keep making excuses, the invitations will continue.  There is nothing wrong with not wanting to do the pink thing.

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