Do you have young kids?

Hi Laurie!  I will be having my last round of chemo 9/27 then going on to have a BMX in November.  I'd love to learn from you more about how you are coping with everything.  We do not have a lot of family in the area that can help us.  My DH is going to be taking two weeks off of work when I have the BMX to deal with the young ones (I have a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old).  Luckily, I have had minimal side effects with chemo and my lumpectomy and re-excision went off without a hitch (healing-wise) - but I have a feeling the BMX surgery will be much different.  . 

The hard part is forcing myself to go to bed after my 2.5 year old and baby are asleep for the night. My 6 month old still wakes up around 4 am for a feeding then is up for good anywhere from 5:45am to 630 am.  When she wakes up for her 4 am feeding I have a hard time getting back to sleep - if I am lucky I can get a 45 minute catnap before I am up for good.  DH works nights, so 4 nights out of the week it is just me.  I don't know how I'm going to do this when I go back to work - I work 3 pm until midnight two to three days a week.  I've been on maternity leave since February and extended it out to disability when I was diagnosed. 

When do you think you will be able to do your exchange surgery?  Do you have a lot of family nearby? 

HI,

My youngest is 19 months and I have a 6 year old.  At first it was difficult not being able to hold the little one but I would just get down on the floor and hug her that way.  It was hard giving up breastfeeding but she was 15 months at the time  and adjusted with no problem.  Now that she is bigger, she has learned to climb into her highchair and I use a rocking chair to help her get into and out of her crib (mind you this is only when DH is not home).

One painful part is when she constantly likes to climb on me.  She often bangs into my chest.  I have a TE so it can HURT!

It's hard to take care of the little ones when you are tired.....moms are amazing!

Do you guys remember how long your surgery was?  I meet with the BS and PS next week so I will ask again, but I think I remember them saying something like 5-6 hours.  My lumpectomy and re-excision were both only 45 minutes back in May so I'm quite nervous about being under for an extended amount of time. 

How did you feel when you came to?  I do not want to wake up nauseated, that is for sure!!!!  I think I'm more worried about waking up nauseated and throwing up than I am of the pain - weird, I know!!!!

I  had a simple mastectomy in my left breast, with sentinel node biopsy and the tissue expander put it.  All together it was about 2 and half hours.  I woke up extremely nauseated!!!!  When I went in again for more surgery I told them about being sick and they changed the meds and I was a lot better.  I only took the pain meds the next day and the stool softener for a few days.

Hello ladies, 

I have 3.5 year old twin girls. Had BMX with immediate implants on 9/7 and starting chemo (TC&H) 10/13.  BMX went well, recovery wasn't so bad, my husband was home for 3 weeks and he made things so much easier, he really took control with the girls and allowed me to rest and recover.  My question is how do you handle chemo and it's SE with young children? I just cut my hair to a pixie cut and had a cry session with the girls since they were so upset I don't have hair like theirs anymore.  I am so afraid of how chemo will effect them.

Thanks! 

I have a 2 yr old (will be 3at the end of the month) son and a 5 year old daughter. I understand everything y'all listed. My son climbs on me like a monkey and is constantly bumping my port.

My tx so far has been TH & zometa, i've had 3 rounds of it so far, my 4th round will be on Thurs! So far so good with SE. One thing i do to help my down week (week after chemo) is i make an extra serving or 2 of whatever i am cooking and freeze it (m freezer is packed right now!) and then just thaw and heat when i fee like crap! My husband is very helpful but his schedule is kooky! He works from 3pm to 2am 4 days a week and has 3 days off. So as soon as my daughter gets out of school the craziness starts and hubby isnt home to referee!!!

Before they discovered my mets we were discussing a BMX but now its sorta off the table, dr not sure if i will still foloow up with radiation or not.

