not letting fear win

You are the only person who can make this decision.  I am not the kind to worry overly about things, so I was fine with my lumpectomy and rads.  I had a biopsy on my "good" breast last year, and it was hyperplasia without atypia and other benign breast conditions.  It puts me at a slightly higher risk for that breast, but as long as I get my screenings, I am fine with monitoring it.  There are no guarantees with a mastectomy.  It reduces your risk, but does not eliminate the possibility of a recurrence.  I know too many women that have had bilaterals and still had recurrences.  One is on her third recurrance in her chest wall.  You have to figure out your comfort level.  Many women do get peace of mind with mastectomies, but I also know women who have had them that stress more than I do over each followup with their oncs, so for those individuals, it truly did not reduce the stress of worry.  It is such a personal decision and I can only say, take time to really research and make an informed decision, not one based on fear.  God bless you and guide you in making the best choice for you.

Here's the thing about the fear.  You will have it no matter what.  If you eliminate one reason to worry, you will come up with another reason. From having been on this board for almost 5 years I honestly don't think that women who have bilaterals worry any less than anyone else.  From the posts I read, it's simply where the worry is directed that changes when you have no breasts vs. one breast or two breasts. 

In your case, if you proceed with the plan and have a single mastectomy, you will be fearful that you will get BC in your remaining breast.  On the other hand, if you decide to change the plan and have a bilateral mastectomy, you will worry about a recurrence or the possibility of a new cancer, even after a BMX.  And you will find other reasons to worry (reasons I won't mention because I don't want to get the thought process going!).

The fact is that you were just recently diagnosed with cancer - that strikes fear in anyone.  Everyone worries.  It's normal.  Some of us are inclined to worry more than others, but we all worry to some extent or another. So accept that.  The way that I kept my fears at bay was by telling mself that it was okay to worry, it was perfectly normal to worry.  But I would also remind myself that just because I was worrying didn't mean that the cause of the worry was logical or reasonable.  I was worrying because that's what you do for a period of time after you've been diagnosed with cancer; I wasn't worrying because there was any real reason to worry.  In my case, because I had a microinvasion, the worry that I couldn't control was the automatic thought process that went straight to "mets!" every time I had a headache or rib ache (from my expander, no doubt) or back ache, or elbow ache (arthritis), etc..  As soon as that thought would pop into my head, I would give myself a little shake, a 'slap upside the head' to remind myself that I would be silly to take these worries seriously.  Finally after about 9 months I remember one night realizing that I'd had a headache that day, and I hadn't thought "mets!".  I felt so good that night, knowing that I had moved past that stage of fear.

Having had a single mastectomy, as you are planning, the other fear I had to deal with was whenever I had a mammo or MRI on my remaining breast.  The first time, I think I started worrying about 3 weeks in advance.  After a couple of years, it got to the point where I didn't worry until I headed out the door to the appointment.  Now, 5 years out, I don't worry at all.  Honestly.  I worry now less than before I was diagnosed because now I know what it's like to be diagnosed with BC, and I know that if it happens again I will be able to deal with it.  So if you stick to your plan to have a single mastectomy, when you first go for a mammo on your remaining breast and when that fear starts to strike, probably days or weeks in advance, rather than give in to the panic, chuckle about how predictable our minds are in how they deal with things.  Treat the fear as an expected visitor, not one you want but one who's going to come anyway.  And know that by being unfriendly to this visitor, over time he'll come less often and stay for less time, until he finally gives up completely!

Hi Dawn,

I had a BMX just 19 days ago. I had mulit-folcal dcis in my right breast. I decided to do the BMX because I was tired of the tests, being poked, prodded and squished. I realized if I didn't get both done, then that would be the life of my left breast. I don't have the BRCA gene, but my sister had BC at 39, stage two. She had a smx and a breast reduction. I have to be honest, her boobs don't look good. They don't match and she is very unhappy (post 15 years) with the results. She had tried to get them fixed 4 times, but is tired of it now.

I am very happy with my new boobs. I had nipple sparing one step reconstruction with aloderm and my ps did a great job. I am so RELIEVED it is over and I can move on. I think of my left breast as the "sacrificial lamb".... but in the pathology they did find some abnormal cells in that breast that could have turned into something (can't remember exactly what they called it.) Anyway, for me getting a dmx was for peace of mind and to try to have my boobs look similar. The surgery is no fun and the stress leading up to it is unbearable. Don't be afraid to ask your dr. for meds to help that, you are going through a lot. Good luck with your decision, it is a hard one. 

Barbara