I agree that you just do it, you don't stop. My 3 kids are a little older. When I was diagnosed they were 5 (boy), 8 & 10 (girls). I don't know what's harder, chasing little ones around (definitely a physical challenge) or handling the older ones... homework, soccer, softball, hockey. Practices and games 7 days a week and my husband works 2 hrs away, so it was all me. Luckily we've been in the same town for 8 years and have a lot of friends who helped with the chauffering at night. I did the Acme order online during chemo and would have someone pick up the groceries. Also, a neighbor did catering on the side, so when I went in for tram-flap reconstruction we "hired" her to make 5 meals a week for 4 weeks so I could just heat and eat. I can honestly say I never missed a game, a graduation, or a field trip. I think it's better to be running and have people need you. Gives you purpose.

Hi Leslie, I have two young children and my situation is different from yours. Chemo really knocked me out many times and my husband and mom had to take care of our kids, I supposed I could have helped but I was either too tired or sick. I hear you about the guilt. I feel like a bad mother but what you will hear from the women on this board which helped me a lot is that you have to take care of YOU first before you can take care of them. Your children need you as you need them so take care of yourself first at this difficult period so that you will be there for them. I explained to my daughter that I would be sick for a while but will be better by her birthday (April) and she understood that. Right now if it were a choice between you eating and spending time, you have to eat. Chemo made me nauseous at first. My first treatment was not good, I couldn't eat or hold anything down and I had to go to my doctor's office eventually to get rehydrated. After that whenever and whatever I found I could eat, i ATE it.

Hoping that your MRI comes back clean.

Laurie- my 5 yr old just started that, she has NEVER been afraid of going to bed but lately she's sayin she saw something that looked like a hand and i need to check under the bed....

Leslie- Its important to take care of yourself first and i know its hard to put ourselves at the top of the list, but your kids will thank you later when you're still around in 40 years!

You never erase the guilt, but It does fade over time though- a lot of times the week after chemo i would just snuggle up with my son on the sofa and nap all day while he watched cartoons- he'd wake me when he was hungry, also i would have out snacks for him like cheese or crackers or dry cereal. he was 2 when i started chemo, now 3 though... YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO THEM ON THE DAYS YOU'RE FEELING BETTER- ITS LIKE A TRADE OFF

How old are your kids??

hi everyone

i just found this thread - I am a single mum and have an almost 3yr old daughter (she was 2 and a bit when I was dx). when i started tx, i was lucky to have insurance that enabled me to stop working temporarily but still have an income - i decided that i was going to  take advantage of it so i could focus more on my daughter while i was sick. i am going back to work in 6 weeks time.

i was really sick during chemo, and managed with visiting family members to help, or babysitters when no-one was available. after surgery i was very sore, but managed, and during rads i was fine on my own. i have an ooph scheduled for next week and hope that i will manage mostly by myself (my aunt is coming to stay for the first 4 days to help).

one of the first things i did, while i was waiting for my biopsy results, was go and buy a bed for my daughter becasue i knew i wouldn't be able to get her in and out of her crib. i was really worried how she would react to me losing my hair, and she just accepted it so easily it was amazing. now it is about an inch long and she loves running her fingers through it.

timothea - my daughter also has trouble pronouncing a lot of the consonants - but because she is bilingual then she is likely to be delayed and i have been told not to worry yet. she also recently started stammering - she gets stuck on a word in a sentence and repeats it over and over for ages until she manages to move on with the next word. again, i have been told it is common with bilingual children becauase they need to find the next word. a speech therapist told me to just try to ignore it and only if it keeps happening for more than a couple of months then to go back and get help.

since i got sick, i notice that my daughter is much more clingy to me, cries a lot more about little things. we are going to therapy togehter, but i hope that once i am feeling better she will also get better. i already notice now that she is much better than she was when i was in chemo.

i don't know if you have things like this where you live, but we have been going to a lot of activities run by different organizations for children living with a parent or sibling who has cancer - it's lots of fun for her, i get to meet other adults with cancer, and it's a great support for both of us. 

Hi Timothea - i don't know what exactly is in your area, but a quick google found several organizations who do stuff for kids whose parents have cancer (some of the links on this page are for kids who have cancer, but some are for kids with cancer in the family). Maybe there is something here that would be good for your daughter, or for your whole family? http://www.cancer.net/patient/Coping/Age-Specific+Information/Cancer+in+Young+Adults/Camps+and+Retreats

Hi Ladies,

You all are amazing how you get through this tough times. I am a new mom (32 yrs old), i have a 10 month old baby.  I was diagnosed last month with breast cancer stage 4, mets in liver and bones.  I just started  my chemo 3 days ago, i am on FEC for 6 rounds.  So far I don't feel any SE.....thanks to all our sister here for giving me advice about taking EMEND.....without knowing it i'll probably nauseous the whole time.  I have a very good family support, my husband's side.  All my family are back in the Philippines as I just moved in Canada for 2 yrs now.  How unfortunately, that we are just starting our life together, full of dreams, just had a baby, finished my schooling, had a new house, then started working, after 2 days of working found out about the CANCER words.....can't believe it is happening to us.  My husband is so caring and loving, and inspite of me being in this situation, I feel so blessed of having him, my baby and his family here in Canada. I just feel bad sometimes that I missed my baby so much, my sis-in-law took care of her prior to my chemo, because I was in severe bone pain and couldn't take care of her. So family decided she will stay there for 3 weeks.  Oh I missed her so bad ..........so I begged my husband today to take her and bring her back on Monday insted....at least during weekends my husband can take care of her.....as I try not to lift anything for now because I am so afraid of having the bone pain back.....my chemo has been postponed  twice before because of severe pain...so helps a lot when I do not carry my baby.   It hurts so much when I look at her and wanting to take care but I can't.  Maybe she knows that sometimes she wouldn't ask me to get her.  She is so adorable, and her 1 year bday is pretty close.  My sis-in-law says she will take in charge in planning a party for her.  I can't complain though, I still feel that I have been so blessed inspite of my situation.  I salute all the mom's who's braving this illness and still managed to the best they could to their children.  You will be in my prayers.

Sweetangel :-)

Hi Melania,

Tumor in my breast only measure 0.98cm, way to small, coudn't even detect it through mammogram.  Weird it may seem, I actually felt the lump when I was pregnant and told about it to my OBGY and Family Doctor as well, I was told it could just be a milk duct.  Says nothing to worry, and if the lump seems to get bigger go back and follow up after 6 months.  After a month of breastfeeding, I didn't notice it or feel pain in my breast.  It was only last month when I started having pain in my abdomen, it almost felt like an acid.  Went to a new doctor, I dont feel comfortable with my old doctor, she doesn't seem to know anything.  SO the new doctor thought it was just an infection, could be a gall bladder infection.  So my husband book me an ultrasound appointment and got it right away.  THe same day, we went to the hospital because I started having pain in my left upper arms and couldn't move it.  THe doctor in the hospital gave me pain meds and mentioned to them I just had an ultrasound and they got the result right away.  It was shocking when the Dr. told me I have a cancer in my liver, and they need to make sure and ordered a CT Scan right away.  It was confirmed in the cT SCAn that I had mets in liver, 3 masses ...and some lesions in my bones.  I was totally devastated and my husband was crying so hard....he couldn't believe it.  I tried to be strong and ask him to go and talk to his family so he feel good.  After a few weeks, I had the biopsy and was confirm that it was a breast cancer, and stage 4 because it has metastasized already.  Weird enough there is no nodes involved. Could be the cancer spread through blood stream.  I am not sure if the Surgeon is right when he told me could be the lump has been around for 3-5 years.  There is no way to know I think.  I wasn't given an option, i was just told that I will have my chemo first, but no plan yet for surgery. My husband is working on it, it is a little harder to talk to my ONCO, her nurse always message up the schedule.  Funny enough, when I had my first chemo, they forgot to order it to the pharmacy and had to wait for 2 hours to prepare it.  Sometimes it seems harder when things doesn't go the way you want them and schedules on meds, appointments are pretty messed up.  But my husband has been so supportive and he's the one taking care of it.  I am now staying at home and wouldn't let me work.  HE says my health is our priority and would like me to get better :-).  

We will get through this, with prayers, family, friends.  I wish us to be strong and fight this cancer ...

You will all be in my prayers.

Jen